It's so hard to look forward to the future when I find myself missing the past. I miss the flirty texts, the openness of our communication, how much we wanted one another. Connor thinks that none of that was sustainable, but I do. The meds have got me so down, and my mood has changed drastically, not necessarily for the better. I just don't feel ( Read more... )

Current scene: sitting on the toilet, wrapped in a towel, and uncontrollably crying. Something’s gotta give, right?

The feeling of being lost continues. Dan and I only seem to be fighting these days, and when we're not fighting, just sitting in silence or talking about mundane topics. I keep wondering how happy I am and if it'll ever come back. So much of our relationship feels lost, although I know it has felt that way before, and it came back - so is it ( Read more... )

I can't shake the feeling that I never want to be in my apartment anymore, only at Connor's. It feels like home to me and my apartment--with all of my stuff--feels like a stranger. I just wish I knew what to do.

I can't help feeling like at least parts of this should be easy, and sometimes none of it does. There's always a bomb to be dropped or something to shake up. It felt so easy at first.... and it's just been spiraling ever since, with something new lurking around every corner. Feeling vulnerable and scared because I know I put my heart out there and ( Read more... )

Just had to scream into the void somewhere that I'm terrified that no matter how many skills I learn or ways to cope, I'll never be okay with my partner seeing someone else. It may not be true and I won't know until I get there, but I'm terrified it is.

I’m just wondering if this night, which has been full of red flags, will have any bearing on my future. Maybe leaving for a month? Going out with one of my closest friends and only casually dropping that you’re meeting up? Idk. Doesn’t feel great, and that’s all I can really feel right now. I’m terrified that this is too good to be true and it’s ( Read more... )

Hey you ( Read more... )

We haven't spoken since Saturday, arguably the longest stretch since everything happened in February. I think we both need the space, although it did occur to me that she told me all about her Italian "lover" simply to push me away. I think I'm too close for comfort and I honestly wonder the last time someone knew her as well as I do.

So much has happened since I last wrote. Currently, I am emotionally zapped, wishing I could crawl back under the covers or drink my sorrows away, but I can’t ( Read more... )