Off to New York city this weekend for a juggling festival.  I finally get to meet Mattias, I get to see Jay, Sean and Marcus again and I expect to have lots of fun.  What a welcome break from all the turmoil.  Maybe seeing some excellent juggling and talking to my friends will help me let go.

I'm still thinking about talking to Kim, but I'll make ( Read more... )

I'm keeping it short because I'm starting typing this at two in the morning.  First, the good news.  Those visions I wrote about that hit me last weekend have finally slowed down.  I only had one minor breakdown today, but I made it through most of the day without experiencing a vision.  I guess that's good news.

This isn't bad news, but it's ( Read more... )

Housekeeping, then troubling thoughts.  Whoever this anonymous person is, they're making my days better.  He/she/it speaks with the wisdom of a person far older than they probably are.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but when I read the responses from this person, they make sense of all this confusion I've been experiencing.  The person (I'm ( Read more... )

I called my dad tonight.  I told him that his visit was great for a distraction and I really enjoyed my new shoes.  The soles aren't falling off, which is a plus.  I did tell him though, that despite the distraction offered, I still didn't talk to him or mom about things I can do to get over Kim while they were in Syracuse.  Dad really didn't have ( Read more... )

I'll update about the unmentionable later.  For now, something that's been helping me cope.

Saying music effects your mood is like saying when the sun shines, it makes you warm.  That's just a given.  A good playlist has been helping me deal with my most recent depression.  Something about the interpretation of the lyrics linked with the pumping ( Read more... )

I didn't throw up today.  I guess that's an improvement.

What an awesome job my friends are doing.  I've had the chance to talk, I've gotten plenty of positive support and attention and fun-filled distraction.  Travis' two part birthday celebration really took the edge off for a long time on Friday and Saturday, even though I cried again after the ( Read more... )

After I called my mom last night, she was so worried about my condition that she drove two hours today, did nothing else during her day, just to come visit me in Syracuse and make me the center of attention and buy things for me.  While she was here, I felt really great.  I didn't say a thing about Kim even though I still thought about her.  I got ( Read more... )

I used to make fun of kids who experienced "emotional pain".  I used to call them weak and unable to deal with life.  Now that it's my turn to find out what emotional pain is, Karma is being the biggest bitch lover I have ever had.  Even though it never physically happened, I feel like I've been punched in the throat and stabbed in the chest.  I'm ( Read more... )

I looked at a website today called death clock.  It's a simple premise... just put in some information about yourself and it gives you an estimate of how long you have to live.  It doesn't take more than five minutes and it's obviously wrong (it has a counter down to the second of how long you have left) but it makes a point.  I have limited time ( Read more... )

I was thinking and daydreaming in cultural ecology as I often do (because the professor is a total nut job) and something occurred to me.  I thought it was worth explaining, because it was kinda interesting, kinda thought provoking and kinda debatable... just the kind of thing I want to put in my LJ.

Just as humans have needs for physical things to ( Read more... )