I have become very independant ( Read more... )

So I took appoximatly 7 shots of 40% Vodka last night. Disappointed Randy again. But I'm going to prove myself to him this time. He'll see. I'm worth it. I didn't drink anything today. And I only smoked a little bit of pot with my mom before the movie. We saw Over The Hedge. Fuckin awesome movie ( Read more... )

Randy and I broke up again. This time my fault. Seems like it's always my fault. I just can't do anything right. I hooked up with someone while he was in jail. There is nothing I can say to justify it. But I was lost, miserable, talked into it, and I cut the shit out of myself afterwards...which seems like a good idea at the moment too. I just took ( Read more... )

I just don't know if I can do it again. Be without him. I can't be without him ( Read more... )

Sometimes I just feel like dying ( Read more... )

I'm at Randy's right now. Watching Atlantis (the disney movie) and hanging out with him and his friend Jason. Jason seems kind of like a burnout. But he's a nice enough guy ( Read more... )

I'm all moved into my new house. Except for my kitten, horse, DVD player, and TV...I'm picking up that stuff in a week and a half. I have a gastro appt on the 31st. My stomach hasn't been that good, but it hasn't been that bad. I think the Prozac has been making me really tired. I cut myself again...this time really bad. They're really wide...and ( Read more... )

Randy got out of jail a week ago. We've spent everyday together and it's been awesome. I really feel more secure this time around. And I hope it's the last. I love this guy. So much ( Read more... )

I'minkissimmeeonakeyboardwithabrokenspacebar.IsawRandytoday.ItmademerealizeyetagainhowmuchIloveandmisstheboy.IfeellikemaybeIcanfinallytrusthim.Afterwhathappened,Idon'tthinkhe'lleverdoitagain.Icheatedonmyfirstboyfriend.Peoplesay,"Onceacheater,alwaysacheater."Whichisnottrueinmycase,soIbelieveit'sworthashot.MaybeI'llgethurtagain.AndmaybeIwon't.ButIdon ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel like I'm killing myself quickly ( Read more... )