It's been raining outside and on my face for a couple of weeks now. Just like the weather, there are sunshine breaks and moments of peace. The ever burning questions: why? Why!? The desire to change time, to go back in time. To be able to take action before it's too late. Losing you has been one of the hardest times for me. After 10 years you think ( Read more... )

I am back. I wonder if anyone else is out there - reading this.
I have not been keeping a journal. at all. I miss pouring my inner-most thoughts out just to get them out of my head.
I have a gorgeous man in my life. He is patient and gentle and keeps a major hard-on for me.
My sex drive has dwindled somewhat.  Not enough to stay away for more than a ( Read more... )

 Amazingly, this thing is still lurking in cyberspace. I am just getting ready for sleep & watching television simultaneously. Sleep makes work arrive too soon. I have to explore the world of sales tomorrow. I am not excited.  I don't want to shop my hotel around. It's mandatory. I'd really like a raise. I'm sure I don't stand alone in that desire ( Read more... )

goddamn! in 10 days i will be on my way to Thailand! HOLY SHIT!!! nothing has been going my way this week. last week was great! my boyfriend? is acting fucking strange. he is telling me he wants to be "selfish" right now. in other words-"SINGLE". fuck him! i have played this game for too long now. i fucking quit! a good 2 weeks in thailand will ( Read more... )

i am drinking a beer, sitting by myself. things have taken a turn i tried to avoid. what can you do. so it's been a whole week of living alone. he comes home some mornings between the wee hours of 5-8am. it's uncomfortable. i know he won't come home because i sleep in our bed. he sneaks in after i've gone to work. gone hours before i ever come home ( Read more... )

well... damn. It's been a minute... a very long minute ( Read more... )

i'm drinking beer and eating pills. my back has been achy. smoked a bit earlier and i'm feeling pretty mellow. jason and the family left for Vegas this evening. that means i am babysitting three kitties and a dog. sara also left town and that's where cat 3 comes in. i'm the animal keeper which is fine by me. i'm glad my friends ask me to keep their ( Read more... )

still going to the chiropractor. had an MRI last night and, by the way, hated it. i felt like i was in a coffin with a jackhammer busting asphalt like a halo around my head. they let me listen to music through headphones that were pretty old so they just added to the discomfort. 25 minutes! both of my arms fell asleep due to the instructions to be ( Read more... )

did I mention I have severe whiplash, a bulging disk and pinched nerves? yeah, it feels real good.

So I believe the last entry I made was Tuesday- Immediately after logging off I went to my friend's house to let the dog out because no one would be home for a few hours. Well, as soon as I left I made a left turn on 47th and was struck at 46th by a jackass who sped right through the BIG RED FUCKING STOP SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! My ( Read more... )