i am just warning anyone who is about to read this;it will not make sense. i dont even mean that it will be confusing, i mean it will basically be like reading gibberish. just so you know ( Read more... )

now, going to the Berkshires alone for a couple days, thatd be wonderful. id do that in a second, but life isnt perfect, is it ( Read more... )

i had nightmares for the first time in 6 years. bad, memorable nightmares. i also spent about 2 hours very very early yesterday morning trying to breath as a panic attack hit me, and that was less than utterly enjoyable, i must admit. it was true, what i said. i laugh to keep from screaming...and i wanted to, inside my own mind there was a raging ( Read more... )

got in a fight with one of my best friends yesterday morning, wouldnt even have cared about the cause if he hadnt had smth to do with it, so now were not talking. again. yeesh. the rest of the school day wasnt too bad. then i got home, and it went rather downhill from there. got in a fight with my parents, worse than usual by far. then went thru ( Read more... )

pretty good news ( Read more... )

i want to be different. i know its superficial, very much so, but i want to be pretty, is that so much to ask? i want to be nice and compassionate and caring and sweet and understanding and basically a good person, but im not like that. i try sometimes, but the first person who says smth stupid or shallow or annoying i say exactly what im thinking ( Read more... )

everything i say you just have to twist, convince yourself that i dont mean it, that i dont care, make me hurt that much more than i already do, tell me i dont understand, dont let me understand, and place impossible responsibility on my shoulders, then lash out at me when im less than perfect. well im sorry to say im not leaving, im not abandoning ( Read more... )

im an idiot. no comment from any of you is necessary on that. but i just cannot be happy. no matter what i do, i find smth to complain about. thats pathetic. doesnt that just define me, after all? no, dot answer that either, itll just indulge my tendency towards drama. i must be a masochist, you know? i didnt have to say what i said, i could have ( Read more... )

im pretty sure that love is the only thing that makes life truly fun, happy, exciting, and godawful miserable, all at the same time. and even if it ends up being a mistake, its still put you on that high, and personally i think thats worth it. its also addicting and difficult to give up on. so even tho it might be a mistake, its worth it, right? im ( Read more... )

i just realized that i havent updated for a while, which really surprised me, since a) thats kinda of a big change and b) im here all day anyway so why not write random shit to ppl who couldnt care less, but apparently i didnt think exactly that way till now ( Read more... )