[fic] In the Confines of Amusement - 2/2

[superhero0008]

Title: In the Confines of Amusement
Pairing: Akame
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Psychological Thriller, Smut
Beta:
carboncastel (have I mentioned how awesome she is, both as my beta and as a friend?)
Warning: Infidelity, clichés, author’s wishful thinking (LOL)
Summary: But my knees were far too weak to stand in your arms without falling to your feet.

oOo

Part 2



But there’s a side to you that I never knew
All the things you say, they were never true

Meisa changes gears a second before the traffic lights turn green, the tires of her car screeching into full speed. She knows she’s way above the speed limit right now but she doesn’t care even as she barely avoids a collision at the intersection, the other car’s horn blaring after her as she speeds away.

Oh, the irony.

She’s rushing over to the hospital in distress over his car accident, and yet she’s seeking her own tragedy with the way she’s driving haphazardly, probably violating a dozen traffic rules and maybe a handful of human rights, too, as she races right past terrified pedestrians.

She breaks a sweat albeit the chilly interior of her vehicle. She doesn’t even know what happened, just that he’s in the hospital and reportedly unconscious since found at the scene of the crash.

Please let him be okay, Meisa prays to all the deities she can recall as she finally comes round the corner of the street where the hospital is located. Sure enough, a great swarm of reporters are hovering at the entrance, held off by security personnel and harassing every possible resource person on the goings-on in the hospital, so Meisa turns another corner to the building’s private entrance. Her car makes another screech as it halts and she alights, leaving it without a second thought and dashing into a clean and placid corridor, deceitful of the deathly dangers confronted within their very walls.

She’s been told that visitors aren’t allowed at the moment because of his unstable condition, but guards don’t stop her when they see her because, of course, they know her.

She’s his girlfriend after all.

The last time she talked to him was last night, when he called her before going to bed. He had been nice and civil earlier that day when Meisa told him about her pregnancy, but she was more than relieved to receive his call… to know that, well, he still cared. It was on that phone call that he said he was going on a trip and will be away for a week.

Please let him be okay, she hears her own thoughts again. Kamenashi’s manager also mentioned that he isn’t disfigured or seriously injured where limbs and internal organs are concerned.

It’s Kame’s brain the doctors are worried about.

Initial investigation suggests that the vehicle crash may have been tough on the producer’s head more than any other part of his body, and currently being in a comatose definitely supports such claim. From the way Meisa was told about it, it seems that all that even the doctors could do is wait with bated breath for the moment when Kame wakes up - if he will at all.

Kame’s manager - that openly gay, intimidating film industry authority who’s probably just some years older than Kame himself - explicitly told Meisa not to come to the hospital because she won’t be allowed to see him anyway, but how is she supposed to sit at home and wait for the news to come on TV?

“Hi, I’m looking for Kamenashi Kazuya-san’s room?” Meisa half-whispers half-pants when she approaches the nurse’ station. The young girl in white behind the counter looks up at her with wide eyes, as if seeing celebrities were forbidden, and she gapes at Meisa for a moment before she gets a response out.

“Just down the hallway. Right beside the emergency room, Kuroki-san,” she informs the actress politely, and Meisa’s heart skips a beat when she hears ‘emergency room’ even if she’s being told that he’s already out of it.

“Thanks,” she nods as she starts walking away. Curiosity gets the better of her, though, and she backtracks a few steps until she’s in front of the nurse again, whose attention is still with her. “Not that I’m complaining, but I thought no one’s allowed to visit yet?” she asks in an undertone just in case someone passes by.

The young nurse whispers back, “I’ve been informed of that, too, but… your ex-husband was allowed to visit. I didn’t know they were very close! Akanishi-san must be okay about you dating Kamenashi-san, then!” she gushes in a muted manner, rising a little from her seat. She blushes a bit when she realizes that she’s talking about such a personal matter, but Meisa smiles, concealing her astonishment.

So Jin is here… They never really talked about Jin whenever she and Kame went out, so she’s fairly surprised but nonetheless relieved that their friendship isn’t affected by Kame and Meisa’s relationship. She reminds herself, too, to act civil. She really doesn’t know what she’d feel when she sees Kame lying motionless in a hospital bed, but it’s better than wondering and fretting around at home, even if Jin has to be present when she sees Kame. It’s not like he doesn’t know that they’re dating, so he should expect that Meisa would come.

Reaching the correct room, Meisa finds her way blocked by two large, burly men in crisp black suits with bodyguard staples of dark sunglasses and earpieces that went back into their clothes’ interiors. They looked like agency security, and she stands in front of them, bracing herself because these men look immovable.

“Good evening, Kuroki-san,” one of the men bow to her and, to her amazement, they step aside for her to enter the room.

“G - good evening,” Meisa bows back as she mutters, although she’s unsure if the bodyguards heard it at all. She’s still rather stunned as she walks in, the door shutting soundlessly behind her.

The room is well lit and silent, with a couch to one side probably for guests. The patient’s bed is hidden by a drawn curtain divider, looking just as clean and crisp, and beyond it, Meisa could see the silhouette of a man lying on his side on the bed. She takes a tentative step closer, her nerves growing worse and her fear pounding in her chest, and then she takes another one, and at her third step, she halts abruptly as she hears a familiar voice.

“I’m just waiting for you…”

In her apprehension, she forgot all about Jin, but she’s glaringly reminded of his presence by his distinct speech. Jin sounded so sad, and despite her unease, Meisa appreciates that; they are such good friends. She takes a deep breath and approaches the bed, only to be taken aback with what she finds at the other side of the screen.

“When you wake up… enough of all this, Kame… Let’s quit the games and just stay together…”

Jin is sharing the bed with the patient, and he whispers his plea into Kame’s ear, whose form is still and serene, sleeping with Jin’s arms around him.

Meisa realizes the silhouette she saw was actually that of Jin. Meisa’s steps were quiet, and he doesn’t notice her until she’s at the foot of the bed, swaying slightly with what she’s seeing.

Jin raises his gaze and looks at Meisa with an alarmed expression, eyes wide and questioning and mouth open in shock, pretty much mirroring Meisa’s own, and they stare at each other for a few moments before Jin bounds off the bed and advances toward Meisa, who, in turn, takes hurried steps backward and rushes out of the hospital room.

“Wait - !” Jin yells as Meisa runs out, but she’s gone the next moment, and he watches the door close behind her instead.

Of course, Meisa was not prohibited from visiting Kame because everyone thought she was Kame’s girlfriend… Why hadn’t he thought of that? Jin wants to pull his hair out in aggravation. Another thing fucked up, another matter gone wrong. He glances at Kame’s bed, and tells himself it’s all Kame’s fault, and yet he can’t bring himself to be angry with Kame, who is fighting his own battle at the moment.

Sometimes I wake up by the door
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we’re already over
I can’t help myself, I’m looking for you

Jin knocks on the immaculate white door and waits. He’s standing outside Kame’s hospital room at 5:13 in the afternoon, and he’s planning to do something he had never imagined doing. The knock is not answered, so Jin does it again, louder this time. Contrary to his meeting with Meisa where he didn’t have a script in his head - because he didn’t know how to explain these things, and it was even more difficult to put in plain words for his wife - right now, he’s rehearsing in his head what he’s going to say to Kame, the points he’s going to argue for, the reasons he’s going to give. Right when Jin is about to knock for a third time, the door swings open to reveal Kame’s manager, and he looks so somber that it confuses Jin if he’s already said what he’s come here to say.

Because Jin is here to break up with Kame.

Jin enters the hospital room and momentarily has to shield his eyes from the glaring sunset coming in from the ceiling-high windows. Beyond the screen divider, he can see the silhouette of Kame, easily defined by the sunlight, sitting in a chair by the bed. He’s still, though from his posture, Jin can tell he’s awake. He looks as if he’s waiting readily, and it sends fresh waves of guilt crashing inside Jin.

Maybe… maybe it was never meant to be. He’s done everything in his power, and yet now there’s a baby on the way, and Jin has decided that, more than anyone involved, that child needs the most consideration. That’s what his talk with Meisa made him realize, too.

This morning, he went to her apartment - because they had agreed to vacate their conjugal home in light of the divorce trial - and he grasped the importance of his decisions upon speaking with his wife. Sometimes, it’s not just about his own happiness, and his own welfare. Every so often, he needs to check up on things, to make sure that the scales aren’t too much tipped in his favor, because it matters. Other people exist, and other people matter. In this case, Jin wants to acknowledge his child’s existence. He or she will be born and eventually grow up and Jin realized that he wants to start it right for this child.

Jin walks toward the bed, Kame’s manager ever so silent behind him. While it’s rare, he appreciates that. The guy probably knows by now what the relationship between Kame and Jin really is, and Jin is grateful for the absence of haranguing or even overly inquisitive observations. What’s important right now is that Kame is finally awake and okay, and Jin cannot possibly ask for anything more at this moment when he’s unready but convincing himself to let go.

Jin reaches the screen and goes around it to see Kame peering outside the window with a curious expression on his face, as if he’s dying to go out. Kamenashi is pretty against the dazzling sunset, and while Jin can’t remember when exactly he fell in love, this image is definitely something that is strongly reminiscent of that feeling, of being so enamored with something so beautiful, of wanting it all for yourself, and of believing that it’s all fated to turn out that way. Jin still feels the same way, but things have become so twisted and intricate, and all that Jin is trying to do is come out of it like the responsible adult that he ought to be.

“Is that why you want a divorce?!” Meisa asked this morning, her voice raising but quivering all the same, tears in her eyes as she struggled to keep eye contact.

Meisa was very much mature in handling her situation. Despite what she found out, what she witnessed the previous night, there were no threats, no mockery, and no derision. She was upset, but she faced Jin reasonably. And Jin… Jin needs to learn to be like that. And he believes it would be better to break it off with Kame while he’s trying to recuperate from his accident. If it will hurt Kame at all, Jin had no doubt he would be able to recover from it just as well.

Jin doesn’t mean to be harsh, but it’s always been the right thing to do - both he and Kame know that - and making excuses will only delay it.

Finally, Kame notices him by the screen divider, and the producer turns to him with a bright smile - something Jin definitely is not expecting from Kame after going through such an ordeal. Kame is wearing a hospital gown, and he looks much frailer in the sunlight right now.

“Kamenashi-san…”

The manager is at Jin’s side now, too, and he addresses Kame in such a gentle voice as he puts a hand on Jin’s shoulder. They’re not close - they have probably seen each other only a couple of times - so Jin doesn’t understand why his grip is tense and cautious, like he is warning Jin of something unspoken. Kame smiles at his manager next, and that’s even eerier, because Kame never answers with just a smile. He’s a professional. He has to say something. Never just that.

“This is Akanishi Jin, your… friend.”

All of the things Jin was planning to say and do come crumbling down as he watches Kame, never leaving his seat, bow to him as they are introduced. Jin turns to the quiet man beside him, and he explains in a whisper - though Kame himself probably knows, because there is no attempt to hide the short discussion - how Kame’s memory has been damaged by his accident, and that, now, he only remembers people and events up until the time when his career was just starting.

Jin looks at Kame again, and finds the younger man peering at him, perhaps intrigued with who Akanishi Jin is in his life. Needless to say, Kame doesn’t recognize an inch of him, and Jin realizes that it hurts that Kame does not even know him.

“H - hi…” Jin makes an attempt at conversing with this new… or should he say, ‘old’ Kame? He comes nearer until he’s standing in front of the producer’s chair, and he squats and looks up at Kame’s face, speaking with tears in his eyes, “My name is Akanishi Jin.”

He can’t possibly break up with Kame, when Kame doesn’t even remember being in a relationship with him. He can’t leave Kame like this… And he comprehends the fact that, maybe, it works the other way around, too. He can’t live without Kame. He’ll deal with supporting his child somehow, and he won’t abandon Meisa despite their separation. But he will take care of Kame. He needs to take care of Kame, and make him remember about Jin.

“Nice to meet you, Akanishi-san.”

But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face
Well, it burned while I cried ‘cause I heard it screaming out your name

It’s early in the evening, and Jin comes in to a still and silent house. He locks the door behind him and momentarily wonders what they’ll be having for dinner, because sometimes Jin cooks for them, but sometimes his partner likes to experiment, and those cooking attempts actually turn out very good.

Tonight, it appears, Kame is in charge of dinner, too.

Jin smiles as he enters the kitchen. Kame is in front of the stove, peering over a pan, whose contents were simmering, giving off the perfect aroma to remind Jin of how hungry he really is, especially after that hearing he just came out of.

It’s as good as settled, if Jin were to be asked. Two and a half weeks after Kame’s accident, Jin’s marriage is almost over, and Meisa had agreed to Jin’s offer with supporting the child, as well as his proposal regarding visitation rights. At the moment, there’s a lie low with respect to projects and his career, but Jin can’t be more grateful to have a lot of free time right now, so he can stay by Kame’s side.

“Welcome home!”

Kame smiles at him as he approaches, and it’s something Jin needs to get used to, because Kame’s never one to chirp a welcoming greeting to anyone, least of all Jin. Hell, Jin isn’t even used to calling his boyfriend ‘Kazuya.’

“Are we really just friends?” Kame asked, and it caught Jin off guard, because all this time he had been dying to tell Kame what they really were.

Jin set down the notebook he was writing in and approached Kame’s hospital bed, sitting at the edge right beside the producer.

“Why do you ask that?” Jin inquired, truly, masochistically curious of how much Kame had forgotten.

“Because… we seem so much more than that. You stay here for days on end, sometimes even spending the night. You sit beside my bed and work, you’re quiet but I see your eyes follow my every move. You nag me into taking my medicine, and are overly worried about me,” Kame explained, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Indeed, from his point of view, everything must be so weird and foreign. “You’re either an exaggeratedly protective brother from a different father, or you secretly like me,” he added, laughing.

“And if it’s the latter?” Jin pressed some more, his face an inch away from Kame’s.

“Then, I don’t want you calling me ‘Kame.’”

Jin blinked.

“What?”

“If we’re more than friends, then I should probably stop calling you ‘Akanishi-san,’ and you should call me ‘Kazuya,’ too,” Kame made it clear without a trace of bashfulness on his face, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“O - okay then… Kazuya.”

From what Jin had heard, Kame indeed was this innocent, straightforward boy when he was just starting out. Perhaps, time and experience really did change people…

“What’s for dinner?” Jin asks, standing behind Kame and his arms instantly snaking their way around the smaller man’s waist.

He hears Kame mumble something, but it dies prematurely in his throat as Jin presses his lips on the side of Kame’s neck, gliding smoothly and meekly. Kame’s hands clutch at Jin’s wrists, his grip loosening and tightening depending on where Jin’s lips travel to along his neck and the skin exposed from the collar of his shirt.

“Mmm… Jin…” he says languorously, and it makes Jin jerk his hips forward, his slowly hardening member touching Kame’s behind. It makes Jin’s hands crawl down to Kame’s crotch, rubbing slowly but pressing hard, because those sounds Kame had just made are something Jin hasn’t heard in a while, echoes of what Kame really is… what Kame was.

Jin massages the growing bulge in Kame’s pants, and Kame throws his head back against Jin’s shoulders, and the taller man catches his lips in a fierce and hungry kiss, and Jin is aware of the absurdity of it all.

“Kazuya,” Jin murmurs against Kame’s teeth, and Kame answers with a long sigh as Jin presses at his clothed shaft. “Kazuya,” Jin whispers once more, this time against his neck. Kame’s hands reach up and his fingers tangle themselves in Jin’s dark locks, but somehow, Jin knows Kame is reluctant to give him full control of his body.

“Kame…” Jin finds himself moaning out, and he knows exactly why.

Remember me… Jin slips his hands inside Kame’s pants and underwear, impatiently stroking the smaller man’s member, while his other hand slips between them to press up into Kame’s hole. Remember me, please…

His move gives Kame a jolt, causing the smaller man to quickly extricate himself from their awkward stance and take a couple of steps away from Jin. After confirming to Kame that they are indeed more than just friends, Kame had been nice enough to entertain Jin’s advances, though Jin could always sense the hesitation, like he was agreeing to kiss Jin and be touched here and there out of courtesy to his partner. They’ve never gone where Jin had thoughtlessly attempted to go tonight.

“I - I’m sorry…” Jin immediately apologized, keeping his hands to himself and his eyes on the floor.

It’s just stupid, how he’s never sure of how to treat Kame, and sometimes it feels like he’s taking advantage of the situation, because Kame is helpless and vulnerable and had been willing to trust right away. Kame might have wronged him so many times before, but Kame doesn’t deserve to lose his memories and get his life turned upside down.

“It’s okay,” Kame replies, a half smile on his lips as he pants. He doesn’t come nearer, though. “I’m sorry, too…”

“No,” Jin says firmly, closing the distance between them and placing his hands on Kame’s lean shoulders. “Don’t ever apologize. I’m sorry I overstepped my boundaries just now. I want you to know that you… you can always do that. You can always call me out when you feel it’s not right.”

Kame looks up at him appreciatively, and Jin makes a sad sort of smile, his voice coming out as comforting when he speaks.

“You call the shots here. We’ll take it step by step until you get better. I’m here to take care of you, so you don’t have to say sorry to me.”

Kame then presses up against him and pulls him close, hugging him, and Jin could almost feel all of Kame’s anxieties at bay. Kame’s hold around him gets even tighter, and Jin knows it’s a manifestation of Kame willing himself to trust the older man.

Jin wishes he could make Kame not go through this, also to keep himself from feeling pathetic and sorry for himself, too. Right now, his impulses tell him that things would be better off if Kame were just the way he really is - cold, calculating, and insatiable.

I set fire to the rain, and I threw us into the flames
Where I felt something die ‘cause I knew that that was the last time

It’s 3 AM, and Kame gets out of bed quietly, surreptitiously, careful not to wake up Jin who is sleeping beside him. He goes to the kitchen for a glass of water - because it was truthfully the thirst that woke him up - but, coming out of the kitchen, he doesn’t go back to bed. Instead, he goes to his small library, which Jin has made into something like his office since moving in with Kame. Kame doesn’t work much, anyway, as it’s been just three months since his accident.

Kame turns on Jin’s laptop from the ‘hibernate’ mode and goes online, setting the computer on his lap - never minding how his white shirt hitches up to his stomach as he slouches on the reading couch. He’s wearing nothing underneath, as the night - which began with innocent sweet touches and amorous looks - transpired with several rounds and various positions, which is also probably why Kame felt a bit parched at near-dawn. Kame browses the current events, and then makes a search for the stuff he wants to read about in the first place.

‘There seems to be less and less projects lined up for singer-songwriter Akanishi Jin (27), three months after his main producer, Kamenashi Kazuya (26), disappeared from the music scene after a near-fatal car crash that erased considerable amounts of the celebrity’s memories. Unless his management takes some drastic measures - or Kamenashi makes a miracle recovery - Akanishi’s career might just dwindle and fail altogether.’

Kame grimaces at the news, his perfectly shaped eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance. They’re being too hard on Jin, he thinks. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. He can’t afford to get too emotional about things, not when he’s playing this part, and it’s supposed to be a secret. He reads up on Meisa next, and he doesn’t know if he should laugh or be annoyed that Meisa is ‘not at her boyfriend’s side when he needs her the most.’

It is an article about his own supposed recovery and the accident itself, though, that makes Kame chuckle, almost makes him laugh out loud and risk being found out by his own clueless boyfriend.

‘… Recent developments in the investigation suggest that the car crash might have been caused by a malfunction in steering and/or suspension.’

Kame wants to type out a comment on the article so badly, because that’s totally not what happened. His car was perfectly fine that night. Hell, it was just a couple of weeks old back then, and Kame was actually a bit tipsy on his way to meet with his friends. He was changing CDs on the freeway, too. He had wanted to upgrade his car sound system to avoid that, really. But it happened anyway. And here he is, giggling at another failure of an investigative news report by the press.

Kame suits himself with smiling, smirking, and he decides to turn the laptop off. Tomorrow, Kame will work on acting inspired to write a song, so he can give Jin a new project which the soloist can offer to the other producers. If it’s Kame’s idea, everyone will agree to it. It’s always been that way.

He comes back into the bedroom and climbs into bed. Jin, who in Kame’s short absence has managed to mess up and occupy the entirety of the bed, sleepily makes room for the on-indefinite-leave producer, leaving his arm splayed for Kame to put his head on. Kame lay down gently, cuddling into Jin’s sleeping - but always welcoming - form.

Let it burn

~end~

oOo

For the final installment in what turned out to be a sick and distressing trilogy, I used Set Fire to the Rain by Adele. This was actually not the song I was planning to use, but I changed it at the last moment because it suits the entire thing so nicely, I think.

And with this third one-shot - second sequel (lol) - I guess I can safely say ‘That’s it,’ for this universe. I really enjoyed working on this twisted story, but as I finished it I found myself daydreaming of different plots day to day, and I hope I can write something maybe more intense, less evil, and as much if not more loved by you wonderful people. I also need to get a move on with this new multi-chapter I’m brewing. Also, a crack/smut one-shot and a mini-series coming soon. Hohoho.

Comments make me feel loved. I’m needy like that.

Back to Part 1.

Also read the following stories in the same AU:

THE GAMES WE PLAY (NC-17) - original one-shot

DIRTY TACTICS (NC-17) - first sequel

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