8:38am. I'm sitting in class and the teacher is talking about chemistry and compounds. This is biology. What do I think? I'm not sure. This is just something to do ( Read more... )

I need to find this balance between my wants and my physical needs. I want to do things that I know, right now, I cannot physically handle... and when I push on those things, I find I start to resent myself. I begin to feel estranged in my own body. It blows my mind. It never used to be like this. God, don't let me do something stupid ( Read more... )

Words... such strange things.

Today has been exhausting. But it's been worthwhile, I think.
We talked. I talked. How strange is that? I feel comfortable right now. With him. With what was said.

It's a nice feeling.

I'm still a runner. How did I miss that ( Read more... )

Thank God for friends ( Read more... )

I love my mother ( Read more... )

I find that as I write, as I detail my life, my thoughts, my feelings... that, in actuality, I'm detailing me. I'm witnessing who I am, and how I'm changing. It's such a strange thing. Even the memories I have from a few weeks ago... am I really different now? It feels like it ( Read more... )

John called at around 11am this morning. Sweet, sweet boy. I give up. I miss him. I'm allowed to miss someone I love... that's what it boils down to, and that's what I need to realize. It's not wrong for me to miss him, to want to talk to him, to want to hug him. It's okay to feel.

I'm calling him later tonight
and I'm going home Monday.

I cannot believe me.
This isn't me. This isn't who I've forced myself to be, or who I've worked so hard to become.

It's 4:51am. I'm in Phoenix and I'm missing John. Why am I missing John? I saw him this morning (Saturday.) We went to the zoo. I honestly had a really good time with him. (I love you, Otter.I'm only supposed to be gone until ( Read more... )

I told John the biggest thing on my mind lately. My feeling has been that we need to slow down on our "heavy" making out. We've been through this before, sat down, had this conversation. It was stressful then because even then, we couldn't figure what kind of lines needed to be drawn. The sex line isn't an issue. We're not crossing that. It's ( Read more... )