Family Matters: Chapter Eighteen
Chapter 18
Harry and Hermione loved their first Friday back. They had made an effort earlier in the week to get homework done early, and had successfully done so. Normally, I'd complain about how out-of-character this is for Harry, but I have come to realization that this is not Harry. This is a walking dildo made out of pure angst that happens to look like Harry. This left them the entire day to themselves. They were spending it working on the wedding.
"Okay, we've got the flowers dealt with; the invites are pretty much a bust, since everyone except the Weasley family are already here; and the rings are already chosen," Harry said. He looked up. "You'd said you wanted to use those cock rings, right?"
"Yes, they're lovely, and I think it's perfect to have something of your parents being part of the wedding. Other than you, of course," she finished with a laugh. She moved her shoulders oddly, and then grumbled. "I'm going to have to ask the elves what they use to wash the shirts. This one is itchy, and I don't remember it being that way before." Nope, that's just the itching powder that Fred and George put in it. She undid the shirt and pulled it off, laying it over the back of the sofa in the Gryffindor common room As had been the case Monday, she wore nothingchainmail beneath it. "What else do we need to deal with?" she asked.
Cut for five bajillion paragraphs of wedding planning. I'm not even joking about that. It's ridiculous and boring. They spend several paragraphs discussing the color scheme, and what shade of white will look best with their colors. They are discussing all this in the common room while Hermione is shirtless.
Neville walked over, bright red. "Does it bother you to be - uh, topless - uh, around a group of boys?"
Hermione gives a lecture about the beauty of naturism that gives me Hogwarts Exposed flashbacks. I cut it to spare you all the trauma. Hermione's talk about how her being naked is not at all sexual is kind of undermined by the fact that it's pretty clear that all the boys want to see her naked because she's just that hot.
"Right, then. No scarring the lower classmen for life," agreed Harry. After a momentary mental conversation with Hermione, he said, "How about this? We offer up the common room for our suites for those who want to study or schmooze wearing less than what they normally would have to wear? Fifth years on up, and no coming in to just ogle - you're there because you want to be more comfortable, not because you want to make someone else less comfortable by staring. It's not exactly a small room itself, so we can accommodate a few people."
"Why?" Parvati asked simply.
"Because neither of us wants to make others uncomfortable by forcing them to experience something they don't want to. If you're not comfortable in your skin around others, then why should I force it on you by walking around out here nude?" he answered. Yeah, that's what the Hogwarts Exposed Sues said at first, too. That didn't stop them from pushing their nudism on other people.
Ginny looked at Neville and winked before saying, "Don't worry your pretty head about that, Harry. Force away!" She looked to Neville and added, "Maybe we can get Neville to do the same." Oh great, another romance that Kinsfire pulled out of his ass. And why must he do it with ships that I think are cute? You are ruining my enjoyment of my favorite non-canon pairings, Kinsfire!
Neville turned a bright pink, and looked to Ron in worry. Ron simply said, "You know the threats we Weasleys would give you, so do I really have to say them?"
Everyone kisses Harry's and Hermione's asses.
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Monday started a new school week, and both Harry and Hermione were in fine form. The groom and his groomsmen had indeed gotten their dress robes that weekend, and Madame Malkin had agreed completely with the decisions that Harry had made concerning trim and such. Harry had overheard Ron and Neville muttering things to Remus about a ‘bachelor party’ and just hoped they’d keep it to butterbeer. Nope, they're going to have Snape do a striptease for you. Remus the former professor he could trust to keep a lid on things, but Remus the former Marauder might very well aid and abet Ron’s wilder side, and Harry had no idea which Remus would dominate sexually.
His classes went quite well, even without Hermione in his head, which pleased him to no end, since it truly meant that he had learned the material. He had gotten a chuckle from the class when he showed everyone the increased power he had at his command due to the link that he shared with Hermione. Conjuring a feather from the air, he performed the Banishing Charm on it, toward a stone wall that Professor Flitwick conjured. The resulting damage wasn’t great, but no one had ever seen a feather chip stone before. SERIOUSLY? What the fuck? In my opinion, Harry loses a lot of his appeal if he becomes an uber-powerful wizard. He didn't beat Voldemort because he was so awesome at magic.
They were on their way toward the Great Hall for lunch when they were met by Draco and his omnipresent bodyguards. "Ah, here’s the Potty and his little Mudblood. Amazing the depths that some people will stoop to just to get a little pussy, isn’t it, boys?" he sneered.
"I’m sure you’d know all about that," Harry drawled back at him, "since you can’t even find a woman that you don’t have to pay. Your date is your hand when your allowance runs out." I dunno, Pansy seemed to be pretty fond of him in canon.
"I’d watch my tongue if I were you," Draco started to threaten.
Hermione cut him off before he could finish the threat. "While it’s certainly long enough for him to watch it, Draco, when it’s out that far, he’s usually doing something else with it," she said dreamily. Oh yeah, I had forgotten about Harry's giraffe tongue. You know, the one long enough to hit Hermione's g-spot. "It’s certainly in no position that it can be looked at." She sighed to match her tone of voice. "Shall we continue on toward lunch, Harry darling?" she asked, offering her hand to Harry.
Cut for mushy dialogue between Harry and Hermione.
Harry thought of something and pulled out a piece of parchment and his quill. He wrote across the top ‘Uninvited’, and after underlining the word, wrote ‘Draco Malfoy’. "Making a list of people we don’t want at the wedding and reception, because they’ll only make trouble." He thought for a moment before adding ‘Severus Snape’. "Not that he’d attend anyway, unless the headmaster forced him to, but to make it official-"
"Who else?" she asked.
"Basically, the idea I'm working with is to disallow the known troublemakers, and possibly anyone we hear spreading the rumours that Draco is starting. Make a point to them. Right?" Well, not inviting Draco and Snape to your wedding will certainly show them! Snape will be weeping into his pillow for days when he doesn't get an invitation!
She thought for a moment. "Hmm, yes, but make sure that it's overheard by someone we trust. No putting someone onto the list because someone says that so-and-so told them. Neville, or Ron, or Parvati, or one of the others have to have actually heard the person saying it." At his raised eyebrow for the inclusion of Parvati, she added, "Look, we may disagree on a few things, but she knows the gossip mill around here, as does Lavender." He nodded, and they continued with their lunch.
Monday through Wednesday went as expected, with a handful of people joining Harry and Hermione in their common room each of the nights. Ron had joined them on Monday, actually being quite good at ignoring Hermione's state of near nudity, but left the room quickly when Parvati came in and shucked off her robe, leaving her in her underwear. Parvati looked hurt until Harry pointed out that Ron was actually paying both her and Luna a very strong compliment. "You see, he's really sweet on Luna, and you looking like that is making him think things that could cause that relationship problems before it's really started." I like the implication that Hermione is so ugly that Ron isn't tempted by HER nudity!
Parvati smiled as she realized that Harry was telling the truth. "Someone needs to tell that girl that she's got one hell of a boyfriend there." She looked at Harry. "Aren't you afraid that Hermione's going to get jealous, given the way you're looking at me?"
"Why would I?" Hermione said without looking up. "I trust him. I know him. Certainly he thinks you're sexy - I don't swing that way, as they say, and I think you're sexy." Does anyone want to take any bets on how long it will be before Hermione decides that she does, actually, swing that way? She finally looked up. "Besides, any frustrations you cause for him will most joyfully be worked out with me later on." She grinned at the dark skinned girl. Parvati blushed.
Blah blah blah.
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Thursday was their second Potions class, and Harry had a bad feeling about the day from the moment he woke up. He couldn't pin down the reason, just that he felt wrong somehow. Kinsfire, you have replaced Neil as the master of subtle foreshadowing. This feeling translated through the link to Hermione, which made her edgy as well. "Harry, what is bothering you?"
"I wish I knew, love. It’s driving me crazy, trying to figure it out." He shook his head and continued to pick at his breakfast. Breakfast was interrupted by Sue Assassins, who killed them with bloody efficiency.
Finally, it was time to head off to Potions, by far the least favourite class he had. The dampening spell was cast and they headed off, finding themselves surprised to walk into a classroom with the Slytherin contingent already seated and waiting for the beginning of class. This set Harry on edge even more.
Snape glided into the classroom in his usual manner and stood before the class. He began to teach the class, but was quickly interrupted by Hermione saying rather loudly, "Draco Malfoy, if you touch me like that again, they’ll be regrowing your teeth and jaw." Congrats, Kinsfire! You've hit another one of my pet peeves: turning Draco Malfoy into a creepy rapist.
"Are we having a problem, Miss Granger?" Snape asked with disgust. "Do you need your fiancé to defend you?"
"Oh no," she said sweetly. "I was just informing your student that if he attempted to place his hand in my crotch again that he would be spending some quality time with Madame Pomfrey as she regrows body parts I was going to remove. Nothing more than that."
Snape eyebrows rose as he replied, "Well, given the proclivities of the Gryffindors this year, his misunderstanding of the situation, while extremely badly timed, is completely understandable." Well, Snape blaming the victim is pretty in-line with his character. He glared at Malfoy.
Harry grumbled. "So it's her fault for dressing that way in the privacy of our chambers where only our friends are allowed? That gives the ferret a right to molest my wife-to-be?" he added rapidly.
"School is not the place for such proclivities to be exercised, Mister Potter, Hear, hear! and I have warned you before about your tone. Fifty points from Gryffindor for your extreme insolence. I shall also be talking to the headmaster about this little love nest you and Miss Granger are running in your quarters. Undoubtedly, you will be given the special treatment that you always have received since the day you were born, but the complaint must be lodged." He stalked forward to stand before Harry. "Open your mouth to respond and you will be receiving a detention." Harry stared daggers at him, which affected the Potions Master not at all. The man began to teach again, and the classroom slowly returned to normal.
The class continued as could be expected, with Snape making his usual digs at Gryffindor. Partway through class, Harry could feel a dull heat forming in his stomach, one that he rather enjoyed. He found it harder to concentrate, but it wasn't until he heard an erotic moan in his head that he shook himself free. He looked over to Hermione, who was nominally looking at Professor Snape, but there was the hint of a smile on her face. It was the smug look on Malfoy's face that made him realize that something was up. What the fuck? Malfoy is molesting Hermione magically? This is stupid.
Pointing his wand toward Hermione under the table, he murmured, "Finite Incantatem," and watched as both Hermione and Malfoy jumped in shock. She turned quickly on Malfoy and reached down before he could move, yanking the wand from his hand. "Despite your sociopathic little belief, Malfoy, I am not here for your sexual amusement," she snarled. Malfoy has never harassed Hermione sexually, and I didn't miss the implication that Hermione is just so hot that Malfoy wants to rape her. Eurgh. You're disgusting, Kinsfire. "Do that again and I'll snap both your wands."
"Are we having a problem, Miss Granger?" Snape sneered. "Having trouble keeping boyfriends in line?"
"He was casting a spell on her for some sick purpose," Harry interjected. "I cast a Finite on her."
"And how would you know?" Snape asked, his voice clearly stating that he thought Harry's magical knowledge (or lack thereof) should have gotten him kicked out after his first year.
"I felt it through our link," he answered. "It was subtle, which is unusual for Malfoy, but it was there. I stopped him, I don't feel it anymore."
"So you and Miss Granger have a telepathic link, do you?" Snape scowled, his face starting to colour unflatteringly. "So not only am I forced to deal with a silly Gryffindor know-it-all who can't keep her legs closed, but I am forced to take you into my class so that you can cheat your way to a good grade based on her knowledge?" He pulled his wand and pointed it at Harry. "I will not have it, do you hear me? I will not stand for it! Trennen Sie Bindung!" An ugly vermillion beam shot out at Harry and struck him fully in the chest. WOOHOO! I can only hope that it kills both Harry and Hermione.
Chapter 17 ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter 19