just_1_word | 15.8. Bravado
15.8. Bravado
Co-written with canmakeufeel
[Follows THIS & THIS]
Flynn dropped his keys and wallet on the kitchen counter and tipped the two little orange pill bottles from the paper pharmacy bag. He caught the second one just before it rolled off the counter onto the floor and quickly read over the labels on them. He shook his head, more than a little aggravated at the outcome of his doctor's appointment and then set the bottles down again to rub at his eyes tiredly and slowly. The lack of sleep was just making him feel like crap and whenever his doctor started waving blood tests in his face again, it always set him on edge. He didn't want to be reminded that he was a cancer survivor. Sure, it was a feat and much better than the alternative, but he was better when he didn't need to think about it. He was better when he felt well and since that bitch took it upon herself to assault him, he had felt anything but well.
The physical injuries from the incident were healing. The bruises were a sickly yellow colour now and the cuts and scratches were lessening every day. Now he had to deal with a fucking STD the bitch gave him on top of it all. Flynn had never had an STD in his life and now he was riddled with damn gonorrhoea. Emotionally, though, he had just felt flat and lifeless... one thing he had never been able to handle since the cancer nearly beat him. He was tired, but couldn't sleep. He was unhappy, but the things he usually got pleasure in he didn't feel like doing. Maybe the doc had a point about counselling. He'd had enough of that during the cancer. But he hoped he could move on from this without any intervention. He just needed a little bit longer to get back on the horse and he was sure he could find himself again. He snapped open the bottle of antibiotics and poured two of the pills into his palm, then went to the fridge to take out a bottle of water to swallow them.
Since Madison had gotten serious about her store, she'd been giving herself rostered days off. Sometimes it was the weekend, and sometimes it was during the week depending upon what needed to be done. Maddy planned on spending the weekend setting up the merchandise on the racks, so she decided to take off today and Thursday; a midweek gift to herself. She yawned as she came into the kitchen, an afternoon nap leaving her hair tousled. Between Remy and Flynn, Maddy was lucky to be getting enough sleep herself. Both her boys were restless still, and that was if they even made it to the bed in the first place.
She pushed her hands up Flynn's back and smiled as she leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Mm... now if only every fridge came with one of you."
Flynn pulled a little out of her hold. "Maddy," he said with a small frown, sighing. "I'm not in the mood," he mumbled, putting the water back and closing the fridge door. He was understanding a little now how Remy had been feeling after the shooting, but he figured it wasn't the same. Remy just didn't feel like sex, Flynn felt a slight aversion to any touch right now and the very thought scared him.
He met her eyes apologetically. "I'm sorry," he added softly, feeling the discontent shift to guilt with a flip in his stomach.
Maddy pulled back completely and moved to the other side of the kitchen to start making herself some coffee. "I wasn't actually trying to jump you, but thanks for the update. I'll be sure not to make any moves on you." Her jaw tightened as she tried to work through the irrational anger that was building up inside her. She could handle being rejected if she had actually tried to make a move, but all she'd wanted was to give Flynn a hug and make a little joke. Madison placed some water in the jug and set it to boil. "And there's nothing to be sorry for. Guess I'll never quite live down the horny girlfriend thing, will I?"
"Goddamnit, Madison!" Flynn exploded and the fridge got slammed closed a little harder than he had meant to. "I was raped! I could really use you not making snide remarks about sex right now!" He put his hands over his face and drew a long, rough breath to try and get himself back under control. "If you want sex, you're going to have to find it elsewhere. I've got the clap. The bitch gave me gonorrhoea."
"I'm sorry," Maddy answered in a small voice as she wrapped her arms around herself. She sucked on her bottom lip as she watched Flynn. Her eyes widened a little and she cursed under her breath before she frowned and bared her teeth. "That fucking whore! And I don't want fucking sex! I haven't even asked for it, or mentioned it. Contrary to what you and Remy seem to think about me, I don't always want it. I got it out of my damn system weeks ago. I'm now quite happily living a sex free life. I know you got raped, I know you don't want sex. But I can still hug you, can't I?"
Flynn balked before he could even stop himself. He had to really think on his response before answering. "Yeah... of course you can," he finally said. Something did click in his mind about her 'getting it out of her system' comment, but he wasn't sure what she meant by that. He wasn't sure if Remy was interested in getting laid again or not of late. Flynn had made no attempt to find out and had been reflexively pushing the Cajun away left, right and centre. He had been trying to hole up in his own little protective bubble for days now, but it was only becoming clear to him just how bad he had been. If Remy was ready, Flynn realised he wouldn't have known at all, and if he was and had slept with Maddy, Flynn was actually relieved because then he wouldn't have to have sex. What the hell was wrong with him?
"Good. So the next time I do, just don't jump down my throat, okay?" Madison looked at him and raised her eyebrows, checking that he did understand. Then she tilted her head. "So, the clap, huh? You okay?"
Still, Flynn opted for hugging himself instead and leaning against the kitchen counter. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Got antibiotics and sleeping pills. I have to go back in two weeks to make sure it's all gone. I haven't been able to take a leak in days without it feeling like I'm pissing razor blades. Fucking hell. As if she didn't already fuck my dignity over enough."
Madison gave a nod and her expression fell as she looked at her feet. "You didn't think you could tell us? Me? How can you piss razor blades and not say something? The sleeping I already knew about. You two are driving me crazy with your lack of sleep. I feel like knocking you both out."
"Please, do. Right now, I wouldn't be opposed. I don't know what I'm going to do if the pills don't work. I don't even feel like I have a brain anymore. Believe it or not, Remy's fidgeting is comforting for me because I'm smugly lying there glad I'm not the only one. I could have done without the knee up the arse last night, though," Flynn added with a small, amused shake of his head. "I was just hoping it would go away, Maddy. That's all. I was actually worried she broke my dick or balls in some way. I thought that might've been why it was hurting, but the doc says it's alright. Just bruised." He rubbed his palm over his cheek. "God... for the first time ever, I'm thinking of quitting work."
Maddy hesitated before she closed the gap between them so she could at least lean on the counter next to him. She always felt tiny when she stood next to Flynn, her head really only reaching the middle of bicep. Usually it was a comfort because she felt safe with Flynn protecting her. Now she just felt helpless because she was too small to make him feel the same way. And Remy wasn't here. "You could work for me."
Flynn shook his head. "No... but thanks. If you need help, I'll help, but I really don't know what I'm going to do. I knew the dangers, but when it comes to the crunch, I could never have prepared for something like this. Never," he admitted. "I don't even like myself right now."
"That's never a good thing, baby. The moment it stops being fun, and makes you lose yourself... it's definitely time to leave." She pressed a kiss to his arm and rest her head against it. "We'll work it out, Flynn. Just like we always do."
Flynn nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess. If only I can figure out how to sleep for a week. Stop thinking, stop feeling and just sleep."
Madison sighed. "Wish I could help, baby. I really do. Maybe we just need to help you relax?"
"I can't. I've tried. At least having Remy back I can see with my own eyes he's doing a little better. The paramedic seems real nice. It's a weight off. But relaxing seems like Atlantis or the Holy Grail. Every time I try to lie down and relax, it just all comes back." Flynn leaned over to rest his head tiredly on the counter. "I can't believe the one thing that I used to make me feel alive could make me feel so... broken."
"You shouldn't feel so alive from that encounter. Nothing about what she did to you was good. You're going to feel broken, and you're going to feel like shit." Madison heard the click of the jug, but ignored it for the moment. Coffee could wait. "I love you, but maybe you're not going to relax until you talk about it more. And maybe I'm not the one you can talk to. Maybe Remy isn't either."
Flynn closed his eyes. "Doc wants to give me a referral to a counsellor. Just keeps making me think of the cancer."
"Which we beat," she reminded him, a determination in her eyes. She would get him through it again if she had to. "Pick your own doctor. Find a shrink and go. Write a journal... anything to just get the thoughts out of your head."
Flynn rose again. "I just want to go to bed. Is Remy here? Maybe we can just all lie together or something."
"Sure, baby," Maddy murmured, still watching him. "Anything you want. He's already in bed, I think. I was asleep on the sofa."
Flynn knew the pills were for night, but he picked up the bottle to take a couple anyway. He was hopeful that they would work well enough to keep him asleep until morning if he managed to relax a little. Despite the mess in his head, he still needed to be close to Maddy and Remy. It had to be a start, anyway. "I'm sorry any of this happened, Maddy. Maybe it's a wake up call I needed."
Madison reached up to cup his face in her hand as she rubbed his cheek with her thumb and smiled. "You didn't do any of it, so there's nothing to apologise for."
"But I am sorry," Flynn said softly. "Really sorry."
She raised up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I know, baby."
dontdotricks & paramedically referenced with permission
Word Count | 1,970
Co-written with canmakeufeel
[Follows THIS & THIS]
Flynn dropped his keys and wallet on the kitchen counter and tipped the two little orange pill bottles from the paper pharmacy bag. He caught the second one just before it rolled off the counter onto the floor and quickly read over the labels on them. He shook his head, more than a little aggravated at the outcome of his doctor's appointment and then set the bottles down again to rub at his eyes tiredly and slowly. The lack of sleep was just making him feel like crap and whenever his doctor started waving blood tests in his face again, it always set him on edge. He didn't want to be reminded that he was a cancer survivor. Sure, it was a feat and much better than the alternative, but he was better when he didn't need to think about it. He was better when he felt well and since that bitch took it upon herself to assault him, he had felt anything but well.
The physical injuries from the incident were healing. The bruises were a sickly yellow colour now and the cuts and scratches were lessening every day. Now he had to deal with a fucking STD the bitch gave him on top of it all. Flynn had never had an STD in his life and now he was riddled with damn gonorrhoea. Emotionally, though, he had just felt flat and lifeless... one thing he had never been able to handle since the cancer nearly beat him. He was tired, but couldn't sleep. He was unhappy, but the things he usually got pleasure in he didn't feel like doing. Maybe the doc had a point about counselling. He'd had enough of that during the cancer. But he hoped he could move on from this without any intervention. He just needed a little bit longer to get back on the horse and he was sure he could find himself again. He snapped open the bottle of antibiotics and poured two of the pills into his palm, then went to the fridge to take out a bottle of water to swallow them.
Since Madison had gotten serious about her store, she'd been giving herself rostered days off. Sometimes it was the weekend, and sometimes it was during the week depending upon what needed to be done. Maddy planned on spending the weekend setting up the merchandise on the racks, so she decided to take off today and Thursday; a midweek gift to herself. She yawned as she came into the kitchen, an afternoon nap leaving her hair tousled. Between Remy and Flynn, Maddy was lucky to be getting enough sleep herself. Both her boys were restless still, and that was if they even made it to the bed in the first place.
She pushed her hands up Flynn's back and smiled as she leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Mm... now if only every fridge came with one of you."
Flynn pulled a little out of her hold. "Maddy," he said with a small frown, sighing. "I'm not in the mood," he mumbled, putting the water back and closing the fridge door. He was understanding a little now how Remy had been feeling after the shooting, but he figured it wasn't the same. Remy just didn't feel like sex, Flynn felt a slight aversion to any touch right now and the very thought scared him.
He met her eyes apologetically. "I'm sorry," he added softly, feeling the discontent shift to guilt with a flip in his stomach.
Maddy pulled back completely and moved to the other side of the kitchen to start making herself some coffee. "I wasn't actually trying to jump you, but thanks for the update. I'll be sure not to make any moves on you." Her jaw tightened as she tried to work through the irrational anger that was building up inside her. She could handle being rejected if she had actually tried to make a move, but all she'd wanted was to give Flynn a hug and make a little joke. Madison placed some water in the jug and set it to boil. "And there's nothing to be sorry for. Guess I'll never quite live down the horny girlfriend thing, will I?"
"Goddamnit, Madison!" Flynn exploded and the fridge got slammed closed a little harder than he had meant to. "I was raped! I could really use you not making snide remarks about sex right now!" He put his hands over his face and drew a long, rough breath to try and get himself back under control. "If you want sex, you're going to have to find it elsewhere. I've got the clap. The bitch gave me gonorrhoea."
"I'm sorry," Maddy answered in a small voice as she wrapped her arms around herself. She sucked on her bottom lip as she watched Flynn. Her eyes widened a little and she cursed under her breath before she frowned and bared her teeth. "That fucking whore! And I don't want fucking sex! I haven't even asked for it, or mentioned it. Contrary to what you and Remy seem to think about me, I don't always want it. I got it out of my damn system weeks ago. I'm now quite happily living a sex free life. I know you got raped, I know you don't want sex. But I can still hug you, can't I?"
Flynn balked before he could even stop himself. He had to really think on his response before answering. "Yeah... of course you can," he finally said. Something did click in his mind about her 'getting it out of her system' comment, but he wasn't sure what she meant by that. He wasn't sure if Remy was interested in getting laid again or not of late. Flynn had made no attempt to find out and had been reflexively pushing the Cajun away left, right and centre. He had been trying to hole up in his own little protective bubble for days now, but it was only becoming clear to him just how bad he had been. If Remy was ready, Flynn realised he wouldn't have known at all, and if he was and had slept with Maddy, Flynn was actually relieved because then he wouldn't have to have sex. What the hell was wrong with him?
"Good. So the next time I do, just don't jump down my throat, okay?" Madison looked at him and raised her eyebrows, checking that he did understand. Then she tilted her head. "So, the clap, huh? You okay?"
Still, Flynn opted for hugging himself instead and leaning against the kitchen counter. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Got antibiotics and sleeping pills. I have to go back in two weeks to make sure it's all gone. I haven't been able to take a leak in days without it feeling like I'm pissing razor blades. Fucking hell. As if she didn't already fuck my dignity over enough."
Madison gave a nod and her expression fell as she looked at her feet. "You didn't think you could tell us? Me? How can you piss razor blades and not say something? The sleeping I already knew about. You two are driving me crazy with your lack of sleep. I feel like knocking you both out."
"Please, do. Right now, I wouldn't be opposed. I don't know what I'm going to do if the pills don't work. I don't even feel like I have a brain anymore. Believe it or not, Remy's fidgeting is comforting for me because I'm smugly lying there glad I'm not the only one. I could have done without the knee up the arse last night, though," Flynn added with a small, amused shake of his head. "I was just hoping it would go away, Maddy. That's all. I was actually worried she broke my dick or balls in some way. I thought that might've been why it was hurting, but the doc says it's alright. Just bruised." He rubbed his palm over his cheek. "God... for the first time ever, I'm thinking of quitting work."
Maddy hesitated before she closed the gap between them so she could at least lean on the counter next to him. She always felt tiny when she stood next to Flynn, her head really only reaching the middle of bicep. Usually it was a comfort because she felt safe with Flynn protecting her. Now she just felt helpless because she was too small to make him feel the same way. And Remy wasn't here. "You could work for me."
Flynn shook his head. "No... but thanks. If you need help, I'll help, but I really don't know what I'm going to do. I knew the dangers, but when it comes to the crunch, I could never have prepared for something like this. Never," he admitted. "I don't even like myself right now."
"That's never a good thing, baby. The moment it stops being fun, and makes you lose yourself... it's definitely time to leave." She pressed a kiss to his arm and rest her head against it. "We'll work it out, Flynn. Just like we always do."
Flynn nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess. If only I can figure out how to sleep for a week. Stop thinking, stop feeling and just sleep."
Madison sighed. "Wish I could help, baby. I really do. Maybe we just need to help you relax?"
"I can't. I've tried. At least having Remy back I can see with my own eyes he's doing a little better. The paramedic seems real nice. It's a weight off. But relaxing seems like Atlantis or the Holy Grail. Every time I try to lie down and relax, it just all comes back." Flynn leaned over to rest his head tiredly on the counter. "I can't believe the one thing that I used to make me feel alive could make me feel so... broken."
"You shouldn't feel so alive from that encounter. Nothing about what she did to you was good. You're going to feel broken, and you're going to feel like shit." Madison heard the click of the jug, but ignored it for the moment. Coffee could wait. "I love you, but maybe you're not going to relax until you talk about it more. And maybe I'm not the one you can talk to. Maybe Remy isn't either."
Flynn closed his eyes. "Doc wants to give me a referral to a counsellor. Just keeps making me think of the cancer."
"Which we beat," she reminded him, a determination in her eyes. She would get him through it again if she had to. "Pick your own doctor. Find a shrink and go. Write a journal... anything to just get the thoughts out of your head."
Flynn rose again. "I just want to go to bed. Is Remy here? Maybe we can just all lie together or something."
"Sure, baby," Maddy murmured, still watching him. "Anything you want. He's already in bed, I think. I was asleep on the sofa."
Flynn knew the pills were for night, but he picked up the bottle to take a couple anyway. He was hopeful that they would work well enough to keep him asleep until morning if he managed to relax a little. Despite the mess in his head, he still needed to be close to Maddy and Remy. It had to be a start, anyway. "I'm sorry any of this happened, Maddy. Maybe it's a wake up call I needed."
Madison reached up to cup his face in her hand as she rubbed his cheek with her thumb and smiled. "You didn't do any of it, so there's nothing to apologise for."
"But I am sorry," Flynn said softly. "Really sorry."
She raised up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I know, baby."
dontdotricks & paramedically referenced with permission
Word Count | 1,970