fat pig

I'm going out of my mind, I don't know how to not eat, I always end up eating more than I should. I think about food constantly, I have picture on the fridge of me when I was 125lbs, and even then I needed to lose a bit more weight, now I am nearly 140, maybe I am 140, I daren't weight myself.

I ate so much today, I feel pretty sick in the head and the stomach, so many things to eat and just lazily ate them to try and fill the black hole where there's no love, lots of anger and some general workaday unhappiness.

Why am I like this...I hate it

I went out and got a little bit drunk last night, tried to play with my food like the skinny bitch next to me, and sort of managed it. decided in the end that i hadn't done too badly, eating mostly the fruit from my pudding, leaving the pastry in the mushroom tart thing. drink i always fall down on though, i wonder if i will ever be able to not get ( Read more... )

I am so pissed off, just wrote a huge thing all about tom, my long term love interest and one of the reasons i overeat and feel like a fucking crazy loon, and the fact that i fucked his best friend on a boat and from what i can understand tom came back, and found us, and how this would normally make me overeat and feel shit like crazy...but ( Read more... )

I ate nothing but old chinese take away, pretty disgusted with myself, didn't feel hungry once, instead I just went to the fridge every time I felt pissed off with myself, only swam for 20 minutes. over the next few weeks I am going to run loads and then do a 10km run for charity. all i can think about is losing at least 8lbs and then I'll fit into ( Read more... )