please ( Read more... )

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

i don't know how long i can listen to the deep pitch of the magnetic fields before my brain starts to atrophy.

i couldn't sleep last night.

i'm drunk and estranged from myself. i don't know who i am or where i am and being drunk is kind of nice because it abates my identity crisis, albeit briefly. home isn't home, and here isn't home, and love is a biochemical reaction that i'm never going to have. feed me effexor and diet pills, like, now.

zach deemed today "Bad Relationship Day."

maybe it's a full moon or something.

i can function. i can manage, to an extent. i can even look forward to things, like seeing City of God in Pasadena, and starting some new paintings. but inwardly, i keep hearing little zach-like grunts and moans, reminding me that i'm just a little bit worn, a little bit stale, a little bit tired of me.

potent green liquids will make you do and say things you'll regret.

(the title of this is something left by whoever used this computer before i did. friendster introductions, i'm sure of it ( Read more... )

6:44 AM. i am not going to school today. i am sick all of a sudden, yes, but that is not the reason i am staying home. i am staying home so that i can, at any time from 8:30 to 10:00, be picked up by my dad or uncle and taken to work at a boutique for (drum roll, please) THE WHITTIER CULTURAL ARTS FOUNDATION ANNUAL CHRISTMAS HOME TOUR ( Read more... )

i wrote a long entry the day i returned from redding, and even transcribed from my paper diary a la adam smith, but emily's blues clues mousepad slipped and deleted it. i'd re-do it, but i was discouraged and now it's untimely, so i'll gloss over most of it. suffice it to say, my family is insane. alcoholic. repressed. angry. resentful. guilt- ( Read more... )