Smobat 8 - Magical Yumyum Cake
I... am dead tired. Urrrgh... hopefully I won't make anybody snort rootbeer this time.
Beware of uber long blobs of text.
--
[Inside ACE’S BEDROOM. ACE on bed, asleep. Clock says “4:16 am”. Cellphone rings.]
ACE: [Wakes up] NOT THE APRON! [Blink] Oh… who’d call this early… except… [Answers phone] (Apprehensively) Hello…?
MARCO: (From phone) AAAAAAAAACE. [Cries]
ACE: W-what? Marco? What’s wrong now?!
[MARCO wails incomprehensively.]
ACE: [Groan] Dude, this is the ninth time this week…
MARCO: (Sobbing) I'm sorry Ace I didn’t mean to bother you but I really really couldn’t sleep because I just can’t I just can’t sleep so I called you which is bothersome and I didn’t mean to be a bother I’m really sorry but I couldn’t sleep so I called and bothered you -
ACE: [Blinking sleepily] (Tired) Marco, I have no idea what the heck you’re saying…
MARCO: (Still going) - because Teach took my teddy bear and you know how I just can’t fall asleep without my precious teddy bear I just can’t you know yeah you know I know you know so you know I can’t sleep because Teach took my teddy bear which I use for sleeping which I don’t have now so I can’t sleep so now I called you and you know -
ACE: [Yawn] Shut up please…
MARCO: (Still going) - such a freaky dude with all his weird laughter and always talking about darknes instead of happy things like ballet and magical yumyum cakes and my precious teddy bear which I can’t sleep without and you know that I know you know about my teddy bear and -
[ACE hangs up and falls back asleep. Cellphone rings a minute later. ACE wakes up and answers.]
MARCO: (Still going) - sorry I’m being such a bother about Teach and my teddy bear and how I can’t sleep because Teach took my teddy bear but why did you hang up on me why are you angry why can’t you just listen it’s not that hard you know and I know you know that it’s not hard and also that I know you know I know you know I know you know about my teddy which I need to sleep with because you know I can’t sleep without my -
ACE: (Tense) Marco. Marco? Marco! You need to breathe.
MARCO: (Still going) - thought you loved me too because you were always so nice to me okay well not really but still I loved you back um not back since now you’re saying you never loved me in the first place whatever I totally loved you and also my teddy which I need in order to sleep -
[ACE screams into his pillow.]
MARCO: (Still going) - now you’re yelling at me if I had known you hated me I wouldn’t have had to shed so many tears over all the times you yelled at me like now you know but now I know you hate me which hurts but it doesn’t hurt as much if you yelled in love or like Teach taking my -
ACE: (Angry) MARCO SHUT UP I NEED TO SLEEP. I’m serious!
MARCO: (Still going) - but you know I don’t know why you hate me Ace because I really did love you you know I still love you so why do you hate me Ace why don’t you love me Ace why -
[ACE throws cellphone out window. Somebody screams in pain. ACE, surprised, gets out of bed to investigate. Opens the door to balcony.]
MARCO: [Clutching eye] (Still going) - and ACE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?! [Wails loudly]
ACE: (Shocked) You were outside on the freaking balcony the entire time?!
MARCO: I c-couldn’t sleep you know because Teach took -
ACE: [Shoves convenient potted plant into MARCO’s mouth to shut him up.] Okay. Tell you what… [Breathes deeply] You can use me as a teddy bear, just for tonight if you stop calling me. [Sees MARCO about to ramble again.] LIMITED TIME OFFER.
MARCO: [Eats pot] HURRAY! [Latches onto ACE.]
ACE: Urgh… [Drags MARCO back to bed.]
MARCO: (Cheerful) Aww thanks Ace you’re such a pal and I still love you even after you threw your phone into my eye and -
[ACE gags MARCO and tries to sleep.]
--
[Inside abandoned WAREHOUSE. GOLDFISH and MOP seated at table dimly illuminated by a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Playing cards.]
MOP: … go fish.
GOLDFISH: Mutiny!
--
[Inside ACE’S BEDROOM. Morning. ACE and MARCO sleeping in bed. Alarm clock rings. ACE slowly wakes up.]
ACE: [Moan] Oww… you’re heavy… get off me. Now.
MARCO: (Mumble) You’re my magical yumyum cake… [Squeezes ACE.]
[ACE faints.]
--
[Inside WAYNE MANOR. TASHIGI inside her BEDROOM.]
TASHIGI: Hurray for polishing swords! [Smile]
[TASHIGI lifts sword for further inspection. Accidentally throws it out of window. Sound of breaking glass. Car tires screeching. Explosions. Sirens wailing. Cloud of black smoke rises.]
TASHIGI: Oops.
--
[Inside a room of LOGUETOWN HOSPITAL. LUFFY sprinkling salt and pepper onto SMOKER who is still incapable of moving.]
SMOKER: (Panicked) SOMEBODY HELP ME.
LUFFY: Mmm… meat… [Drool]
SMOKER: AAAAAAGH. [Squirms futilely]
[ACE bursts into room. Jaw drops open in shock.]
ACE: Luffy?! What are you doing?!
LUFFY: Meat! [Points to Smoker]
ACE: No, bad Luffy! No matter how delicious he looks, you must resist the urge to eat him!
LUFFY: But he looks tasty! [Wibble]
SMOKER: … that sounds a little strange…
[Cellphone rings. ACE smashes his phone into little pieces.]
SMOKER: Uh… that was my phone. [Tries to answer phone in pocket. Fails.]
ACE: I’ll get it for you. [Pushes LUFFY out of the way and takes SMOKER’s cellphone.] Hello?
VOICE: AAAAAACE WHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!?! [Wails]
ACE: [Drops phone. Shrieks.] HE’S EVERYWHERE!!! [Runs out of room screaming.]
[Silence]
LUFFY: MEAT!
[SMOKER screams in terror.]
--
[Inside GARP’S OFFICE with GARP, COBY and HELMEPPO.]
GARP: The results are in!
[COBY and HELMEPPO fidget anxiously.]
GARP: Coby’s going to be the Sugarbum Fairy, and Helmeppo is sentenced to all future tea parties! Dismissed! [Leaves]
HELMEPPO: [In grass skirt] Wait, what?!
COBY: [In tutu] I’m not sure if I should be happy or not.
--
[Inside of WHITEBEARD’S fastfood restaurant. MARCO behind cash register. JOZU flipping burgers. BLACKBEARD mopping the floor. ACE enters.]
ACE: Hey guys!
[Silence]
ACE: You’re no fun. [Goes behind counter and dons an apron.] (To Marco) How’s it going?
MARCO: [Sniff] I hate my life.
ACE: Yeah, everybody does. It’s okay. [Whistles cheerfully and mans other cash register.]
BB: (Accented) ZEHAHAHA!!! Ah ahm DAHKNESS!
ACE: Is he going into his weird Goth phase again?
[JOZU nods and continues flipping burgers]
MARCO: [Randomly bursts into tears] MR. FLUFFYKINS!!!
ACE: [Jumps] @#$%, man! What was that for?!
JOZU: He’s still moping about his teddy bear. [Juggles spatulas]
ACE: Oh. Right. [Shudder]
[MARCO weeps loudly and blows his nose on ACE’s apron.]
ACE: Ew, gross! [Swats MARCO away.]
MARCO: Ace, why do you hate me?! [Cries]
ACE: [Ignores MARCO] Oi, Teach! Just return the stupid teddy bear so Marco will stop stalking me on the phone!
MARCO: B-but I can’t help it! I c-can’t sleep without Mr. Fluffykins!
BB: ZEHAHAHAHA! Baht ah mahst possahs za cyoot ickle taddey bar ahnd fyail aht wahth DAHKNESS!!!
ACE: For Pete’s sake, speak normally. People have no idea what the heck you’re saying.
MARCO: [Sniff] I knew somebody named Pete. He died. [Wails]
[JOZU chucks burger at MARCO. MARCO screams in terror and then cries more.]
ACE: (Exasperated) Teach, give it back to him. Unharmed.
BB: Mah nayum’s nawt Teeyech!
ACE: Fine, Blackbeard. Are you satisfied now?!
BB: NAOH!
MARCO: Sodium hydroxide?
[Everyone ignores MARCO, who cries again because he’s being ignored.]
BB: Mah nayum’s nawt Teeyech oar Bleeyackbeeyurd!
ACE: [Snerk] I bet it isn’t.
BB: [Glare] Ah ahm… [Pauses dramatically] Mahjehcull Dahkness Sheycheybookah Bachshtabbah-chann!
[Silence]
ACE: … Magical Darkness Shichibukai Backstabber-chan?!
BB: Yeass, zaht’s raht! ZEHAHAHAHAHA!!! [Brandishes mop]
MARCO: But what about Mr. Fluffykins?! [Bawls]
ACE: ARGH! And you wonder why we never have any customers!
JOZU: Sorry, what’d you say man? [Stops sticking French Fries up his nose.]
[ACE smashes head repeatedly on cash register.]
BB: Oops, ah fahrtid.
[ACE shrieks.]
--
If anybody can actually say what Marco did on the phone (everything) in ONE BREATH and give me physical proof... I will arrange their funeral give you a nifty prize! 8D
Please don't try it.
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Beware of uber long blobs of text.
--
[Inside ACE’S BEDROOM. ACE on bed, asleep. Clock says “4:16 am”. Cellphone rings.]
ACE: [Wakes up] NOT THE APRON! [Blink] Oh… who’d call this early… except… [Answers phone] (Apprehensively) Hello…?
MARCO: (From phone) AAAAAAAAACE. [Cries]
ACE: W-what? Marco? What’s wrong now?!
[MARCO wails incomprehensively.]
ACE: [Groan] Dude, this is the ninth time this week…
MARCO: (Sobbing) I'm sorry Ace I didn’t mean to bother you but I really really couldn’t sleep because I just can’t I just can’t sleep so I called you which is bothersome and I didn’t mean to be a bother I’m really sorry but I couldn’t sleep so I called and bothered you -
ACE: [Blinking sleepily] (Tired) Marco, I have no idea what the heck you’re saying…
MARCO: (Still going) - because Teach took my teddy bear and you know how I just can’t fall asleep without my precious teddy bear I just can’t you know yeah you know I know you know so you know I can’t sleep because Teach took my teddy bear which I use for sleeping which I don’t have now so I can’t sleep so now I called you and you know -
ACE: [Yawn] Shut up please…
MARCO: (Still going) - such a freaky dude with all his weird laughter and always talking about darknes instead of happy things like ballet and magical yumyum cakes and my precious teddy bear which I can’t sleep without and you know that I know you know about my teddy bear and -
[ACE hangs up and falls back asleep. Cellphone rings a minute later. ACE wakes up and answers.]
MARCO: (Still going) - sorry I’m being such a bother about Teach and my teddy bear and how I can’t sleep because Teach took my teddy bear but why did you hang up on me why are you angry why can’t you just listen it’s not that hard you know and I know you know that it’s not hard and also that I know you know I know you know I know you know about my teddy which I need to sleep with because you know I can’t sleep without my -
ACE: (Tense) Marco. Marco? Marco! You need to breathe.
MARCO: (Still going) - thought you loved me too because you were always so nice to me okay well not really but still I loved you back um not back since now you’re saying you never loved me in the first place whatever I totally loved you and also my teddy which I need in order to sleep -
[ACE screams into his pillow.]
MARCO: (Still going) - now you’re yelling at me if I had known you hated me I wouldn’t have had to shed so many tears over all the times you yelled at me like now you know but now I know you hate me which hurts but it doesn’t hurt as much if you yelled in love or like Teach taking my -
ACE: (Angry) MARCO SHUT UP I NEED TO SLEEP. I’m serious!
MARCO: (Still going) - but you know I don’t know why you hate me Ace because I really did love you you know I still love you so why do you hate me Ace why don’t you love me Ace why -
[ACE throws cellphone out window. Somebody screams in pain. ACE, surprised, gets out of bed to investigate. Opens the door to balcony.]
MARCO: [Clutching eye] (Still going) - and ACE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?! [Wails loudly]
ACE: (Shocked) You were outside on the freaking balcony the entire time?!
MARCO: I c-couldn’t sleep you know because Teach took -
ACE: [Shoves convenient potted plant into MARCO’s mouth to shut him up.] Okay. Tell you what… [Breathes deeply] You can use me as a teddy bear, just for tonight if you stop calling me. [Sees MARCO about to ramble again.] LIMITED TIME OFFER.
MARCO: [Eats pot] HURRAY! [Latches onto ACE.]
ACE: Urgh… [Drags MARCO back to bed.]
MARCO: (Cheerful) Aww thanks Ace you’re such a pal and I still love you even after you threw your phone into my eye and -
[ACE gags MARCO and tries to sleep.]
--
[Inside abandoned WAREHOUSE. GOLDFISH and MOP seated at table dimly illuminated by a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Playing cards.]
MOP: … go fish.
GOLDFISH: Mutiny!
--
[Inside ACE’S BEDROOM. Morning. ACE and MARCO sleeping in bed. Alarm clock rings. ACE slowly wakes up.]
ACE: [Moan] Oww… you’re heavy… get off me. Now.
MARCO: (Mumble) You’re my magical yumyum cake… [Squeezes ACE.]
[ACE faints.]
--
[Inside WAYNE MANOR. TASHIGI inside her BEDROOM.]
TASHIGI: Hurray for polishing swords! [Smile]
[TASHIGI lifts sword for further inspection. Accidentally throws it out of window. Sound of breaking glass. Car tires screeching. Explosions. Sirens wailing. Cloud of black smoke rises.]
TASHIGI: Oops.
--
[Inside a room of LOGUETOWN HOSPITAL. LUFFY sprinkling salt and pepper onto SMOKER who is still incapable of moving.]
SMOKER: (Panicked) SOMEBODY HELP ME.
LUFFY: Mmm… meat… [Drool]
SMOKER: AAAAAAGH. [Squirms futilely]
[ACE bursts into room. Jaw drops open in shock.]
ACE: Luffy?! What are you doing?!
LUFFY: Meat! [Points to Smoker]
ACE: No, bad Luffy! No matter how delicious he looks, you must resist the urge to eat him!
LUFFY: But he looks tasty! [Wibble]
SMOKER: … that sounds a little strange…
[Cellphone rings. ACE smashes his phone into little pieces.]
SMOKER: Uh… that was my phone. [Tries to answer phone in pocket. Fails.]
ACE: I’ll get it for you. [Pushes LUFFY out of the way and takes SMOKER’s cellphone.] Hello?
VOICE: AAAAAACE WHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!?! [Wails]
ACE: [Drops phone. Shrieks.] HE’S EVERYWHERE!!! [Runs out of room screaming.]
[Silence]
LUFFY: MEAT!
[SMOKER screams in terror.]
--
[Inside GARP’S OFFICE with GARP, COBY and HELMEPPO.]
GARP: The results are in!
[COBY and HELMEPPO fidget anxiously.]
GARP: Coby’s going to be the Sugarbum Fairy, and Helmeppo is sentenced to all future tea parties! Dismissed! [Leaves]
HELMEPPO: [In grass skirt] Wait, what?!
COBY: [In tutu] I’m not sure if I should be happy or not.
--
[Inside of WHITEBEARD’S fastfood restaurant. MARCO behind cash register. JOZU flipping burgers. BLACKBEARD mopping the floor. ACE enters.]
ACE: Hey guys!
[Silence]
ACE: You’re no fun. [Goes behind counter and dons an apron.] (To Marco) How’s it going?
MARCO: [Sniff] I hate my life.
ACE: Yeah, everybody does. It’s okay. [Whistles cheerfully and mans other cash register.]
BB: (Accented) ZEHAHAHA!!! Ah ahm DAHKNESS!
ACE: Is he going into his weird Goth phase again?
[JOZU nods and continues flipping burgers]
MARCO: [Randomly bursts into tears] MR. FLUFFYKINS!!!
ACE: [Jumps] @#$%, man! What was that for?!
JOZU: He’s still moping about his teddy bear. [Juggles spatulas]
ACE: Oh. Right. [Shudder]
[MARCO weeps loudly and blows his nose on ACE’s apron.]
ACE: Ew, gross! [Swats MARCO away.]
MARCO: Ace, why do you hate me?! [Cries]
ACE: [Ignores MARCO] Oi, Teach! Just return the stupid teddy bear so Marco will stop stalking me on the phone!
MARCO: B-but I can’t help it! I c-can’t sleep without Mr. Fluffykins!
BB: ZEHAHAHAHA! Baht ah mahst possahs za cyoot ickle taddey bar ahnd fyail aht wahth DAHKNESS!!!
ACE: For Pete’s sake, speak normally. People have no idea what the heck you’re saying.
MARCO: [Sniff] I knew somebody named Pete. He died. [Wails]
[JOZU chucks burger at MARCO. MARCO screams in terror and then cries more.]
ACE: (Exasperated) Teach, give it back to him. Unharmed.
BB: Mah nayum’s nawt Teeyech!
ACE: Fine, Blackbeard. Are you satisfied now?!
BB: NAOH!
MARCO: Sodium hydroxide?
[Everyone ignores MARCO, who cries again because he’s being ignored.]
BB: Mah nayum’s nawt Teeyech oar Bleeyackbeeyurd!
ACE: [Snerk] I bet it isn’t.
BB: [Glare] Ah ahm… [Pauses dramatically] Mahjehcull Dahkness Sheycheybookah Bachshtabbah-chann!
[Silence]
ACE: … Magical Darkness Shichibukai Backstabber-chan?!
BB: Yeass, zaht’s raht! ZEHAHAHAHAHA!!! [Brandishes mop]
MARCO: But what about Mr. Fluffykins?! [Bawls]
ACE: ARGH! And you wonder why we never have any customers!
JOZU: Sorry, what’d you say man? [Stops sticking French Fries up his nose.]
[ACE smashes head repeatedly on cash register.]
BB: Oops, ah fahrtid.
[ACE shrieks.]
--
If anybody can actually say what Marco did on the phone (everything) in ONE BREATH and give me physical proof... I will arrange their funeral give you a nifty prize! 8D
Please don't try it.
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