Smobat 9 - Babel Babble
Woooooooow I haven't posted any Smobat since March! |D
--
[Inside WAYNE MANOR. SMOKER lying on the sofa. TASHIGI enters with ACE.]
TASHIGI: Sir, Ace is here visiting! I’ll give you guys some privacy. [Bows. Exits. Crashing sounds.]
ACE: [Sits in an armchair] … whoa, you don’t look so good.
SMOKER: [Glare Glare Glare] Of course not, you twit.
ACE: Hey!
SMOKER: You are a twit! You left me - alone - with your brother. Twit.
ACE: (Guilty) I’m really sorry, man! Marco really freaked me out. I shouldn’t have ditched you though. [Stares contemplatively at SMOKER] Golly, Luffy’s got a great set of chompers. Lookit those freaky bite ma -
SMOKER: [Growl] Shut your face, Portgas.
ACE: [Grin] How ‘bout you shut it for me?
[SMOKER throws cushion at ACE]
ACE: Oi! I was just kidding! Buuuut… I left Luffy with Ms. Robin, so he won’t be trying to eat you again during his two-week meat-ban.
SMOKER: Good. [Grumble]
ACE: Those look kind of painful. [Pokes SMOKER’s neck]
SMOKER: Ow! [Glare Glare Glare]
ACE: Sorry. Just wanted to assess the damage.
SMOKER: I had to get bloody stitches. You and your brother are insane. And your grandfather is insane too.
ACE: [Wince] Umm… yeah, it’d also be a good idea if you stayed away from Garp for the next while…
SMOKER: You mean moreso than usual?
ACE: Yeah. Well, because he’s still a little touchy about the ‘incident’. [Cough] Okay, more than just a little touchy, since he nearly killed me yesterday by throwing a bowling ball at me, but just stay away from him.
SMOKER: As long as he doesn’t come here, I’ll be fine. I still can’t really move.
ACE: Oh… huh, Robin sure is sneaky… [Pause] Wait, if you can’t move, how did you throw a cushion at me?
SMOKER: Magic.
ACE: Ohh… cool! That’s really nifty!
SMOKER: Hey, you know what else is nifty?
ACE: (Excited) What? What?
SMOKER: You’re an idiot!
ACE: Nifty! [Pause] Hey! That’s mean!
SMOKER: Get out.
ACE: Oh fine.
--
[Inside SMOKER’s BEDROOM. TASHIGI enters and begins talking with SMOKER.]
TASHIGI: Sir, here are some pain killers! [Gives SMOKER a bottle.]
SMOKER: Huh. Well, okay. I’ll take some a bit later. You’re dismissed.
[TASHIGI makes an epic exit.]
--
[ROOFTOP of MYSTERIOUS BUILDING. GARP muttering darkly. Teapot-Signal lit.]
GARP: (Mutter) Those no-good scoundrel grandsons… especially that traitor, Ace…!
[BATMAN hobbles onto the roof.]
GARP: But soon I will have my revenge! Gwahahaha!
BATMAN: Sir, you’re on the side of Justice. Friendly reminder.
GARP: (Annoyed) Oh, @#$% Justice!
BATMAN: (Appalled) Oh no you di’int! [Snaps fingers obnoxiously]
[Silence]
BATMAN: Sorry, I’m on medication right now. [Coughs uncomfortably]
GARP: Oh, okay! Gwahahaha!
BATMAN: So, what now, sexy? [Pause] MEDICATION.
GARP: Right… Well, there’s another guy popping up around town.
BATMAN: Nifty!
GARP: [Ignores disturbing side-effects of ‘medication’] The men down at the precinct have dubbed him Two-Face, just so you know.
BATMAN: Golly, what a superlative nickname! What’s this ickle bugger done? [Smile]
GARP: Uh, in my humble opinion, you should lay off that ‘medication’ of yours…
BATMAN: That idea sounds dandy! [Throws pill bottle off building]
GARP: Moving on, this Two-Face fellow hasn’t really done anything too bad…
BATMAN: Alors, quel est la problème, monsieur?
GARP: Stop using weird foreign words!
BATMAN: (français) OBJECTION!
GARP: I said stop!
BATMAN: (English) OBJECTION!
GARP: Good batty, good batty! [Clears throat] Two-Face has mainly been sending strange notes to people.
BATMAN: That’s what she said!
GARP: Sir!
BATMAN: 對不起。
GARP: (Mutter) Crazy pharmacists… (Louder) Anyways, here’s an example of one of them, sent to me. [Gives BATMAN a mysterious note.]
BATMAN: (Reading out loud) “Dear Garp, you suck.” [Pause] That’s harsh. Anyways… “You are extremely scary and… you like tea too much for your own good. This is why you…” Uh… [Cough] “This is why you don’t get laid. That being said… have a penny?!” What the @#$%?! (Rant) Why do I have to deal with so many psychos? First I have to cope with your nutcase family, and Tashigi’s clumsiness, and then Joker’s antics, and I’m getting fed up with these things, spécialement Portgas et son comportement bizarre! Et Luffy! Il m’a mordu! Toutes les personnes dans sa famille sont folles, monsieur Garp! C’est ridicule!
GARP: I have no idea what you just said.
BATMAN: I don’t either.
GARP: Do you think you’ll be able to find this weirdo?
BATMAN: Ayup, ayup. ARGH! [Slaps himself] Anyways, those smiley faces in his signature look vaguely familiar…
GARP: Sure. Well, good luck!
BATMAN: Dziękuję pani! Do widzenia! [Jumps off building.]
GARP: Uh…
BATMAN: Ow. (Distant) Note to self… when unable to function properly due to mysterious drugs, use the stairs.
GARP: (Shout) Or an elevator! Gwahahaha!
--
[Abandoned WAREHOUSE. Dark ominous atmosphere.]
GOLDFISH: Enter.
[PIGEON enters.]
GOLDFISH: Your name.
PIGEON: Inigo Montoya, or Hattori for short.
GOLDFISH: Why are you here?
PIGEON: For vengeance, master! [Coos angrily]
GOLDFISH: Good answer. [Cackles evilly]
--
[Inside ICEBURG’S OFFICE]
ICEBURG: [Shudder] Nmaa…
FRANKY: What happened, Bakaburg? Too cold?
ICEBURG: No… I just had a weird feeling… like somebody’s trying to kill me… again.
FRANKY: SUPER!
--
[At WHITEBEARD’S fastfood restaurant.]
ACE: (To customer) Here you go, ma’am! One Striker Salad to go!
CUSTOMER: Thank you! [Exit]
ACE: [Sigh] Man, I hate this job…
BB: Ah dew naht mahnd tahken aht frahm yew…
ACE: Pardon?
BB: Nehvah mahnd… ZEHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MARCO: [Bursts out of the fridge and tackles ACE] Aaaaaaaace!
ACE: [Groan] Yes, Marco?
MARCO: [Blink] I don’t know. [Giggles]
ACE: Good for you. (Yell) Oi, Jozu! Can you watch Mar - uh, the cash register for me? I need to pee.
MARCO: Can I come too?
ACE: Uhh… no. Stay here.
MARCO: [Wail] BUT I’LL BE LONELY! [Grabs ACE’s leg]
ACE: I have to pee! Let go, dude! Please! [Shakes leg in vain]
MARCO: Whyyyyy?! [Cries]
ACE: I need to pee! Oh screw this. [Runs to BATHROM with MARCO still attached.] (Through door) Ahhh… Wait, what are you doing?! Get away! AHH!
[JOZU and BB stare at the door. ACE screaming. MARCO giggles suspiciously. Lots of banging noises.]
BB: [Blinks] Ah… dahz ez kahnd ahf ahwkwerd…
ACE: (Through door) Marcoooo! GET OFF!
JOZU: Let’s just pretend we didn’t hear anything.
BB: Gudd ahdeyah.
--
[WAYNE MANOR. ACE enters SMOKER’S BEDROOM.]
ACE: (Tired) Hey, Smok - egad! [Jaw drops] What happened to you?!
SMOKER: [Blink] I should be asking you that!
ACE: You first, please. [Flops onto foot of bed. Groans.]
SMOKER: I jumped off a building. Again.
ACE: That’s not healthy, man… Hey, your bed’s pretty comfy.
SMOKER: Portgas, get off.
ACE: Noooo…
SMOKER: Portgas, fiche-moi la paix!
ACE: Wait, what ?
SMOKER: Medication. It makes me woohahahaooohooo! [Nods sagely]
ACE: (Afraid) Right…
SMOKER: [Sigh] So, what happened to you? [Drinks water]
ACE: [Blush] Uh, Marco assaulted me in the bathroom.
SMOKER: [Choke] What?!
ACE: [Pause] NO NO NO NOT THAT WAY. By ‘assaulted’, I mean ‘attacked’, as in he tried to tie me up with toilet paper so that - actually, I’m not sure why. Why would he tie me up?
[SMOKER spits water.]
ACE: Huh. Weird. But it was very difficult dodging him in that teeny little bathroom without my pants on properly.
SMOKER: [Spits out more water] Portgas, too much info. Really.
ACE: (Ramble) I kept running into things. That’s why I’ve got bruises everywhere. Did I mention your bed is comfy? [Sighs in contentment]
SMOKER: Yes, and I also told you to get off! [Glare Glare Glare]
ACE: Don’t make meeeeeee…
SMOKER: Get your deliciously sexy behind off my mattress, Acey-poo!
ACE: … I’m scared. [Whimper]
SMOKER: Sorry. Medication. [Eye twitches] Why do you keep bothering me, anyways?
ACE: Because I’m a loser with no friends. [Pause] Well, that’s not entirely accurate… but my friends are a giant that collects spatulas for fun, a weird magical-girl-wannabe with an incomprehensible accent who is obsessed with darkness, and a certain somebody that recently ‘assaulted’ me in a public washroom because I am allegedly his magical yumyum cake. [Wibble]
SMOKER: Portgas?
ACE: Yes?
SMOKER: Your life sucks as much as mine does.
ACE: Tell me about it. [Pause] Does this mean I get to stay on your comfy bed?
SMOKER: Einspruch!
--
Pardon me while I burst into flames for any grammatical errors in other languages. I can't even speak English properly! :D
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--
[Inside WAYNE MANOR. SMOKER lying on the sofa. TASHIGI enters with ACE.]
TASHIGI: Sir, Ace is here visiting! I’ll give you guys some privacy. [Bows. Exits. Crashing sounds.]
ACE: [Sits in an armchair] … whoa, you don’t look so good.
SMOKER: [Glare Glare Glare] Of course not, you twit.
ACE: Hey!
SMOKER: You are a twit! You left me - alone - with your brother. Twit.
ACE: (Guilty) I’m really sorry, man! Marco really freaked me out. I shouldn’t have ditched you though. [Stares contemplatively at SMOKER] Golly, Luffy’s got a great set of chompers. Lookit those freaky bite ma -
SMOKER: [Growl] Shut your face, Portgas.
ACE: [Grin] How ‘bout you shut it for me?
[SMOKER throws cushion at ACE]
ACE: Oi! I was just kidding! Buuuut… I left Luffy with Ms. Robin, so he won’t be trying to eat you again during his two-week meat-ban.
SMOKER: Good. [Grumble]
ACE: Those look kind of painful. [Pokes SMOKER’s neck]
SMOKER: Ow! [Glare Glare Glare]
ACE: Sorry. Just wanted to assess the damage.
SMOKER: I had to get bloody stitches. You and your brother are insane. And your grandfather is insane too.
ACE: [Wince] Umm… yeah, it’d also be a good idea if you stayed away from Garp for the next while…
SMOKER: You mean moreso than usual?
ACE: Yeah. Well, because he’s still a little touchy about the ‘incident’. [Cough] Okay, more than just a little touchy, since he nearly killed me yesterday by throwing a bowling ball at me, but just stay away from him.
SMOKER: As long as he doesn’t come here, I’ll be fine. I still can’t really move.
ACE: Oh… huh, Robin sure is sneaky… [Pause] Wait, if you can’t move, how did you throw a cushion at me?
SMOKER: Magic.
ACE: Ohh… cool! That’s really nifty!
SMOKER: Hey, you know what else is nifty?
ACE: (Excited) What? What?
SMOKER: You’re an idiot!
ACE: Nifty! [Pause] Hey! That’s mean!
SMOKER: Get out.
ACE: Oh fine.
--
[Inside SMOKER’s BEDROOM. TASHIGI enters and begins talking with SMOKER.]
TASHIGI: Sir, here are some pain killers! [Gives SMOKER a bottle.]
SMOKER: Huh. Well, okay. I’ll take some a bit later. You’re dismissed.
[TASHIGI makes an epic exit.]
--
[ROOFTOP of MYSTERIOUS BUILDING. GARP muttering darkly. Teapot-Signal lit.]
GARP: (Mutter) Those no-good scoundrel grandsons… especially that traitor, Ace…!
[BATMAN hobbles onto the roof.]
GARP: But soon I will have my revenge! Gwahahaha!
BATMAN: Sir, you’re on the side of Justice. Friendly reminder.
GARP: (Annoyed) Oh, @#$% Justice!
BATMAN: (Appalled) Oh no you di’int! [Snaps fingers obnoxiously]
[Silence]
BATMAN: Sorry, I’m on medication right now. [Coughs uncomfortably]
GARP: Oh, okay! Gwahahaha!
BATMAN: So, what now, sexy? [Pause] MEDICATION.
GARP: Right… Well, there’s another guy popping up around town.
BATMAN: Nifty!
GARP: [Ignores disturbing side-effects of ‘medication’] The men down at the precinct have dubbed him Two-Face, just so you know.
BATMAN: Golly, what a superlative nickname! What’s this ickle bugger done? [Smile]
GARP: Uh, in my humble opinion, you should lay off that ‘medication’ of yours…
BATMAN: That idea sounds dandy! [Throws pill bottle off building]
GARP: Moving on, this Two-Face fellow hasn’t really done anything too bad…
BATMAN: Alors, quel est la problème, monsieur?
GARP: Stop using weird foreign words!
BATMAN: (français) OBJECTION!
GARP: I said stop!
BATMAN: (English) OBJECTION!
GARP: Good batty, good batty! [Clears throat] Two-Face has mainly been sending strange notes to people.
BATMAN: That’s what she said!
GARP: Sir!
BATMAN: 對不起。
GARP: (Mutter) Crazy pharmacists… (Louder) Anyways, here’s an example of one of them, sent to me. [Gives BATMAN a mysterious note.]
BATMAN: (Reading out loud) “Dear Garp, you suck.” [Pause] That’s harsh. Anyways… “You are extremely scary and… you like tea too much for your own good. This is why you…” Uh… [Cough] “This is why you don’t get laid. That being said… have a penny?!” What the @#$%?! (Rant) Why do I have to deal with so many psychos? First I have to cope with your nutcase family, and Tashigi’s clumsiness, and then Joker’s antics, and I’m getting fed up with these things, spécialement Portgas et son comportement bizarre! Et Luffy! Il m’a mordu! Toutes les personnes dans sa famille sont folles, monsieur Garp! C’est ridicule!
GARP: I have no idea what you just said.
BATMAN: I don’t either.
GARP: Do you think you’ll be able to find this weirdo?
BATMAN: Ayup, ayup. ARGH! [Slaps himself] Anyways, those smiley faces in his signature look vaguely familiar…
GARP: Sure. Well, good luck!
BATMAN: Dziękuję pani! Do widzenia! [Jumps off building.]
GARP: Uh…
BATMAN: Ow. (Distant) Note to self… when unable to function properly due to mysterious drugs, use the stairs.
GARP: (Shout) Or an elevator! Gwahahaha!
--
[Abandoned WAREHOUSE. Dark ominous atmosphere.]
GOLDFISH: Enter.
[PIGEON enters.]
GOLDFISH: Your name.
PIGEON: Inigo Montoya, or Hattori for short.
GOLDFISH: Why are you here?
PIGEON: For vengeance, master! [Coos angrily]
GOLDFISH: Good answer. [Cackles evilly]
--
[Inside ICEBURG’S OFFICE]
ICEBURG: [Shudder] Nmaa…
FRANKY: What happened, Bakaburg? Too cold?
ICEBURG: No… I just had a weird feeling… like somebody’s trying to kill me… again.
FRANKY: SUPER!
--
[At WHITEBEARD’S fastfood restaurant.]
ACE: (To customer) Here you go, ma’am! One Striker Salad to go!
CUSTOMER: Thank you! [Exit]
ACE: [Sigh] Man, I hate this job…
BB: Ah dew naht mahnd tahken aht frahm yew…
ACE: Pardon?
BB: Nehvah mahnd… ZEHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MARCO: [Bursts out of the fridge and tackles ACE] Aaaaaaaace!
ACE: [Groan] Yes, Marco?
MARCO: [Blink] I don’t know. [Giggles]
ACE: Good for you. (Yell) Oi, Jozu! Can you watch Mar - uh, the cash register for me? I need to pee.
MARCO: Can I come too?
ACE: Uhh… no. Stay here.
MARCO: [Wail] BUT I’LL BE LONELY! [Grabs ACE’s leg]
ACE: I have to pee! Let go, dude! Please! [Shakes leg in vain]
MARCO: Whyyyyy?! [Cries]
ACE: I need to pee! Oh screw this. [Runs to BATHROM with MARCO still attached.] (Through door) Ahhh… Wait, what are you doing?! Get away! AHH!
[JOZU and BB stare at the door. ACE screaming. MARCO giggles suspiciously. Lots of banging noises.]
BB: [Blinks] Ah… dahz ez kahnd ahf ahwkwerd…
ACE: (Through door) Marcoooo! GET OFF!
JOZU: Let’s just pretend we didn’t hear anything.
BB: Gudd ahdeyah.
--
[WAYNE MANOR. ACE enters SMOKER’S BEDROOM.]
ACE: (Tired) Hey, Smok - egad! [Jaw drops] What happened to you?!
SMOKER: [Blink] I should be asking you that!
ACE: You first, please. [Flops onto foot of bed. Groans.]
SMOKER: I jumped off a building. Again.
ACE: That’s not healthy, man… Hey, your bed’s pretty comfy.
SMOKER: Portgas, get off.
ACE: Noooo…
SMOKER: Portgas, fiche-moi la paix!
ACE: Wait, what ?
SMOKER: Medication. It makes me woohahahaooohooo! [Nods sagely]
ACE: (Afraid) Right…
SMOKER: [Sigh] So, what happened to you? [Drinks water]
ACE: [Blush] Uh, Marco assaulted me in the bathroom.
SMOKER: [Choke] What?!
ACE: [Pause] NO NO NO NOT THAT WAY. By ‘assaulted’, I mean ‘attacked’, as in he tried to tie me up with toilet paper so that - actually, I’m not sure why. Why would he tie me up?
[SMOKER spits water.]
ACE: Huh. Weird. But it was very difficult dodging him in that teeny little bathroom without my pants on properly.
SMOKER: [Spits out more water] Portgas, too much info. Really.
ACE: (Ramble) I kept running into things. That’s why I’ve got bruises everywhere. Did I mention your bed is comfy? [Sighs in contentment]
SMOKER: Yes, and I also told you to get off! [Glare Glare Glare]
ACE: Don’t make meeeeeee…
SMOKER: Get your deliciously sexy behind off my mattress, Acey-poo!
ACE: … I’m scared. [Whimper]
SMOKER: Sorry. Medication. [Eye twitches] Why do you keep bothering me, anyways?
ACE: Because I’m a loser with no friends. [Pause] Well, that’s not entirely accurate… but my friends are a giant that collects spatulas for fun, a weird magical-girl-wannabe with an incomprehensible accent who is obsessed with darkness, and a certain somebody that recently ‘assaulted’ me in a public washroom because I am allegedly his magical yumyum cake. [Wibble]
SMOKER: Portgas?
ACE: Yes?
SMOKER: Your life sucks as much as mine does.
ACE: Tell me about it. [Pause] Does this mean I get to stay on your comfy bed?
SMOKER: Einspruch!
--
Pardon me while I burst into flames for any grammatical errors in other languages. I can't even speak English properly! :D
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