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Hero Take Me Home
You make me lose sight,
Of the reality I'm seeking.
Thank god you can't see me,
Because my knees are weakening.
You're a different kind of addiction,
And a dangerous game to play,
Because I feel I'm sinking,
In a very shameful way.
You were my hero,
And I your biggest regret,
Words you didn't need to speak,
Among memories I can't forget.
I was your awful ( Read more... ) -
Gone too soon
Physically exhausted and all sorts of stiff and swollen, and no not in a naughty way. Pushing 48hrs no sleep. Alyssa and Sam lost someone this morning, the first death for them that hit close to home. And I do mean first, because sadly its inevitable that it won't be the last. Seeing that pain in them is awful and I can't, won't tell them it's ( Read more... ) -
Out of love
This is so hard. I feel like an emotional storm is brewing, I've kept them safe and tucked away a long time, but it's all just built up a sort of atmospheric pressure. I am not in love with James anymore, and I think, know, he can sense it, and after our talk he's trying to hold onto me even tighter, almost desperately. I feel relieved, a sense of ( Read more... ) -
Feeling guilty...sort of
Spent most of the night talking to him. He posted a song for me, good to hear his voice, and that guitar. I want him though. And I'm going to bed with another man, he's already back up and playing Halo and yelling disgusting insults. Yes I feel guilty, does it feel wrong? No. Will we ever be together? Probably not. I need him though, some part of ( Read more... ) -
Chris Cody...lol
And who writes me tonight? Chris, blast from the past. I lied I did cheat. Once. He tried to get in my pants for months, even bringing flowers to my work. Handsome as hell, 6'5", blonde hair to his ears, brown eyes, the guy all the other girls wanted. I got tricked into it, he whisked me a way to the nicest hotel in the area, and produced the ( Read more... ) -
And back to the future
Reading this stuff, is hard and it makes me realize how much there is I really don't remember. How many pieces are missing. We talked last night, until I fell asleep just before sunrise. I know these are feelings I have to feel, what choice is there really, they are just lurking under the surface, those dark things, behind my magic curtain. I'm ( Read more... ) -
Traveling back in time again, unedited
Sunday, November 9 2003 ( Read more... ) -
I'm a naughty nasty cheater
Not really. But given the opportunity? Tall dark and handsome, charming and aloof? Yeah, I'd probably go for it. I'm deeply craving, wanting to be wanted, noticed, desired. And I want to be myself. I want the kind of happiness I grew to believe, was only make-believe. Life isn't a fairy-tale and I've gotten used to that, but nothing truly horrific ( Read more... ) -
drunk, still
Ugh. Yep still drunk, dont fuckin judge me. Besides its the opiates I have a problem with. We're not talking about that though. James is a spolied shit. I'm in love with Ian because I need a distraction, I need a god danm excuse, and sadly he was the last inresting thing to happen to me--thats honesty right there, and thats sad. More reasons to ( Read more... )
