Here I am again. I don't know when I last posted here. I only come here when things get too confusing.

Life is the same, and different. Work gives me so much anxiety, but yet I can't bring myself to say no to this course that's going to land me in a one-year minimum service period.

I feel so trapped. What will become of me?

God help me. Please.

slamming doors
angry foot steps
injustice
grudge
raised voices
no. no. no.
how do i escape from all this
will this ever stop
is there an end

I shouldn't try to push it. If the dates don't coincide, then so be it. See you in August la k.

Sitting in the ferry waiting to go to Tsawwassen now. Just a quick update because I want to say this. I feel so so so grateful to be given the chance to be here, so far away from home, financially secure, with the opportunity to travel and see what the world has to offer. I could say the Vancouver kids were a part in helping me realise this, what ( Read more... )

I really don't know how to react to nice people. Nice and distant people. What the fuck are they thinking, know what I mean?

I hope I look back at this in six months and realise that this was just a waste of time and emotions. Nothing could have happened even if I stayed. But it was good knowing you. See you when I get back.

Maybe.

This is highly amusing but don't make this more painful than it already is. :( Didn't know that one night could make such a difference. Please let this feeling pass soon. Feels like my uncontrollable/retarded/childish/immature jc days again. :( Why do people always want things they can't have :( Please pass please pass please pass I can't deal with ( Read more... )

How do I leave all this behind? Unfinished and angry conversations.

Even though these doubts are overwhelming, I know there's only one constant I can rely on over the next six months. I am just hoping that nothing happens back home that will make me regret leaving.

"Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, ( Read more... )

"Yet I was a lonely traveler in a vast landscape. Overlooking that lake and the magnificent peaks that flanked its shores, I had no companion to take joy in my discovery. I know others had been there before me. I've spoken about them and read about their journeys. They are the great wanderers, who quest to be the first to survey and climb the ( Read more... )

I really want to get the lens. It's $600 secondhand and that's very cheap for a lens but it's still such a hard decision. Because I am so broke. I have never been so broke in my life. But I want it so so so bad. I want to create an epic film of my exchange experience. Of my experience in North America. I want it so bad I actually feel like I could ( Read more... )