I want him to say...but he won't. He's already labeled us...doomed us because of our circumstances. He's being realistic. That's a bit too realistic for me. I want him to hope even though all the odds are against us. No one has told me...who wasn't legally required to. I've dreamed of it. I feel so close to it. Closer than I've ever been. It's just ( Read more... )

Just tryin' to keep my heart in my chest. This feeling is a little unexpected but I feel like I'm living in hell, but I'm trying...that's all I can say...is that I'm trying not to be this way. It's hard though. It took everything in me not to break into a million pieces...I really did feel like shattering...to combust to make myself feel better. ( Read more... )

Come home boyfriend and tell me you think I look pretty. Hey..give me a break! I was swimsuit shopping today...I need reassurance here. You'd be wanting the same thing, haha. 9 more days and counting! Okay, I've said my peace.

Things are good. I'm fighting my every insecure or lonely (in other words...my normal)impulses right now. I don't want to mess this up. Just breathe. Okay, I've said my peace.

I felt at ease. It was a comfort really. Here I was...breaking down and with one look this person wanted to put me back to together. Or so it seems. I don't know if I believe it. That is why I asked a second time. Because I didn't believe it. I'm not sure I do now either. Was it real? I feel as if I spoke of my happiness too soon. Maybe..maybe not ( Read more... )

The whole world stands while I break down. I do it to myself really. Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the night is holding my memories close to my heart. Anything to feel closer to something stronger than myself. I look at his face behind the glass and suddenly everything slows down and I feel normal again. I had a dream last night ( Read more... )

single minded to the point of recklessness....

Hope.

It's strong.

Real or otherwise.

I have a lot of it.

Sometimes I feel lucky.

Other times I just feel damn ridiculous.

Okay, I've said my peace.

I'm drowning in the uncertainty of it all...the what ifs. Unfortunately even with all the support and all the "I think you'll be just fines..." I'm still an anxious, worrying mess. I still feel like my opportunity is slipping from my hands. I feel like I'm withering away. I'm just not strong enough yet. And no one can help me but myself. Scary ( Read more... )

So I have that crawling feeling again...like I'm trying to crawl my way back to that point...for dear life I'm trying and it's making me feel nauseated. It's that paniky feeling like I'm trying to get back to the point that is certain and yet everything is pushing towards uncertainty. I can't help it. As much as I try I still count the years. This ( Read more... )