i conveniently forget that i have not got too far from feeling self conscious very often. i'm glad there has been a focus on actually being legitimate in my actions, so that when i am being judged (or whatever) that it is on something real and not a show i'm putting on, but still. i can't control what anyone thinks. i just have to be the best i can ( Read more... )

my problems with this weekend, and with myself lately, start to make sense ( Read more... )

days like these, kind of get to me. is it just that i like, shouldn't have any free time ever? cause it seems like i don't have many friends i wanna spend it with. the age old dilemma i've had forever... being afraid that i have to do it all alone ( Read more... )

ok so im glad i didn't post the wallow in my own misery post ( Read more... )

i kind of snuck off from ceremony tonight and i feel a little conflicted about it. i could have toughed it out over there, but i just really really wanted to be home. in my bed, with my food and my music and my tea and my vibe. i probably shouldnt bounce like that though in the future. i'm sure i'll get a talking to about it from michael ( Read more... )

today, i got hooked up a bit. and i am stoked and thankful for that. its good to have friends, and to be taken care of sometimes. i feel like it might be me doing the right things, and also being an eager student. trying to do my best, and to be honest and make good choices through it all. it can be such a challenge to just remember how important ( Read more... )

in a spiritual, physical, and emotional detox ( Read more... )

nostalgia is looking for the past in the present, the opposite is looking for the present in the past ( Read more... )

and i feel much better now about myself, as a person and as a musician. i think i'm still making decisions based out of fear of how scary the world can be. still a focus on the darker side of things. i need to open my eyes to the awesome secrets i've unravelled the last few months here. look up and the nicer things, and don't be afraid to get cut ( Read more... )

first i will share my deepest fantasy with you. to be a guitar player in a grunge-type band from the 90's, rocking out and being flamboyant, wearing make-up and women's clothes, doing way too many drugs and not even knowing how awesome i am EVER ( Read more... )