I had the longest day of my life today.

I attended a funeral service for Matt Hill.
He taught at the SCC conservatory both years I attended.

He was 35 and hadn't even been married a year.

It was an odd time warp, being about 2 years ago in my life
with all the people I forgot I loved,
catching up in the cold sunlight,
hugs, laughter, remember whens.

How ( Read more... )

Success just seems like a dirty word to me ( Read more... )

i have started doodling ( Read more... )

kristina and i used to throw glasses at our walls. the first time was just because it was our first time living on our own. id always wanted to throw a glass at a wall and watch it shatter. we were eating chinese take out and i told her that we should just throw our glasses at the wall. just because they were our glasses and we could. she giggled, ( Read more... )

now lives in california. she has several cats, all of which she hates, indoors and a variety of dead plants outside. no one visits except for the meals on wheels volunteers to which she is a total bitch too. she keeps no contacts.

nothing is worse than being unprepared.
i had my stage manager's interview.
i was told 20 minutes after that i was still pale.
its such a mortifying experience to have to tell and prove to someone that you dont suck.
and what if i do?
what do i say in my defense?
what do i really have to offer?
i was terrified.

my worst habit is the hardest to kick.
and it hurts so bad everytime i indulge.
i look over my shoulder to make sure no ones looking so often people around me start to stare.
i hate myself for it.
i try to stop.
all my other habits, tendencies, none of them are this bad.
fuck.

it seems as if lately my only response to everything is i dont know ( Read more... )

i just lost $300 at fort mcdowell casino.
and i wanna go back with my life savings.

probly even whats left of my soul.

pleasantly plastered.
and waiting.