I live my life vicariously through others. This has been happening only recently. I refuse to live my own life. It ceases to exist. The soul I once had, she ceases to talk with me. She.... I no longer no where she has gone. It feels as though she has evaporated. Why? Why is that? Is it something that I have done unto myself? Is it the ( Read more... )

My sleep patterns are completely off right now. I haven't slept soundly through the nights since January. My head hurts. For awhile I thought that it had something to do with my father...his being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and then his sudden passing a few weeks later. This can't be the case...there is no proof that this could even come ( Read more... )

I came home from Hawaii Sunday night. I appear to be unhappy in my daily routine. And yet, I appear to have been unhappy when I was in Hawaii as well. I constantly talk about wanting to go on vacation and getting away from the stresses of my daily life. But, when I am on vacation, I am continually stressed out as well. Though, I must say, this ( Read more... )

I didn't do anything today. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't talk with anybody of importance. I just slept for the majority of the day and took things easy. This is because I have finally completed all my classes. I no longer have to take anymore. Done. Papers are finally. No more essays. Ever. Unless I really want to that is. But... ( Read more... )

If I could learn to speak another language, which would I choose and why?

Italian. Because I need to know how to love...

The tears have stopped falling. They stopped around seven in the morning. Anger took its place. Anger and frustration. I guess there was a feeling of self-hatred in there as well. A lot of it actually. Questions as to why I always do this to myself. Questions as to why I never leave when I know that I should. The constant thoughts that I ( Read more... )

I am sitting here crying again. The house is cold. It is almost 4:30 in the morning. I have woken myself from a dream where a crack-whore tattooist wouldn't give me a refund on the tattoo she gave me, even though she tattooed my bracelet instead of my skin. It is cold in my house right now. And the tears falling from my face aren't helping me ( Read more... )

I miss my mother. It's really hard for me to admit this. I was really hard on my mother when I was growing up. When I was a rebellious teen, I was very hard on her. Extremely so. There was even such a point where I almost ruined her relationship with my step-father. I was very evil. I was suicidal. I was destructive. I was just really hard ( Read more... )

I feel sick to my stomach right now. There is a hideous clawing and gnawing that makes me want to vomit out my insides. I don't feel well. There is a battle raging inside of me both physically and emotionally. I want to go lie down. I want to puke my guts out. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to see my friends. I don't want to ( Read more... )

One of the saddest faces that I have ever seen?

Right here...my heart trembles for her. Thanks the kitty-gods she is getting the damned thing removed tomorrow:


( Read more... )