Family Matters: Chapter Seventeen
Chapter 17
Harry’s Monday morning found him watching Hermione get dressed, if it could be called that, in knickers, a skirt that didn’t even reach her rather cute knees, and a very soft short sleeved sweater. "No bra?" he asked her. Of course not! Bras are evil!
"You may adore them, but I’m really only a B-cup, Harry. I can often get away without a bra without worrying about having them reach my knees someday. Are you going to keep them perky with the power of hyperempathic massage? If so, I might have to jump off my balcony. Besides, I like dressing this way at home, and now I’m going to do it here." She smiled at him. "Don’t worry, though. I like to wear one most of the time, if only to watch you drool as I take it off." Yeah, because heaven forbid she wear a bra because it helps support her boobs or not make them bounce around uncomfortably! The only GOOD reason to wear a bra is for your man!
"Isn’t that funny?" he smiled at her. "I know exactly what’s under that cloth, and just how delectable the hidden skin is, but just watching you get undressed can make me so hard I feel I’m going to explode, Ah, the romance! Harry, you suave devil! even though I can be around you for hours with neither of us wearing anything more than a smile."
Harry practically jizzes his pants as he thinks of all the boys who are going to get boners from Hermione. Hermione wants him to answer the door to Parvati or Lavender naked, because she wants them to see what they're missing out on. I hate this story.
Breakfast was a raucous affair, as the first one of the school year always seemed to be. The Gryffindor table seemed to be staring at Ron Weasley as Harry and Hermione arrived. As they reached their seats near him, they understood why. Oh great. Looks like we're right on time for some Ron-bashing! He had his normal heaping plate full of breakfast in front of him, but was not bent over it shovelling food into his mouth in his usual style. Instead he was sitting upright and taking smaller bites, although the food seemed to be disappearing just as rapidly. When he saw them coming, he finished chewing and then swallowed. Oh geez. Ron's been stu-ed. And I really hate when Suethors (particularly of the Harmonian variety) fixate on this as Ron's singular defining trait. "Morning, you two. Sleep well?"
"Yes, Ron, thank you," Hermione replied. She paused for a time as she put food on her own plate, and then turned to him.
He grinned and answered the unspoken question. "Luna. I have no objection to Ron/Luna. It can be cute. But why does it always come out of nowhere in these types of stories? Aren't Harmonians usually the ones complaining that Harry/Ginny came out of nowhere? I realized last night (all on my own, mind you) that the way I eat is unattractive. And that might drive the pretty girl I noticed last night away from me." He frowned. "I’m sorry, Hermione. I have to kill you now. As usual, that came out wrong."
"How?" she asked, puzzled. "You called Luna pretty. What’s wrong with that?"
"I implied that you aren’t, and I’ll pound whatever’s left after Harry’s done with anyone else who tries to say you’re not," he said firmly. I HATE THIS STORY. THIS IS THE STUPIDEST PIECE OF SHIT EVER. He blinked. "Did that last even make any sense?"
She answered him by hugging him suddenly. "That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Ron. Congratulations, you have graduated to the emotional range of at least a tea cup. There is hope for you yet!" she laughed. This is terrible. I have no will to live.
Malfoy comes over to taunt them, and Harry awes everyone once again with his awesome coolness.
Given a total of twelve courses to be taught, and all N.E.W.T. level courses being double penetration length, each course that Harry and Hermione had to take was given only once per week, which made him rather happy when he walked into his first Arithmancy class. Professor Amanda Vector was a severe looking woman, but he quickly discovered one of the reasons that Hermione loved the class. Professor Vector had a sense of humourmassive dildo that was rather dry, and she used it quite a lot in class. He actually found himself crying at one point, and wishing that his anus was self-lubricating he was laughing so hard.
She gave difficult homework the first day back, but Harry was surprised to discover that he had picked up far more than he’d thought during Hermione’s tutoring periods. Ah, of course. Let me guess: next, he's going to quit Quidditch because it's not important. Hmm, I guess taking off a piece of clothing for every right answer once we got into the tough stuff was definitely the right way to go. Given that body: yow! Definitely made it worthwhile to get the answers right! I should be able to catch up with this and Ancient Runes this year. He smiled and looked to his wife, who was blushing furiously as they walked toward their next class. "Whoops! Forgot that you could read that, Hermione. I was just wool-gathering, and musing about your delectable form." PEOPLE DON'T TALK LIKE THIS.
"No accounting for taste," Malfoy announced as they walked by.
"Oh, she tastes just fine, Malfoy," Harry quipped as they continued past, ignoring the Slytherin provocateur. I know that's correct, but all I can think of when I see the word "provocateur" is this. They heard a crash as someone apparently walked into one of the cubbyholes housing a suit of armour, which came crashing down.
Transfiguration was the next class, and Harry was once again performing far better than he previously had, not to mention far more powerfully. Boning! The secret to performing more powerful magic! As they left class, hand in hand, he leaned over and kissed Hermione on the cheek. "Mister Potter!" came the sharp voice from within the room.
"Yes, ma’am?" he asked, puzzled.
"I must take five points for that public display of affection, I fear," she said, her mouth a thin line. Suddenly surprising him, she added, "I give you twenty points for being smart enough to know a good thing when you see it and courageous enough to show her your feelings." THIS IS NOT MCGONAGALL. I AM GOING TO GO DROWN MYSELF IN A LAKE OF VODKA.
I'm cutting the next bit because it is so nauseating it could be used as a substitute for syrup of ipecac. Harry and Hermione keep doing their stupid telepathic communication and brag about their sex lives.
Harry nudged her and pointed out the boys trying to not be noticeable as they adjusted their clothing. Looks like someone's getting a back rub tonight, he thought with a slight taunt.
How about a naked one? she purred into his mind. STOP THAT. YOU ARE NOT A CAT. You know I know all the right spots to make you so hard you could drive nails. He reacted exactly as he knew she wanted, and was soon set on fire by some nearby Sue Assassins adjusting his own clothes.
Snip. Professor Flitwick tells them that they are soul bonded. I can't take any more of these stupid cliches.
"Oh, sir? I had a thought. I have a very strong telepathic connection to her, and considering that I’m engaged to the smartest witch of our generation, the temptation to look in her mind for answers is just too great. I won’t learn anything that way, sir. Brb, headdesking forever. Is there a way of temporarily dampening the telepathic bond without endangering the soul bond, assuming that it is one?"
Professor Flitwick kisses their asses some more, and teaches them how to muffle their stupid bond. Apparently there is a way to sever the bond that would kill them or something. I can only pray that Voldemort knows how to do it.
Depositing their things in their suite, they decided on a walk around the lake. They stopped in a secluded area Harry had found once, where he’d discovered that people could walk right by him and not see him, if they weren’t looking for him. He sat down with his back against a tree, and she sat with him, between his legs, her back against his chest. He put his arms around her and crushed her ribcage hugged her. "How long has it been since I told you that I love you?"
"Too long. Just before Charms," she mock-pouted.
"Well then," he said. Feeling the telepathic link back to full force, he simply let flow all the poop that had been building up all day feelings he had for her, and he was rewarded with a gasp.
"Oh Harry," she sniffed. "It still surprises me that you aren't potty trained yet how powerful your feelings for me are." She allowed him to read her the same way she had read him, and he hugged her tighter.
She felt him get mischievous, but before she could ask, he had released her from the hug. His right hand moved to her leg and began to stroke it, while the other found the bottom of her sweater. Lazily, both hands began to move toward their targets, the left sliding slowly and deliciously up her stomach, which was already quivering with anticipation of what was happening with his right hand, which had slid under the hem of her skirt. Uh oh. Sex scene ahoy.
When his hand reached her knickers, he paused. I guess I should be thankful that she at least wears them. "Tell me what you want, Hermione."
"I want you to make me a sandwich come," she breathed. "Tease me to an orgasm, Harry."
His finger slid to her clitoris, hard enough to be easily found through the material of her tiny silk thong. His left hand simultaneously found her breast and began to gently roll the nipple between thumb and forefinger. Such skill! But can he rub his head and pat his stomach simultaneously? She moaned gently, and tried to push forward against his hand. It was only a short time into his teasing ministrations before she murmured, "Harry, be inside me. You’re leaving the link open, and that’s going to get messy." Whaaaa? I'm so confused. Without waiting, she disengaged from his hands, unconsciously letting out a moan of disappointment. A few moments later, after moving the material of the thong to the side, she happily had him ensconced within her, and he began to tease her again, adding gentle kisses and nibbles to her armpits neck into the mixture. With the link open as wide as it was, they both rather quickly reached their destination.
Blah blah blah. Boring romantic dialogue.
"I love you," she said simply. "It's as simple as that, Harry. When we're finished with school, I intend to help you to continue the Potter line. Of course," she finished, "I want to get the process right, so I think it's going to take a lot of practice over the next two or three years." To punctuate her statement, she squeezed him tightly with her inner walls. Uh...Kinsfire...you do know that men's penises are usually quite sensitive right after they come, right? And that would probably be quite painful for him? Refractory period? What's that? "You're still inside me, Harry. Make me happy again." His hands came up to caress her breasts, and they fell into more gentle lovemaking.
As they eventually walked back up to the castle, Harry chuckled as he looked at his wife. "You're going to drive the boys in the tower crazy, love. You’re trying to escape from this abomination of a fanfic your sweater."
"They’re going to have to get used to it. I’m through being a fake person while I’m at school. Doing that for too long can make it true." So...covering up your boobs makes you a fake person? Who knew! She pulled him closer with the arm around his waist. "I’m in love with you, and you give me the strength to just be myself here at school. Thank you for being you, Harry."
Harry thanks Hermione and her parents for being so wonderful, because she is the only friend he's ever had, and the Grangers are the only parent-figures he's had. Weasleys? Who are they?
They also talk about how Harry is so great at sex that his mom is still raving about how awesome it was. Kinsfire, you should know that being "good" at sex (1)takes practice and (2)is largely subjective.
"What some people will stoop to," drawled the familiar tones of Draco Malfoy, barely a second after they’d entered the front courtyard.
Cut for more witty banter between Harry and Draco!
"Are you threatening me with a good time, Potter?" he asked, a little too loudly.
"Actually, no. I’m trying to keep you from hexing either myself or my bride-to-be. If, you’ll simply put the wand away, I can put mine away and we’ll all be happy." He paused, aware of a presence in the courtyard in back of him. "Right, Professor Snape?"
"Put the wand away, Potter. No one wants to see that. That will be fifty points from Gryffindor for indecent exposure attempted duelling on the grounds, and a detention with me tonight during the dinner hour." Snape’s smile could only be described as oily. Gooooooo Snape!
You’d think he was following us, too, just to get me into trouble, Harry grumbled over the link to Hermione. As Harry put his wand away, Malfoy’s snapped up and he fired off a quick Stunning spell; Harry could see him out of the corner of his eye, but couldn’t respond in time. Harry went to his knees and felt Hermione stagger slightly as it hit him, but they both fought off the effects rapidly, since it hadn’t been vocalised. By the time they’d shaken it off, Snape was on his way back into the castle, and Malfoy was nowhere to be seen. Shaking his head, he turned and walked back into the castle, with Hermione right beside him. "I don’t believe it!" she was muttering. Really? It seems like pretty typical Snape behavior to me. "He heard what you said, and still gave you demerits Demerits? Hogwarts doesn't do demerits. and detention! And let Malfoy get away with a blatant attack! That man! That fucking bastard! she finished with a hiss. Seriously, why is she freaking out like this? Snape is always blatantly unfair. Just because everyone else is kissing your perfectly perky ass doesn't mean he will.
Harry stopped short and looked at her. "Damn, you are angry. Don’t worry, though. I’m heading to the Headmaster’s office right now. A Pensieve can be your friend, when used right." Yeah...Dumbledore has never stopped Snape from being disgustingly unfair before, what makes you think he'll stop now? As they reached the gargoyle, Professor McGonagall stepped out from the stairway. "Ah, Professor! Just who I need to see."
"How may I help you, Mister Potter?" his head of household asked.
"I was just given a fifty point demerit and a detention tonight, and I believe it to be unfair. What is the process for challenging those decisions? I’ve never done it before, but I know there must be one." NO. JUST NO. I HATE YOU, KINSFIRE.
"Professor Snape, am I right?" she asked, her brogue getting just a little thicker as her anger grew slightly. This is what my face looks like right now: D: She turned to Hermione. "Were you a witness?" Hermione nodded. "Excellent. You were right to head in this direction. We would bring it before the Headmaster, so since we are already here-"
Draco gets the punishment that should have been Harry's, and there is more ass-kissing. Lots of it. Hey, Kinsfire, I think Ryan Stiles has a present for you!
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They re-entered Gryffindor Tower to find it surprisingly empty of people. Harry sat on the couch, and without a second thought Hermione sat on his lap and moved in for a kiss. "I love you so very much, Mrs. Potter," he whispered to her, voice laden with gravy emotion.
Cut for more disgusting "romantic" dialogue.
"I think you’d best stop, unless you want the Gryffindors to find out just how you affect me, Hermione. Your squirming on my lap..." He left the comment unsaid, but she pressed herself a little against his earlobe erection. "Yeah. You do that to me so easily it’s not funny, love. It doesn’t help that being bonded to you shows me what a horny little thing you are."
"You’re experiencing what you’ve done to me since I was twelve, Harry." TWELVE? WHAT IS THIS, HOGWARTS EXPOSED? She gave him a sultry look. "Just be glad you got to me when you did. I’d have killed you if we waited until our twenties."
"What a way to go," he laughed, and kissed her gently, as Sue Assassins doused them in lighter fluid and set them on fire.
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Snape is super duper mean, and makes Harry partner with Pansy Parkinson, and Hermione with Malfoy.
The students finally seated with their new partners, Professor Snape turned to face Harry directly. "Mister Potter, since you seem to have scored an Outstanding on your O.W.L. for this subject, perhaps you can use that much vaunted knowledge to tell me what happens if you put eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog together into a potion." NO NO NO NO. YOU WILL NOT BRING MACBETH INTO THIS.
"Ah, getting Shakespearian on me, eh?" Harry chuckled. "Well, I’ll ignore that the only one who seems to brag about my Potions knowledge is you, by denigrating it, and tell you that it would lead to an explosion that would likely require moving classes to a different classroom while this one was having the structural damage to the room repaired." Ha ha ha oh Harry, you are so clever it just makes me want to VOMIT.
The professor’s eyebrows rose at that answer, and turned to the board again, clearing off the seating diagram and replacing it with the potion that they would be working on that day. Two hours later, they left the room, being stopped for a moment by Snape. "You may have whinged your way out of detention this time, Potter, but you will not always be so lucky. I will drive your arrogance from you before you leave this school."
"I’d expect nothing less of you, sir," Harry replied simply, and left the room.
Chapter 16 ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter 18