( Read more... )

I dropped my laptop and bent something crucial, so now I can't plug the battery into it. The necessary places to call are closed on weekends (yes) and I've called others and only gotten people in India to answer. So I hung up ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

I was at a store and I was flipping through an InsideStyle magazine, standing in contraposto position. An old couple were chattering next to me. Here is what happened:

Old Husband: Hoo hoo- you want a Bible? How about a Bible?
Old Wife: Oh no no---ho ho
[I notice I am standing next to a bunch of pink and blue mini-Bibles]
Old Husband: (drops a Bible) ( Read more... )

I GOT MY TURBO JAM (MAXIMUM RESULTS) DVDS!!! YESSSSS!!!! IT'S TIME TO JAM!!!


( Read more... )

Hey, are you lonely? Do you wish you had a pair of legs to sleep or cry on? OKAY!


( Read more... )

( Read more... )

Now, every time I eat anything, my brain immediately recoils and calls me all sorts of names. I can't even control myself long enough to NOT eat that extra piece of sushi or chocolate. And then I'll go ahead and recall all the beautiful women of Hollywood and their comfortable, lazy hip-hugging jeans. I think their bones are so miraculously perfect ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

My Valentine sent this to me:


( Read more... )