I know that in the small microcosm of my family, grieving is not allowed. My maternal family has very Lutheran roots, so this may be the cause for the stoicism.
On the other hand, my paternal family will not let things go--and they do not know how to express emotions without hurting others.
I had no grieving period. I do need others to understand, when I grieve or have gone through trauma, that I need to talk about it.
Grief and trauma are very much the same thing, for me. Both are sudden pain that requires a lot of healing, and the dreams are the worst. I have more personal experience with trauma, unfortunately, so I'm not sure I can help since it's pretty tied up in that.
That's a really brilliant/fascinating/impossible project, I hope I get to see how it turns out (here via Blackletter). I keep trying to think of something helpful to add, but I can only think of things that are true *of me*. I agree with the comments from the last post about how it would be easier if there was a visual symbol of grieving, though.
Yeah, it's feeling paralyzingly impossible at moment. But I have six years of funding before I HAVE to finish it, so that helps at least.
And things that are true of you are wholly helpful, too; please do contribute your thoughts, if you're willing! Part of the fascinating thing about grief (to me, at least) is the way in which even very specific details can call up larger resonances--it's amazing how much even these snippets and rules have reminded me of memories of my own grieving experience that I'd completely forgotten.
Lucan and grievingblackletterSeptember 21 2009, 00:18:59 UTC
So, I'm coming up to the end of Lucan's epic, and there's a bit about Cornelia (Pompey the Great's wife) wrestling with the whole rules for grieving thing. And so I thought of your project
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On the other hand, my paternal family will not let things go--and they do not know how to express emotions without hurting others.
I had no grieving period. I do need others to understand, when I grieve or have gone through trauma, that I need to talk about it.
Grief and trauma are very much the same thing, for me. Both are sudden pain that requires a lot of healing, and the dreams are the worst. I have more personal experience with trauma, unfortunately, so I'm not sure I can help since it's pretty tied up in that.
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And things that are true of you are wholly helpful, too; please do contribute your thoughts, if you're willing! Part of the fascinating thing about grief (to me, at least) is the way in which even very specific details can call up larger resonances--it's amazing how much even these snippets and rules have reminded me of memories of my own grieving experience that I'd completely forgotten.
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