By accident. And I was actually embarrassed to have to walk around wearing bloody pants all day. Guess I'm civilized. It's like if being stupid made you poop. But still, gnarly cut on my leg. Kickin' Rad cut.

Like two damn years ago. So what's with this one little muscle waking up now? Look here bub, I've acclimatizes to the diminished nostril flaring capacity so how about you cut out the the twitching and just bug out. If I ever need to smuggle some crayons or army men into prison I'll wish I had better nose control but somehow I'll manage. Don't call.

Friggen mice are all lining up around the block to pull thorns out of my paw, bunch of freeloading bastards. No way, these are all for me. Pulling thorns out of my hands is like an injury from my childhood. It's a classic. So yeah, no mice. All for me.

A subject that oft comes up in the word of our Dobbs is reason and how that's working out for you, eh? The fake dead man has a point. There's nothing reasonable about a bunch of monkeys made of slime hurtling through the icy blackness of space. Though it's ability to design high tech jelly masterbators is unmatched, any breach of understanding or ( Read more... )

I've lost about 70 pounds since the last time I went swimming and I knew this would effect my ability to float but I figured the best way to figure out how much is by jumping in and going to town. Well I got way out in the lake and really had to struggle getting back. Must have burst some blood vessels in my lungs because I'm just roaring bloody ( Read more... )

I've started rereading the sacred texts of the SubGenius to get back in touch with the guiding principals of my life, one in particular I believe I've lost touch with; Slack. It's easy to lose touch with slack, its easy to confuse with happiness when things are going "your way." Happiness, though, is insipid. It's like corn syrup; yummy until you ( Read more... )

In 2009...

Man shall lie with a man as with a woman. This is an Obama-nation.

In my basement. Miles and miles of cold, black water. Do you know spiders scream as their tiny book lungs fill with icy water?

Makes me wonder what they'd have given me if I actually gave them the finger.

I took a plane out to my sister's wedding in Montana and after arriving I've realised security let me on with a boxcutter, four razor blades and two lighters in my bag. How can you not see a bunch of razor blades and lighters in an x-ray machine? They're iconic. They're practically letters. Kind of makes me wish I hadn't bothered smuggling this ( Read more... )

I hate it when I forget I know things. Like the little tidbit about how exercise makes you feel good. I'll skip a workout because I'm tired and cranky and then feel even worse having "rested." This can continue for days until, like last night, I've worked myself up into such an angst that I can't even think and just bounce back and forth between ( Read more... )