A story.

[suave_acita]

Too many people overlook the absense of love in the world. People goto the ocean to enjoy the peace that its waves offer. The constant ebb and flow of the crashing, like a shushing lullaby. One day the familiar ocean changed, something inside it turned violent. Nobody could exactly pinpoint the change, but simply know it was apparent. It began

Comments

[singing_queen11]

This peace has some strong messages that are wonderful to meditate on. I also feel that you used a very interesting platform to launch them by using a narrative prose.

Where I think you could explore further would be in letting the reader come to the conclusions rather then boldly placing them in the narrative. A direction that I have received many times is that "you need to let the audience come to you, don't jump into the audiences' face!"

Another thing that may assist your exploration is editting to maintain one constant tense (you jump between present and past).

[suave_acita]

thank you, I'll you your advice and show you the revamped piece sometime.

[suave_acita]

thank you. i appreciate you taking the time to read/comment. (: