[Tiny Drabble] Craving

[sunflower1343]

Title: Craving
Pairing: Asami and Akihito
Rating: R
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: They belong to Sensei

Note: I posted this at YA comm to encourage people to try a one page drabble for the fanbook we're doing there.

Comments

[olympia_m]

*purrs a lot*
oh, that was just perfect.... I like how balanced their relationship finally is, how you bring it to life, how you make it seem natural and at the same time bring up the issues of right and privilege... just perfect!
(also, I hope this signals the end of your writing block *fingers and toes crossed*)

for some reason this was my favourite line: else he was wearing the latest trend and they'd missed out. It's as Akihito is finally becoming a bit jaded by it all, and then, Asami appears and he's not jaded at all - he's alive and he wants and he's just himself. *happy sigh*

(and what a lovely idea to encourage people *G* I warm you, I might be submitting something too...)

[sunflower1343]

I hope you do submit something! Your writing is so lovely, and you are very good at writing short concentrated pieces.

I'm not sure if this is the end of my block or not. It took me two days to write this one page. ^^; Or rather half a day to write it and a day and a half to figure out what I didn't like and fix it. But maybe I can get back to some of the things I was working on now. :)

I think Akihito will change on the surface some, but with Asami he will always be himself (or Asami will make him be), you know? Asami will keep him honest. (and he will do the same for Asami)

Thanks! I'm glad this didn't suck LOL. XD

[vialia]

Wow. Simply Wow.

Very powerful and intense drabble, it was a pleasure to read. ♥ And the characters were so perfectly in character, that I just couldn't help myself and read it twice.

Thank you for sharing this masterpiece with us and it would definitely adorn the Fanbook for Yamane-sensei. ♥

[sunflower1343]

Thank you. I'm not going to put it into the fanbook though. Unless there aren't enough entries. I don't feel right about doing that since I'm the one organizing it.

[vialia]

So not fair that you're not going to try and put your story into the Fanbook. ;_;
I mean, people will vote, express their opinion and wishes what fictions they want to see. Your fiction is very good in every way so it's definitely worth for Yamane-sensei to see it and be one of the fine representations of YA comm. <3

I suggest you at least to submit your story for voting and the members of the comm will decide what's the right thing to do. :) *hugs*

[istahire]

Wow that was like a feast for the senses, you managed to bring out the sound and smell and feel of it so vividly! I really like that Aki seeks him out now, instead of the cat and mouse game they used to play (and is getting a little bit tiring in some of the flood of fanfics on the comm ^__^;;)

And the mental image of Aki as a cat rolling in Asami-catnip ... LOL! (I can just see the sensei-style chibi right there!)

Thank you for the lovely drabble ^_______^

[sunflower1343]

Thanks! ^___^ I was going for Post-NT in a nutshell, trying to show change in one condensed shot.

(and I too am tired of cat and mouse fanfics at this point. That's probably the one thing that makes me write more than anything else, when I'm not finding fics I want to read.)

[cirrus74]

That was lovely. I liked this line:

"More," Akihito demanded. He felt he had the right to these days.

I like how Akihito has accepted that they mean something to each other more than the chase game that they play.

The crowd parting for him was amusing - oh well, they probably got it right, he's Asami's lover after all :P

[sunflower1343]

And Asami was approaching from the opposite side. XD But yes, I did want to get across a changed dynamic in this. Thanks. :)

[commonlogic]

I`ll agree with the commenter above who said that this is a feast for the senses. I could feel the hairs on the back of Akihito`s neck standing up.

I love the aspects of rights and, really, ownership. I think that this is a nice exploration of their relationship post-NT. I love that it`s egalitarian, and I absolutely ♥ Akihito`s staking his claim.

I`m sure that sensei will be very happy to read it :)

[sunflower1343]

Thanks. I didn't have a lot of room so I guess I felt I had to be potent. XD

I'm really looking forward to seeing what YA does now with them. From her comments I can tell that she too is happy to put the beginning of the series behind her. I feel like she'll be writing the relationship she finally wants to with them, one where the balance of power is a little more equal.

It gives me food for thought too. :)