"I felt like puttin a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke. "

I saw that on someone's DeviantArt and loved it so I stole it

WE were supposed to go to the movies tonight with Nicole and Jeremy. Matt invited me thinking that my dad wouldn't say yes. Well he did. But then he basically un-invited me because I have to come home right after the movie and Nicole, Jeremy, and Matt might go out to eat afterwards ( Read more... )

Ass hole.

He went out with his ex last night.

And expects me not to be jealous.

He didn't say I love you.

Ass hole.

I never get to spend time with Matt anymore. His work schedule and my schedule with the play and both our schedules with guard makes it So hard to get together. I wish I wouldn't feel so alone when I am not with someone. I haven't been held in so long. I don't think I've been held and believed that someone really wants to feel my warmth, not my ( Read more... )

So...things aren't so good right about now.
People keep on thinking that they can fix me. Like I'm broken. And I'm fat. Fat. FAT.

I'm so alone and I see the joyful faces of couples and their children and think how it's apparently not the life for me ( Read more... )

Sex changes everything. Relationships totally change once it become intimate. My relationship with Matt has always been sexual. I wanted to have sex with him on our first date but he was the one who said it was a bad idea. And now that we are sexually active, it is hard to think about other things. He is so scared of sex. He is afraid that I am ( Read more... )

I want to be told I'm beautiful by the people that matter

I hate that he doesn't want me.
Well, it's not exactly that way. He is afraid of sex, really the consequences of sex.
I just feel kind of used and unwanted. He gets his and I am left standing.
I want someone who is as clingy as me but I love him.
I love him.

And I've done something I regret...

yay, I went to my very first Winterguard Competition on Saturday. We won third place out of ten guards in our class. WOO.

Now I'm feeling like shit because my dad is an ass and my step-mom is a self-indulged bitch. I'm SOOOO glad their home.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! I just remembered that I have a paper due tomorrow.