[fic] In the Confines of Amusement - 1/2
Title: In the Confines of Amusement
Pairing: Akame
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Psychological Thriller, Smut
Beta: carboncastel (have I mentioned how awesome she is, both as my beta and as a friend?)
Warning: Infidelity, clichés, author’s wishful thinking (LOL)
Summary: But my knees were far too weak to stand in your arms without falling to your feet.
A/N: This is pushing it. But I wrote it anyway, just so I could kill the plot in my head. The product of my hiatus. This fic wrote itself out and is reaching out to all you S people. This story can stand alone (it’s that evil) but it’s meant to be a second sequel to The Games We Play (NC-17), first sequel being Dirty Tactics (NC-17), both of which you should also check out for its smut and immoral plot and… yeah, you get my point.
Shout out to a couple of Hyphens. To wneliana who’s been very supportive through my hiatus, and who puts up with my… everything, really. To Linda ( amelinds on Twitter) whose AWESOME Kame drawings I received a few weeks back! Girl, consider this fic my thank you. :) To B Crew whose members are forever bastos. And to everyone else, actually, who continues to read the stuff I post here on LJ or flail with me on Twitter. I was on a hiatus for personal reasons (a.k.a. RL shit) but I think I can now say that those issues are resolved, also thanks to this inspiring, undying, and ever-welcoming fandom. I AM BACK, AND I AM HERE FOR GOOD. Or until I marry Kamenashi, which is to say, never.
oOo
I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark, and I was over, until you kissed my lips and you saved me
Jin makes a subtle glance at the other man in the room, whose form was still and motionless, sprawled on the sofa in the living room of Jin’s humid apartment, legs spread out over the length of the furniture with his bare back resting on one end. Kame’s unclothed chest catches Jin’s attention for a moment, because Kame’s breathing is so calm, so peaceful that Jin wants it to stay that way forever. He doesn’t want to say anything more, especially after what he told the producer.
Jin is settled in another couch, a smaller one, and the beer can almost slips in his hand as he continues to stare at Kame, whose eyes are closed in a fleeting moment of lightheadedness. They’ve had way more than a couple of beers tonight, and neither of them seems to be giving up just yet.
Kame is wearing low-riding khaki pants that bare just an ample amount of skin on his hip bones, but that’s probably just a bonus to the reason why Jin is glad that the younger man has gotten used to staying over. Perhaps, here, Kame feels that Jin is his, and his alone. Nothing here reminds either of them of Jin’s marriage.
Jin himself is half-naked, and he shifts his gaze to the beer can in his right hand as Kame finally replies.
“So… what are your plans?”
Kame’s voice is devoid of emotion or interest, as usual, because they are talking about Jin’s life. But Jin has gotten used to it, too, and maybe he has come to unnecessarily nurse the little hope inside him that, despite how Kame generally treats him, the younger man might just be inept at showing his affection and concern.
Jin shrugs in response to Kame’s question, not really knowing what his plans are. These days, it feels like it doesn’t matter, because however carefully he prepares for life, life somehow always gets fucked up for him.
“Jin… for god’s sake. You’re having a baby, you can’t just shrug your way around it - ”
Jin stands up and Kame abruptly halts speaking. His comment has obviously angered Jin.
“It’s not easy, okay,” Jin says quietly, eyes hidden by unruly curly hair, looking stiff and calm on the outside, though the now empty beer can being crushed in his trembling hand somewhat gives him away. He is angry.
Because it’s not easy.
It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, being here right now. It’s no laughing matter, going through a divorce trial from a marriage that has stirred much controversy right from the beginning, only to be informed by your soon-to-be-ex-wife that she’s pregnant with your child, but hey, she’s not pressuring you into doing anything about it, she’s merely informing you… At least, that’s what she said.
Worst of it all - kind of like the reverse of the cherry on top - is being in love with a man whose commitment you’re never sure of. That’s what sucks most about this, if Jin were to be asked. He’s fighting for something - someone - without ever knowing if that same person is standing up for him, too.
“I don’t intend to shrug it away or whatever but fuck it, I’m only human - ” goes Jin’s mini rant as he attempts to walk away, intending to proceed to his bedroom, but even before he manages to go around the center table, Kame grabs his arm and pulls violently at him, sending him flying backward onto the sofa and spinning right into Kame’s arms.
“Sorry,” Kame says, drawing him closer and kissing him on the forehead. It’s a bare whisper, because, of course, Jin would never hear Kame apologize to him out loud.
Jin shifts to hover on top of Kame, skin brushing a little more than reasonable, and he lowers his head to kiss the smaller man. Even Kame’s lips taste a bit like beer now, though they’re always soft and smooth, and as Jin runs his tongue over them, his hands trace the muscle and bone over Kame’s cool, silken skin in the same slow, sensual manner. He presses his body against Kame’s, making a slow grinding motion as he deepens the kiss, but it’s Kame who stops and pulls away, holding Jin by the shoulders.
“No - Jin - ” Kame stammers as he catches his breath. “Let’s just sleep…”
Surprised as he is, Jin surveys Kame’s face and then he nods wordlessly. He pecks Kame’s lips and lies down against the producer’s chest, closing his eyes. In this position, he can hear Kame’s heartbeat, and it’s slow and calm, and somehow it soothes him, too.
Jin is mostly just confused over things right now and, despite their countless issues, he’s really grateful to have Kame by his side. There’s never any guarantee that Kame would still be here tomorrow, but Jin has learnt to be happy in his here-and-now, as long as it’s with this one man.
Before Jin falls into dreamless sleep, he feels Kame’s arms shift a bit. They tense around Jin’s shoulders and then loosen up again, but Kame never lets go of him, and Jin smiles as he feels Kame’s chest return to its steady rise and fall against his back, and the younger man’s breath - warm and soft puffs of air - blow over Jin’s hair.
My hands, they’re strong, but my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms without falling to your feet
Kame looks at Meisa expectantly, as if excited over something Meisa wants to tell him. She did call him and said she had something important to discuss, and Kame is not a multi-awarded best actor for nothing. Even if he knows what this is about, he remains wide-eyed and pretends to be innocent and perplexed with the way Meisa is twisting the table napkin between her fine and slender fingers, the way her elegantly glossed lips tremble as she attempts to utter what needs to be said - because Kamenashi is her boyfriend, and he needs to know.
“I’m pregnant,” Meisa finally states with closed eyes, and Kame makes the perfect reaction of a fading smile and tensing shoulders, and he even sets down his utensils to complete the impression. He looks at Meisa - long and piercing - and it elicits the exact response that Kame is waiting for. “I’m sorry… This must not be…” she makes a nervous chuckle, glancing at Kame’s visage. “This could never have been what you expected when…”
Her voice cracks, and she falls silent, and Kame could see the tears brimming in her eyes, and this… this needs to be taken care of, because it won’t be good publicity if the press find Kamenashi in a lovely restaurant on a fine, sunny day with his prominent actress girlfriend crying in front of him.
Kame adjusts his collar to appear uneasy over the information Meisa had just revealed, and Meisa looks up at him again, this time with unsure eyes. Kame smiles back uncertainly, truthfully unable to answer. He doesn’t know if she wants him to take responsibility for the child. Meisa is right; this indeed is not what Kame expected, but for entirely different reasons.
“I’d understand if… you’d want to break up with me now - ”
“No.”
Kame finds himself replying firmly, reaching across the table and taking Meisa’s hands in his. He has to give Meisa credit for being open to the idea that Kame would want to end their relationship now. Not a lot of girls would be as bold and humble as that.
“I might need some time to think but… we’re not breaking up.”
At that, Meisa’s face lights up, her shoulders relax, and she takes a sip of her mango juice - a spontaneous choice deviant from her usual wine or water, and which Kame could only attribute to her current condition - and she makes another small chuckle, this time out of relief, as she gracefully wipes her eyes with her handkerchief.
Kame smiles at her, and she beams back, and that curious, malevolent form of pleasure erupts inside him once more. As they resume their meal, Kame raises his glass of water to his lips to hide a furious grin. He’s undecided yet as to how he will end this charade, but he is sure that he alone will end it, on his own terms.
When I lay with you, I could stay there, close my eyes
Feel you here forever, you and me together, nothing is better
Jin sways around in a swivel chair absentmindedly, humming low, unrecorded tunes to himself and he surveys the soundboards without really seeing them. He does have a recording session later in the very studio he’s sitting in at the moment, but right now he’s waiting for his favorite producer. It’s the first time that he got here before Kame.
Jin has been a bit concerned for most of the day about Kame’s affectionate gesture the previous night. He can’t recall if there ever was a time when Kame displayed such warmth; a night shared between the two of them never transpired without sex, so what the younger man did last night - holding Jin in his arms and telling the latter to just sleep - really baffled the singer.
Could it be that, somehow, Kame has come to grow feelings for him, too? Feelings that would allow him to enjoy a quiet night with the other without the need to feel that he’s getting something in return? Because spending time with Kamenashi Kazuya was obviously a privilege not granted many. Given Kame’s character, he would never stay in this unnamed, undefined relationship with Jin if he didn’t get as much benefit from it as he saw fit.
Pulling himself back into his physical surroundings, Jin wants to kick himself for starting to hope that Kame has finally fallen in love with him, too.
As if on cue, the studio door swings open and in walks Kame, locking the door behind him as he speaks, “I just got off lunch with your wife. She finally told me she’s pregnant. Wonder when she’ll announce it to the press, though?” he says, as if just thinking aloud.
“Why are you pretending to like her?” Jin asks out of the blue, never getting out of his seat and rather amused as he watches Kame strip himself completely.
“I’ll have an answer to that when you come up with one,” Kame answers reticently, wasting no time and climbing onto Jin’s lap, quite happily if Jin were to be asked.
Jin should be offended by Kame’s remark, but like so many things between the two of them that don’t work the way they’re supposed to, Jin has never questioned Kame’s thoughts and stance toward his marriage. It’s not like it’s important, too, given what they’ve been doing for the past year or so.
“What's up with you?” Jin asks instead as he puts his hand on the familiar curves of the smaller man’s waist - because no matter if Kame gains or loses weight, those curves are always there. “Last night, you didn’t even want to kiss much, and now you’re in such a hurry?”
Kame shrugs, his hair falling into his hazel eyes, “Don’t tell me you’re not in the mood because this indicates otherwise,” he says, palming Jin’s obvious erection through the jeans and rubbing intensely between them.
“Oh believe me, I am in the mood,” Jin responds as he forces down a moan. “I’m just wondering why - ”
“I’m going on a trip tomorrow.”
Kame momentarily kills the suspense even as he quickly unbuttons Jin’s shirt and pushes it off the larger man’s shoulders.
“I’ll be away for a week.”
So Kame wants a good fuck from his whore before he goes away for an entire week. At least, Jin can comfort himself with the fact that Kame will miss him, and that the producer is aware of and owning up to it. Jin pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind and tries to just focus on what’s happening right now, because Kame seems so turned on, so hungry for him that it somewhat scares Jin about what would happen when Kame comes back from his trip. Maybe he’s going to break up with me when he gets back? Again, pushing those thoughts away, right…
“Where are you going?” Jin asks as Kame marks his chest with love bites and licks and kisses that feel like heaven. Kame’s mouth is one of the most glorious things to ever exist on this earth, really.
“Izu - ” Kame replies distractedly, and Jin takes this opportunity to inquire some more.
“Who’re you going - mmmm - who’re you going with - ?” this time, Jin’s eyes are closed as he asks, and he barely gets the question out as Kame lathers one nipple with saliva, the younger man swirling his tongue and sucking like there’s no tomorrow, while his fingers make sure Jin’s other nipple is getting the same harshly sensual treatment.
“The usual. Koki - ” Jin recognizes the name of the playboy rapper Kame considers his best friend, “ - Yuichi - ” the news anchor and the only guy in their group Jin can stand, “ - Tatsuya - ” the snobbish athlete, “ - Junno - ” the dramatic actor whom Jin has never really figured out.
“It’s some sort of - ahh - reunion, then?” Jin comments as Kame’s wet kisses trail down his chest and stomach.
They all started out as idol singers, and they’re Kame’s friends from when he was just a newbie himself. Jin did hang out with them a couple of times in the past, when he launched in the music scene and had just started working with Kame, before there was some sort of mutual unspoken verdict that Jin just didn’t fit into the circle. Kame still sees them from time to time although they’ve branched out into different interests and fields of work.
“Come to think of it, you should come with us,” Kame replies with a quiet laugh, climbing off Jin’s lap and kneeling in front of the singer, looking up.
Jin rolls his eyes in response, and Kame chuckles again, but nevertheless unzips Jin’s fly, slow and teasing, and pulls down the other man’s underwear with his teeth, grinning up at his lover all the while. Jin grins back, only to close his eyes once more as Kame immediately takes his length into the younger’s mouth, warm and hungry and hollow, all just for Jin. Now just for Jin.
Jin has never mixed well with Kame’s crowd, and it’s not for lack of trying. At the beginning of Jin’s career, Kame helped him make connections and professional relationships - most of which are now superseded and unnecessary because Jin has crafted his own kind of network eventually - and he did try his best to mingle with Kame’s friends. It just… really didn’t work out.
If one would take a step back and look at the whole picture objectively - like how the rest of the public sees it at present - it’s just similarly impossible for Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin to cooperate, to blend artistically, to even be friends at all. Time and again, people have questioned why such an esteemed artist would agree to nurse the ego of a singer whose style and taste is so fickle there must be a bored teenager trapped inside him. That is exactly why the agency resorted to the strategy of keeping Jin’s reputation afloat by sharing some of Kame’s glory with him.
This thing that they have, though, meeting frequently and spending time together like a real couple, it’s not something that came about naturally.
Jin throws his head back when the head of his shaft starts hitting the back of Kame’s throat repeatedly, and he lets out groans and whimpers only Kame has ever had the pleasure of hearing. His hands crawl to Kame’s head, fingers taking a strong hold of the soft brown locks, threatening to pull ruthlessly if Kame ever dares stop the ecstasy he is delivering Jin’s senses right now. Never missing a beat, Jin casually notes how, while Kame’s one hand is wrapped tight around Jin’s cock, his other hand crawls to his bottom and soon Jin’s view isn’t convenient enough to observe where it’s going in and out of, but just the thought of replacing Kame’s fingers inside him with Jin’s cock makes the singer want to come too early.
Jin can still recall the first time he ever… committed this mistake. It was in a recording studio very much like this one, and around the same time of the day, too. No wonder it has become some sort of ritual for them. They fuck each other senseless anywhere they please whenever their schedules allow, but they love the studio.
Just when Jin thought he’s going over the edge, Kame’s mouth leaves him, and a few moments more, Kame is back on his lap, the younger man’s lips on his own, his ass hovering over Jin’s member. Jin looks up at Kame and sees in his eyes a silent command for his desires to be satisfied, for his lust to be satiated, for his body to be used. And who is Jin to defy? His hands regain feeling and mobility as his fingers crawl along the crack of Kame’s butt, opening the man wide for his shaft.
“Unghhh… Jinnn…”
Those were the exact same sounds Kame made when Jin entered him for the first time, slamming him against the mixing console in the studio and not even waiting a moment for Kame to get used to the feel of Jin inside him. It was a temptation they gave into, and neither of them had forethought that it would lead to this… to now.
Perhaps almost a hundred recording sessions later - more or less each of which was preceded by sex in the same room - and here they still are, cursing each other and clawing at each other’s skin even as they race to bliss, fucking - and Jin looks forward to the day that they can call it ‘making love.’ A lot of things have changed since that first time. For one, Jin is married, on his way to a divorce. Funny, though, how the reason for his divorce is Kame, when it was Kame, too, who drove him into the marriage to begin with.
At some point in their vague relationship, Jin started feeling the downside of being someone’s dirty little secret - because Kamenashi Kazuya, the most respected industry authority of his generation, was reserving himself for the most deserving woman - and Jin got majorly pissed off for feeling so used. He tried to break away from Kame, a difficult feat when he was working so closely with him, at which point Jin met actress Kuroki Meisa, whom he gravitated toward precisely because she was so different from Kame.
“Ohhh… Jin, more…” Kame demands, his palms resting on Jin’s shoulders and his feet planted at the edges of the seat, allowing him to ride Jin’s cock as the latter’s hands hold firmly at his hips, guarding his balance. Jin’s moans blend with Kame’s pleas, their voices absorbed by the soundproof walls, never reverberating, and Jin wonders just how much more he can take before Kame takes him to heaven once again.
Jin and Meisa started going out over a year ago and the agency actually approved of it after learning of it from the news. Jin was genuinely drawn to Meisa because she, unlike Kame, showed him outright affection, true concern, and, Jin could suppose, real love. That is not to say Jin and Kame discontinued these illicit meetings. Inadvertently, Jin pursued Meisa to make himself feel better about Kame. In a sense, for a while, Jin had the best of both worlds.
“Right there - Jin - yes - god - fuck me, oh god - Jin, yes, Jin - ” Kame is not far off when he starts being incoherent like that, speeding up on his own rhythm as he bounces up and down on Jin’s member, and through the haze of sex, sweat, and the hair in his eyes, Jin stares at Kame and feels a twisted sort of contentment. He’s fully aware of all the things that got messed up these past few months - getting married all of a sudden, Kame wanting to stop meeting with him, issues with the agency, a baby on the way - all those things had made him feel doomed, if truth be told.
But right now, as he locks lips with the man he so desperately needs, as the both of them frantically seek release, bodies chafing and skin slapping, Jin is happy. He’s happy with the decisions he’s made. He’s divorcing his wife for Kame, and it’s the best feeling ever, and it makes him want to just shout out to the world how much he loves Kamenashi. And with those thoughts, he comes into Kame, and Kame comes against him, and he kisses him fiercely, wasting no breath as he fills his lover in, not just with sex but with feelings that he hopes would make their way into Kame’s heart soon.
oOo
Part 2