Fragile 3/4
Title: Fragile
Pairing: Changmin x Yoochun
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: When I close my eyes, they are mine.
Genre: AU, angst, drama, romance
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, rape, incest, underage sex, twisted parentship.
Summary: ‘I love you’ soon becomes a meaningless phrase for Yoochun. His mother takes him more and more often to those strange friends of hers, sometimes leaving him and sometimes watching while those strangers do those things to him. She tells him it’s normal, she tells him he has to do it in order to prove how much he loves her. So Yoochun complies.
When his mother gets remarried, she tells her son he doesn't have to prove anything anymore. Yoochun thinks this is the end of the uncomfortable experiences but he's wrong. Things escalate even more when his stepbrother comes back from the army.
Chapter 1 // Chapter 2
Chapter 3
The next day, Changmin is gone when Yoochun wakes up. He’s disappointed with himself as he had thought of several plans how he should get to know his stepbrother better. He had wanted to ask everything to Changmin the moment he would have seen him at the table, enjoying his breakfast. He had wanted to ask him how the army had been, if he felt proud for serving and protecting the country, how he had been as a child, what his favorite color was, what his dream house looked like, what his favorite animal was, his favorite number, his favorite idol and so many more things! He was so curious about so many things and he wanted to become a true brother for Changmin.
The dinner last night had been painfully awkward. Yoochun hadn’t dared to open his mouth, even though curiosity was burning inside him, afraid that he would ask too personal questions to his stepbrother. Yoochun also didn’t know how his stepbrother always behaved after a fight. The little boy always gave his mother the silent treatment when he lost one of their arguments and Yoochun was scared that he would thwart the plans of his stepbrother if he used to silence everyone as well. Thus, he held his mouth while he heard his mother attempting to make small talk.
He’s disappointed to find his stepbrother gone when he wakes up the next day. Yoochun is eating his breakfast absentmindedly and he knows that if someone were to ask him what he’s eating this very moment, he wouldn’t be able to answer that question. He tries to cover his burning curiosity when he asks his mother about the whereabouts of his stepbrother, his eyes are lingering on an advertisement leaflet, pretending to read it.
“He’s trying to get his life back on the rails,” his mother replies, her voice bored and Yoochun knows she isn’t really interested in what’s Changmin doing at the moment, “I guess he’s looking for an apartment to move into.”
Her answer stuns Yoochun for a moment. He had wanted to meet his stepbrother so badly, he had wanted to get to know him better, he had wanted to become a happy family. He hadn’t expected things to turn out this way... “Is it... is it because he doesn’t want to be with us? Is that why he got into an argument with dad yesterday?” Yoochun asks and even he can hear his own voice trembling, trembling with tears as he sees his own dream stagger, threatening to shatter.
“No, it’s not like that,” his mother shushed, “Changmin is twenty-three years old. He just wants to live on his own, become independent, study and find a girl to marry. You’ll be the same in eleven years. Dongmin said Changmin has a lot of difficulties readjusting to being in society again but that’ll eventually come. Just give your brother time to get used to normal life again and you’ll see he’ll be more accepting towards you.”
Yoochun had so many more questions. He wanted to ask if Changmin would really accept them if he didn’t know them, if he lived on his own and cut off all his ties with them. He wanted to ask if he’d never be able to know Changmin’s favorite color, his favorite idol or his favorite number. However, the glance in the eyes of his mother were enough to silence him. Her eyes were stern and cold and Yoochun knew she didn’t want to answer any more of his questions.
~
Yoochun thinks that he’s lucky when he’s able to catch small glimpses of Changmin. Sometimes, when he walks downstairs, he’s just in time to see his stepbrother leaving the house and he manages to catch a glimpse of the khaki color of Changmin’s jacket. Sometimes, when he’s lying in bed, being in a state where he’s drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness, he’s able to hear the faint sound of footsteps walking on the stairs and he knows that his stepbrother has finally returned home. And rarely, he got to exchange a few words with Changmin.
It’s four days after Changmin’s arrival that Yoochun finally seizes the chance to make some small talk with his brother. He doesn’t know how to start a conversation but when he finds his stepbrother alone in his room, studying some leaflets, he just knows he can’t let this opportunity go. He shyly knocks on the open door and when his stepbrother looks up, those big eyes piercing him, Yoochun feels the blood rushing to his cheeks.
“Errm...” he begins awkwardly, clearing his throat while he lets his eyes wander through the room. He has been into the room only a few times, secretly admiring the many awards Changmin had won for various athletic events but also for various events that required intelligence. The room is awkwardly silent with Changmin’s eyes resting on his face so the nervous Yoochun blurts out the first (and most unoriginal) thing that comes to mind, “What are you doing?”
Another silence.
Yoochun isn’t able to stand still, nervously fiddling the loose threads of his sweater, fidgeting, his eyes looking everywhere in the room except for the bed, where Changmin is sitting.
“I’m looking for an apartment,” his stepbrother answers after a short silence. Yoochun’s hesitating eyes find their way to Changmin’s face and he notices the eyes, softer and gentler than before, even though his voice remains cold. There’s another silence, one where Changmin focuses his attention again on the leaflets and the small boy doesn’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t know if the short answer is an invite to walk into the room but he guesses it isn’t.
“Can I... can I come in?” Yoochun really wants to bite his own tongue off. Was he a masochist? Did he like to have awkward conversations with someone who hated him before he even knew him? “I mean, I can give you advice. I can tell you if an apartment is nice or not! You know, I have a dream house... would you like to know about it? Later, when I’m really really reaaaaaally rich, I want to live into a big, biiiig house. It has to be white with a gray roof and it has to have many windows because I love the light! There will be multiple slides through the house so you won’t have to walk any stairs if you want to go downstairs. I want to live with mommy, with daddy and with you and we’ll become one big and happy family!”
Yoochun smiles triumphantly, staring happily to no particular point in the room while he thinks about his dream house. He had spoken so many times with Junsu about it and they both agreed on the slides part. That was definitely necessary in the most awesome house of the world.
For a second, he forgets he had been talking to Changmin. He doesn’t even realize the room has gone silent again with his stepbrother doing nothing but looking amused at him, a slight smile playing on his lips. “What? Did I say something strange?” Another silence where Changmin does nothing but look at him with amusement, his eyes slightly uneven. “Do I have something on my face? Have you forgotten who I am? Don’t worry, I’m no intruder! I’m Park Yoochun!”
The little boy is about to make a bow to once again introduce himself, thinking that it wouldn’t be strange if Changmin had really forgotten him since they had barely seen each other, but before he’s able to bow, a light chuckle startles him. Surprised, Yoochun finds himself staring at his stepbrother who’s freely laughing. “Geez, I’m not demented,” Changmin tries to take shaky breaths between his laughter, “You’ve already introduced yourself three times or something. I get it... I get it. You’re Park Yoochun, my stepbrother. You’ve heard many stories about me, you think we have a lot in common, I’ve heard it all. From you, from my father, from your mother. Geez, I think I could dream about your words by now. Fine, fine, tell me about your dream house then.”
Yoochun is astounded to see his older stepbrother patting on the empty place next to him while he uses his other hand to wipe away the tears of laughter. He’s frozen to his place for another few seconds before he’s moving his limbs to the empty place. He soon finds himself sitting next to his brother, his small frame next to the broad and muscular frame of his tan brother. A joyous smile is spreading on his face while he starts telling about the size of the rooms in his house, the wallpaper he liked to chose, his dream car parked before his dream house, the different colors of the slides and many more.
“You know... I almost forgot how it was to be like a child,” Changmin smiles when Yoochun finally leaves his room. The small boy doesn’t know if it’s good to feel like a child but he does know that the warm feeling spreading through his abdomen has nothing to do with feeling sad. Yoochun is happy that he’s become closer with his stepbrother ans suddenly, his wish of being part of one happy family doesn’t seem so unrealistic anymore.
~
Yoochun isn’t able to meet his stepbrother anymore after that day. Changmin is busy meeting up with friends, arranging social things like a new phone, reapplying for university and looking for a new apartment. Yoochun likes to think that his stepbrother is taking his advice about houses into consideration. So when Changmin comes home exactly eight days after his return from the army and announces that he’s going to live with his friend Jaejoong until he has found an apartment, Yoochun is astounded. Once again, he sees his dream, so close to becoming reality, shattering.
“Why? You don’t like it here? You don’t like mom and me?” he asks silently, his voice trembling with tears. It’s the second time they’re alone together and Yoochun is sitting on the bed of his stepbrother, staring to the ground as he feels his eyes sting with tears. “You can just... I don’t... I don’t want to be the reason why you and your father become separated...” he says, the words barely audible. Yoochun is too embarrassed to say these words but at the same time, he thinks the relationship between father and son is more important than his temporary embarrassment.
A bitter chuckle escapes from Changmin’s lips. “No. Don’t worry about it. I’d like to think my father has changed ever since I went to the army... but I realized I really can’t stand to live in the same house as him even if he has changed. It’s suffocating and my head feels like exploding... It’s not because of you but because of my father and the memories that keep haunting me when I’m walking through this house.”
Yoochun doesn’t know what to say after he has heard these words. They’re like riddles to him. He only manages to fake a slight smile and nod as if he comprehends everything though he wants to do nothing else but cry at the thought of his brother leaving, leaving him with an incomplete family. Leaving his wish unfulfilled.
“You have to tell me if my father is doing things that aren’t normal, okay?” Changmin suddenly asks. Yoochun looks into his big, round brown eyes and he has never seen this worried and gentle gaze in them. It surprises him. Changmin clears his throat nervously before he continues, hesitatingly, “He... hasn’t already... right?”
Yoochun finds himself too surprised to answer. He would have never expected these kind of questions from his stepbrother, these questions that were not about him yet seemed to be all about him. Had his stepfather done anything strange? “No, I don’t think he has... Unless you mean his strange habit of picking out the onions from his food while the onions are the most delicious part of the food?”
Changmin's tense shoulders relax and he bursts out into laughter. “You’re too... innocent,” he chuckles as he pats his little stepbrother softly on the head. “I guess... I was worried for nothing then.”
Those words make Yoochun glow from the inside. He’s happy to hear that his brother has started to care about him. The little boy feels like he can trust Changmin and for a moment, he almost opens his mouth to ask him how his childhood had been and if he also had such difficulties with proving his love for others.
However, Yoochun is still able to hear the faint voice of his mother in the back of his head, telling him that nobody would want to talk about it... It was like taking a dump after all. Yoochun doesn't want to make things more awkward with Changmin, especially not after he has finally started to warm up towards him. Talking about pooping wouldn't be the best subject for a non-awkward conversation.
The voice of his mother was followed by the clearer sound of the voice of his stepfather, slightly panting while whispering in his ear, “Don’t tell anyone about this. Not even your mother... She’ll be forced to choose between you and me and you know how much she loves the both of us. You don't want to ruin our family, right?”
Yoochun remembered he had nodded, his teary eyes fixated on the ceiling while his body was moving along with the slow but deep thrusts of his stepfather. He wanted to run, to scramble away, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get anywhere in life if he already wanted to run now... if he already wanted to flee from such a trivial challenge.
“That’s good...” Changmin says, his voice taking Yoochun back to reality. “I’ll be able to leave tomorrow without any worries...”
~
That afternoon, Yoochun doesn’t dare to steal any glances at Changmin’s room. He knows it's too tidy, he knows there's a big suitcase standing in the middle of the room and he knows the whole room is screaming that Changmin is going to depart soon. That Changmin is going to leave their lives soon, leaving Yoochun behind with an empty hole in his body where his family ought to be.
His stepbrother is gone for the evening, already busy with moving some big items to Jaejoong’s apartment. Yoochun tries not to think about it but the sharp pain in his chest is hard to ignore just like the urge to start sobbing like a crazy idiot. His mother is gone to salsa classes and his stepfather isn't at home either, something which surprises Yoochun. Dongmin had always been home on Thursday evenings especially after he had announced that they needed bonding.
Yoochun is bored and decides to go to bed, biting heavily on his lower lip to prevent himself from crying. He hated to be alone in the house.
~
“Yoochun...” a low voice is whispering into his ear. It’s a familiar voice but Yoochun isn’t exactly able to place it in his sleepy state where he tries to wake up but fails miserably, the heavy sleep pulling him back to unconsciousness. “Yoochun... my little son... At least you still care about your father... Please show me how much you love me.”
Yoochun is startled awake when he feels something big being put roughly into his mouth. His eyes flutter open but his heavy mind is still thick with sleep and he isn't able to process what's happening until he feels his father thrusting into his mouth. A muffled scream escapes from his lips, his eyes widening when he feels his father speeding up his pace.
It hurts too much. The movements of his father are disorientated and harsh without any care for the small boy beneath him. Yoochun finds his eyes pooling with tears when his father is thrusting quickly and deeply into his mouth, abusing every little corner of it.
He's gagging, gagging around the length that's pumping too fast in his mouth. He's completely caught off guard. The fast thrusting is taking all his breath away and Yoochun feels like he’s suffocating. Yoochun finds himself struggling, his small hands pushing weakly against the broad chest of his father, trying to create a space between them where he's able to breathe. However, the broad chest doesn't move along with his hands and Yoochun is sure he's turning a light tint of purple.
“Shh...” his father shushes and he wraps his big hands around Yoochun small one's, pushing them off his chest. “Don't cry, baby, don't cry.”
The low voice of his father is soothing but it doesn’t manage to calm his rapidly beating heart down. The cock slips out of his mouth, dripping with spit, as Dongmin leans closer to his face to kiss his falling tears away. Yoochun notices the heavy smell of alcohol when Dongmin's breath brushes against his skin.
Yoochun’s chest is heaving, heaving with the amount of air he tries to suck in. He doesn't even notice how hands are slipping under his shirt, lifting it before Dongmin leans down to kiss and bite the smooth skin, leaving hickeys where his lips touch.
Yoochun has long gotten used to it. He's able to shut his mind off while his father is doing these unpleasant things to him, his body on auto pilot. “I'm so glad at least one of my sons love me,” the panting voice of Dongmin continues to whisper things in his ear but the heavy smell of alcohol is unbearable and Yoochun has to use all his power not to turn his head away.
Dongmin is stripping him so fast that Yoochun doesn't even realize it, his thoughts somewhere far away, until he feels his legs being lifted. His hands automatically grip the back of his knees but Yoochun can't suppress the sudden fear flaring through him.
He's scared because his father is acting this harshly after he has drunk alcohol. Yoochun doesn't like the harsh treatment, realizing it's going to be too painful for him. He tries to relax his rigid body, knowing this is no moment to get nervous, but he's too late when he feels the length of his father intruding his entrance.
A scream filled with agony is leaving from Yoochun lips, his back arching and it takes all his strength to prevent himself from kicking his father. There isn't enough time to think around the pain flaring through his whole body and Yoochun finds himself crying, crying endlessly as he doesn't even know anymore where the pain begins and where it ends.
“Please... st-stop,” he whimpers softly, the pain choking him. His father is thrusting so fast, so deep and it hurts so much, his body doing everything to work the lump out of his body. He wants it to end so badly...
He hears his father moan above him and his moans filled with lust are contrasting starkly against Yoochun's soft whimpers of pain. The small boy feels so abused, so torn apart, that he can't even find the energy to struggle even if he wanted to.
He wants to throw up so badly when his father comes inside of him, his sperm filling Yoochun's small body. He wants to throw up so badly when his father finally slips out of him, his cock slick, but decides he hasn't ruined the boy enough. He wants to throw up so badly when he obediently opens his mouth, his whole soul breaking, and tastes the copper taste of blood mixed with sperm.
Yoochun finds himself begging, begging for this hell to stop but his begs are muffled by the lump in his mouth and he only hears his father hum in approvement when he feels the vibrations around his cock.
Yoochun feels so weak and powerless. He despises this side of himself...
And then, the lights go on.
He's still crying, sobbing endlessly around the length in his mouth, hurt ripping at every corner of his small body. Yoochun doesn't even know who has come into his room, his eyes squinting against the bright light, but he couldn’t care less either. He knows nobody is going to save him from this hard task everyone has to go through.
When the cock slips out of his mouth, Yoochun curls himself into a ball. His arms are hugging his knees protectively while he tries to make himself as small as possible, wishing he could disappear from this planet. Tears are running endlessly over his face, falling into the already soaked fabric of his pillow.
“What the fuck are you doing?” a cold voice asks. The voice is so thoroughly filled with disgust and hate that it sends shivers down Yoochun's spine. He had tried so hard to have that voice speak to him in a friendly manner... He didn't want to meet Changmin right now, not when he was in such a pitiful state where he looked so touched, so dirty and so broken.
“Changmin-ah!” the voice of his father exults, “Care to join us? At least this son loves me!”
A low growl escaped from Changmin's throat. That simple sound is so filled with anger and loathe that it makes Yoochun flinch, embarrassment filling his abused body. He knows Changmin hates him now... The small boy wants to open his mouth, wants to tell his stepbrother he had never meant to steal his father's love but his body is trembling too badly, his throat hurts too much and Yoochun knows he's going to choke on his never ending tears.
“Fucking asshole... I thought you had changed!” the words were followed by the sound of a punch and a moan of pain. “Put your useless penis back into your pants before I'm going to cut it off, bastard. Do you even have a conscience? You should be put into jail.”
Changmin's angry voice sent shivers down Yoochun's spine and he tries to make himself even smaller, knowing that this is all his fault... If only he hadn't started it all that very day... If only he hadn't wanted to make his father feel at ease...
“You're being an ignorant dog! How can you treat your father like this? I've raised you and you dare to punch me? I'll teach you...” Yoochun pinches his eyes shut, scared for what's going to happen. He has never heard two men this angry. He wants to stand up, to get up and stop the two men. He wants to apologize for his stupid actions but he doesn't even have the energy to force his voice to pronounce coherent words.
The sounds of a short fight follows, with fists making contact with skin and Yoochun is so so scared. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, more tears streaming down his cheeks and his body starts to tremble even more. He feels like a big mess, a mess who isn't even able to man up and stop the fighting men.
He's so scared when he hears a heavy body fall to the ground. When the weight slaps against the floor and there are no more sounds except for the huffing of the winner of the fight mixed with the sound of Yoochun choking on his own tears, footsteps move closer to his body.
“Hey... are you okay?” a hesitating but gentle voice asks and Yoochun knows it's Changmin. He doesn't want to open his eyes, too scared to face his stepbrother. He's too embarrassed with himself so he does the only thing he can think of: become a coward. Yoochun hugs his knees even tighter to his small chest, choking on his own tears as he refuses to speak to Changmin.
A sigh escapes from Changmin's lips as he moves closer. Yoochun can feel the tall body of his stepbrother hovering over him even with his eyes shut. “Is it okay... if I touch you?” the voice sounds hesitating once again and when Yoochun finally has the guts to open his eyes, he sees Changmin's hand hovering just above his skin, careful not to touch his abused body until he has gotten the permission for it.
“I'm... I'm s-s-sorry,” Yoochun cries. His voice is hitching, breaking and it doesn't even sound like his own. “I-I-I never... wanted to-to c-come between you and your-your father. It-it's all my f-fault.”
A low chuckle escapes from Changmin's throat. “Tch, you didn't come between us. My father screwed up a long time ago... It's not your fault, okay? Don't ever think that.” Changmin reaches his hand out and his soft fingertips make contact with Yoochun's cheek. The small boy knows it's meant as a sweet gesture but he flinches anyway, trying to shrink away in mattress.
“Sorry,” Changmin says, an apologetic look appearing on his face while he quickly pulls his hand back. “Fuck, you're such a mess.”
The words are followed by a silence, one where Changmin is hovering awkwardly over Yoochun’s naked body. The small boy is looking at his stepbrother, tears slipping out of the corners of his eyes, as he observes the movements of him. He feels so disgusted with himself, nausea spreading through his body and he wants to throw up so badly.
“Can you... can you walk?” the hesitating voice asks once again.
Yoochun wants to say something, answer his brother, but he can’t find his voice and he doesn’t dare to open his mouth, afraid he’s going to puke all over him. At the same time, he doesn’t want to say something either, scared that Changmin will be too disgusted by him. He remains silently in his fetal position, tears still running over his face. He shivers when a cool breeze brushes past his ass, realization seeping in that there had been liquid dripping out of his hole all along. Yoochun doesn’t know if the liquid was his blood or his stepfather’s semen but he finds himself gagging just at the thought of it.
“Shit, I’m going to touch you, okay?” Changmin says, distraught when he sees his father moving in his sleep. Before Yoochun can protest against it, he feels strong arms wrapping a thin blanket around his naked body, careful not to touch his skin.
“No...” he says, his breath hitching through his tears and he’s relieved to see that Changmin immediately pulls his arms back. Finally, realization seeps in and he knows he doesn’t want anyone to touch him when he’s in this kind of state. “I’m... I... just give me a moment, okay?”
Yoochun doesn’t know what’s wrong with him but he finally comes out of his fetal position, the blood rushing back to his arms and legs, before he stands up, attempting to make his way to the bathroom. However, he hasn’t even taken two steps or he finds himself flailing, his feet sleeping and the pain shooting through his spine too unbearable. Yoochun staggers but he already knows he’s going to end up on the floor so he doesn’t even fight it when his legs give out under his weight, preparing to take the fall with his body.
“Yah, watch out!” Changmin screams and Yoochun feels strong arms catch him. His surroundings become blurry and it makes his head spin and that only increases his nausea more. Before he can catch himself, he’s thrown up all over his caring stepbrother.
Well, hello there, as if things weren’t awkward enough already.
~
Yoochun feels bad when he finally sits in Changmin’s car. He had apologized at least hundred times and his brother had only shrugged though the small child was able to see the carefully hidden look of disgust painted on Changmin’s face. They hadn’t gotten the time to clean themselves properly as his stepbrother was in a rush to get them out of the house. Changmin had quickly scribbled a note for Yoochun’s mother before they had left and Yoochun couldn’t help himself but marvel over the neat and beautiful handwriting.
“Where are we going?” the small boy asks as he puts on his seat belt. He wants to do nothing else than get back into his protective fetal pose, hugging his own body to prevent it from falling apart, and sob his heart out. Yet, he doesn’t want to show his weak side in the presence of Changmin. Yoochun wants to appear as a strong person.
“Just give me a moment,” Changmin says and he’s already busy dialing a number while he starts the engine of the car. It was a nice car - a black and slick Jaguar - where Yoochun had sat in many times before. He had never realized that this car was Changmin’s as his father had always used it. Or maybe Changmin was borrowing it from him right now..
His stepbrother starts the car, navigating it to the road while he puts in his earphone. He starts to talk softly on the phone and Yoochun tries with all his might to decipher the words even though he’s fixing his eyes on the road. It’s very uncomfortable in the car with the slight stench of puke filling the space but Yoochun knows better than to say anything about it.
“Hi... it’s me. You mind if I’m going to sleep at your place tonight? Yeah, things changed a little bit... guess so. I’m bringing Yoochun with me... Yeah, my stepbrother. Ha-ha-ha, don’t try to become too funny, will you? No, something bad happened. What, you think I’d love to hold a slumber party at your place? I’m not crazy to bring a small child with me if there would be a party at your place, I know how sex-deprived you are even after you’ve fucked all the attractive women and men in Ibiza. Yeah... see you in a few minutes.”
Changmin pulls the earphone out of his ear and sighs as he fixates his gaze on the road. “We’re going to Jaejoong now. I hope you won’t mind... but I can’t let you behind, not after what has happened. I’ll apologize on behalf of my father... though I don’t think an apology is enough to make things alright. I can understand if you’re shocked with what happened today.” There’s a silence, one where Changmin steals some nervous glances at Yoochun but the small boy is only left more confused with these words. His mother had never said these things when he was younger.
Yoochun remembers the voice of his mother, a warm but distant voice, telling him, “Don’t cry, Yoochun. I love you. Do you love me too?” and he remembers his own broken voice telling her in an almost robotic tone, “I love you.”
Changmin’s words are so different than his mother’s, his voice is filled with real remorse though the small boy doesn’t realize the reason why since his stepbrother has no fault, and Changmin gives him so much room... so much room to breathe, to wrap his mind around the events, to think about what happened... Changmin’s words are a stark contrast against his mother’s, his mother who always tried to force the right words out of him.
“Don’t worry about it...” Yoochun finally manages to say and he’s proud to hear that his voice has regained its normal stability. His voice doesn’t sound as if it could break at any moment anymore, as if he could break at any moment anymore. He has finally managed to calm himself down, even though the disgusting and used feeling remains, and there has finally come an end to the tears that seemed to be endless. “There’s... there’s no need to blame your father. Please don’t hate him for this... I never intended to come between you two... Just give me a night of sleep and I’ve forgotten this.”
He tries to smile, tries to flash one of his fake smiles, but Changmin looks so astounded, so surprised but also... angry, that it makes Yoochun think his stepbrother can see right through his fake smiles. Nevertheless, he’s still smiling. Smiling because that’s all he seems to be able to do after having cried so much.
“Why are you... why are you saying these things?” Changmin says after a short silence. Yoochun is astounded by the question and his eyes linger to the face of his stepbrother, trying to read the emotions, but Changmin’s big, round eyes look cold. “Why are you thinking about other people when you’ve just been raped? Why are you ignoring your own feelings? Aren’t you... shocked? Disgusted? How can you forget this after a night of sleep? How are you even going to be able to sleep tonight?”
That’s the moment where Yoochun realizes he doesn’t understand Changmin at all. They’re on two completely different wavelengths... The small boy wants to open his mouth, wants to ask what ‘rape’ means, wants to ask why he would feel shocked and disgusted with showing his never ending love to others... He wants to say that this is just a phase where he has to go through, that he has to ignore his feelings for a short period of time - that he has to suffer for a short period - because he knows that he’ll be rewarded for his persistence on the long run.
However, he’s too scared to talk when he sees the aggression in the eyes of his brother and his mouth remains shut. The conversation ends with an awkward silence and Yoochun can do nothing but stare out of the window. His eyes go blank when he looks outside, the yellow headlights of other cars passing by, and it’s the first time since he has met Changmin that he realizes that maybe, just maybe, they were not that much alike after all.
~
When Yoochun meets Jaejoong for the first time, he's mesmerized by his beauty. When the door to the apartment opens, revealing the man living inside, Yoochun finds himself marveling over his smooth and creamy complexion, his big eyes brimming with innocent mischieve, his raven hair messy but glossy, his perfect nose high and straight, his lips full and rosy and his shoulders broad and muscled. He had never thought a guy this perfect could exist.
"Yah, calling your friend in the middle of the night... You should be glad I didn't have any plans for tonight," the walking piece of perfection says, frowning in Changmin's direction. Then, he turns to Yoochun, a friendly smile appearing on his face, "Hi, I'm Kim Jaejoong. Nice to meet you."
Yoochun's cheeks flush a bright red and he can’t think of anything coherently to say (because ‘what color of underpants are you wearing?’ isn’t something to ask anyone at the first meeting... it’s not really something you’d ask someone anyway). It was like his first awkward meeting with Changmin... Deciding that he has to make a good impression, the small boy bows deeply (he swore his nose almost hit the floor), and he stammers, "I'm Park Yoochun, it-it's nice to meet you too!"
"Enough with the introductory stuff," Changmin says, a bored tone painting his voice, "I really can't believe you're still able to talk about that. Really, I think everyone in Ibiza knows you right now. Knows you really really well..."
A light chuckle escapes from Jaejoong's lips and he gives Changmin a playful punch on the shoulder. "You jealous, bro?" when his friend answers with a scornful laugh, Jaejoong continues, "Anyway, enough about me or else we’d be standing the whole night on my doorstep... Please, come in."
~
Jaejoong lives in a small apartment. He has all the necessary space and room but if Yoochun had to be honest, he had actually expected lawyers to make more money. Jaejoong had declared he was just starting out as a lawyer, that he had just finished his study, but the small boy finds himself thinking secretly that Jaejoong isn't a good lawyer. Why else would he still be living in such a small apartment?
The apartment reminded Yoochun of one of their old apartments, one where he and his mother had lived after his father's death but before his mother had met Dongmin. The apartment had been theirs just after Yoochun had gotten the hard task to prove his love. It had been a lot better than their old and also worst apartment.
When Changmin tells him to take a shower, Yoochun can't help but protest that he has no clean clothes with him. It doesn't really become a big problem as Jaejoong puts some clean clothing in his hand and Yoochun embarrassingly notes that there's even clean underwear. Maybe he could have asked about his underpants color after all, seeing that they’re close enough to share the same underwear.
When the refreshingly cool water leaving the showerhead hits his tired body, Yoochun finally realizes how tense he had been all this time. He lets out a hiss as he relaxes his body. His mind involuntary flashes back to the events of the past few hours and only then does it really hit him. Only then does it hit him what the hell had just happened.
The pain shooting through his body is unbearable. Yoochun finds himself squatting, a desperate attempt to curl into a ball, to keep himself together, to prevent himself from falling apart. The cool water is falling on him, numbing his body but he doesn’t care. Tears are fighting a way to the outside and his eyes are stinging but Yoochun refuses to cry.
Today had been a Thursday, yes. Yoochun understood that this was a day where he always did these things with his father, this bonding. However, he had never expected that his father still wanted to bond with him that late at night. When he had been sleeping. When he had been so caught off guard.
Yoochun's fingers trail off, trail to his entrance where he can still feel it. He feels the crusts of dried blood, he remembers the feeling when his father filled him and he remembers the feeling of limping around, liquid trickling down his legs. Yoochun feels disgusted with himself, feels so torn apart, broken, and so powerless.
The tears he had been fighting finally find their way down, mingling with the cold water from the shower. The cold water makes him feel so numb, a feeling he’s welcoming, a feeling where he can hide himself into. A low hiss escapes from Yoochun's mouth when he puts his finger into his hole. It hurts, every abused nerve screaming to him to stop. Yet, the small boy knows this is necessary if he wants to feel clean. If he wants to feel cleaner.
More tears escape from his eyes when he puts in a second finger and he almost throws up at the thought that this is what every man had felt before intruding him. Before breaking him.
The small boy starts scissoring himself, ignoring the sharp sting of pain, and then carefully starts to clean his hole with the cold water. The whole thing fills him with nauseatingly disgust but he knows it's necessary.
~
"Where will you sleep?" Yoochun asks, his soft brown eyes looking at his brother. He knows how lifeless he sounds and looks, he knows how the whites of his eyes are slightly red, betraying how much he has actually cried, and he knows that Changmin sees everything, his own eyes soft and gentle but also filled with sadness and agitating hurt.
"I'll sleep on the couch today. Don't feel bad about it, okay?" an encouraging smile appears on Changmin's lips though his eyes remain sad. "You're more important to me than anything else." And Yoochun wants to believe him so badly, wants to drown himself in love so badly, wants to tell about his past so badly... But something in him tells him not to, tells him that Changmin is just saying things because he feels guilty about the actions of his father.
So Yoochun just smiles sadly and says, “Good night, hyung,” even though he knows he's too disgusted with himself to be able to sleep. Even though he knows he wants nothing but to be held protectively, to be protected against the hunting demons from the outside.
~
It's the third day staying in Jaejoong's house that Yoochun overhears something not meant for his ears. It's really early in the morning when he wakes up, his throat screaming for water. After debating with himself for a few seconds whether he should leave his warm and cozy bed or not, he decides to get some water to drink.
His head spins when he suddenly stands up, black spots dancing before his vision, as he feels the blood rush from his head to other parts of his body. After a few seconds, he's able to continue his path to the kitchen.
The last three days had been strange, so different from his usual pattern. Changmin had decided to call him sick for school which Yoochun hadn't minded, though he did feel bad for his friend, Junsu. Yet, Yoochun realized he could get to know his stepbrother better like this and even though his admiration for him had taken a few hits, it was still undying.
Jaejoong had proven himself to be a good guy as well, one who loved to bicker around with Changmin. The man would leave early in the morning and return late in the afternoon but he never complained. He still found the energy to answer Yoochun's questions patiently, to tease Changmin and to cook the most delicious food Yoochun had ever tasted. He had never expected someone to cook better than his mother but he was proven wrong.
Yoochun is surprised when he doesn't find his brother sleeping peacefully on the couch. Instead, he finds a mess of tangled and twisted sheets on the couch. Thinking his brother could have gone to the toilet, he ignores it and continues to walk to the kitchen.
He opens the door to the fridge and grabs the milk. After pouring himself a cup, he closes the fridge door and drinks the content eagerly. The soft taste hits his tongue, eases his dry throat and satisfied, he places the empty cup in the sink, knowing that Jaejoong-hyung would wash it when he wakes up.
He stumbles back to his room, still disappointed when he notices that his brother hasn't returned to sleep, but he's stopped in his tracks when he hears mumbling voices from Jaejoong's room. Yoochun wants to ignore it, wants to go to his room, but he swears he hears his name being dropped in the conversation and that's enough to peak his interest.
Curious, he puts his ear on the door, trying to decipher what Jaejoong is saying. Only then does Yoochun realize it's the voice of his own brother. "...can't believe it... acts as if nothing’s wrong... Jae, tell me... how is it possible for a child to behave this maturely? How can he still smile? How is he... to pretend like nothing has happened? What's wrong with him? Isn't he devastated? Doesn't he feel ruined? I can't even imagine the pain he must be going through and yet... he manages to smile."
"Shhh..." the voice of Jaejoong is soft, almost too hard to hear in comparison with Changmin's upset voice. "Maybe that's how he copes with it. I can't believe... your father... to such a young boy... sorry... asshole... should be put into prison... especially after what he did to your mother... can't let someone like that walk around and marry others..."
"I know what you're saying... I'm not intending to let him go... I know something... But Yoochun... you didn't see how lifeless, how broken, he looked that night... it was so bad... when I found them..." Changmin's voice breaks and it makes Yoochun cringe. He wants to get away, wants to stop listening to this intimate conversation but he isn't able to. His heart breaks just at the thought that Changmin is hurting... hurting over him. "He refused to... I don't think he realizes... Don't know what the hell they did to him... No, I swear... his mother... strange... I don't know if she knows about it... She called me yesterday, telling me to give her son back... said she would... police... kidnapping... Well, if that's what it takes to prevent him from being raped again..."
"I would have never thought... reason why you'd come here with him... unbelievable... But, Min-ah... What if Yoochun's mother doesn't know? Maybe she is in danger as well... After all, your father raped and killed your mother before your own eyes..."
And that's where Yoochun stops listening. His heart is thumping into his throat and he feels fear spreading as fast like a disease through his body. He still doesn't understand the word 'rape', but he did catch the negative connotations, and the word 'kill' is enough to send shivers down his spine.
Scared, he tries to shuffle back to his room as silently as possible. His heart is thumping so fast, threatening to jump out of his chest, that it's clouding his ability to think clearly. Yoochun has to save his mother. His mother, the person he loved the most in the world... How could he have been so irresponsible?! How could he have left her behind like this...
Yoochun changes into clothes as fast as possible, not even caring that he’s wearing his shirt inside out. His mind is in a chaotic state and he’s scared for his mother, too scared that Dongmin could have done something to her. He tries to walk as silently as possible to the exit, closing the door to his room behind him, as he tries to flee the house. He’s relieved when he sees that Changmin is still with Jaejoong, his place on the couch empty.
When Yoochun sees money lying on the table, he hesitates for a moment. The small boy doesn’t want to steal, doesn’t want to steal from Jaejoong who has always been nice and caring towards him nor does he wants to steal from his stepbrother who has had his mood swings but who also had nothing but good intentions for him. And yet... Yoochun knows he won’t be able to get anywhere without money.
Without giving it a second thought, he grabs the money lying on the table (a good 30,000 Won) and puts his shoes on. He opens the door as silently as possible, scared that it might creak, but to his relief the door opens soundlessly. When he finally closes the door softly, he lets out a relieved breath. And then, Yoochun is running, running downstairs to catch the bus or the first taxi he’s able to see.
~
“Thanks ahjussi,” Yoochun says as he hands the stolen money over to the cab driver. He realized he had been lucky that Jaejoong lived so close to a station, a place where cabs always were, no matter how late it was. The small boy hadn’t expected to find a cab at 6.45 am but he had been proven wrong and a friendly man had been willing to bring him to his address for 30,000 Won.
He’s running towards his house, his hands trembling when he sees the screen of the lock lighting up in the dark, encouraging him to press the right numbers for the passwords. His hands are trembling uncontrollably, scared that something might have happened to his mother, but at the same time Yoochun knows he has to be the courageous man for his mother. After all, when his father died, he had become the man of their family.
When the door finally unlocks, Yoochun just storms inside, not bothering to take his shoes off. He has already wasted enough time ever since the moment he had heard about his stepfather being a murderer and he wants nothing else but to get his mother out of this house. He steals a quick glance at his watch, noting that the time is 7.15. He’s relieved because that’d mean that his mother would be the only one in the house; Dongmin should already be at work, trying to arrange things with other companies as the CEO, and there might already be some maids busy with the house choirs.
Yoochun is glad to know he can get his mother out of here safely. Run away with her to a safe place where nobody would be able to hurt them.
He makes his way upstairs, to the room of his parents. Yoochun can barely contain his thumping heart and he’s almost running. He knows that he’s going to die for running around in house with his shoes on but he couldn’t care less. “Mom, mommy!” he says when he opens the door to her bedroom. “We’ve got to get out of he-”
His heart almost stops beating.
Before his eyes, his stepfather is kissing his mother passionately. She’s kissing him back, needy moans escaping from her mouth as she swings her legs around his waist, clinging onto him. He’s pressing her to the wall, thrusting deeply, fucking her against the wall. She bites his lip, not even bothering to look at the sound of her son coming to the rescue, her loose hair falling before her eyes when she turns her head to bite the neck of her husband.
Yoochun feels a possessive sting running through his body when he sees his father thrusting harder and harsher into his mother, his hands moving to touch her breasts, his mouth moving to devastate the smooth and creamy skin of his mother. The small boy doesn’t want anyone to touch his mother like this, he doesn’t want her to feel the same sickening disgust he feels every time after he had been used like a dirty tissue.
Yet, he doesn’t know what he should do in order for his mother not to go through the same pain.
Dongmin turns his head slightly to Yoochun’s direction, eyeing his son while he kisses his wife passionately and the small boy knows this daring glance of him. It angers him so much that he wants to run forward, wants to push the man off his mother, but he’s frozen to the ground when he finally hears his father speak, his low voice overpowering the soft and lustful moans of his mother, “Your son is here, Hana-yah. Shouldn’t we let him join our little party?”
Yoochun isn’t able to move a single limb when he sees his father slipping out of his mother, his mother moaning disapprovingly, before making his way to him. He can’t keep his eyes off of his father’s naked body, his rock hard penis pointing right at his face and the smirk on his father’s face. Yoochun can still feel the stinging pain in his ass from three days ago and that’s the moment where he decides he has to run, no matter what. That’s the moment where he realizes that his mother should have sided with him, should have protected him and yet, she did nothing.
His small feet started turning, started running towards the stairs to make his escape. He can hear his father panting behind him, his long legs taking long strides and Yoochun already knows he isn’t able to outrun his father.
He can feel strong arms around him, curling possessively around his small form, crushing his small body into a strong chest. Tears of fear fall down Yoochun’s cheeks when he feels his father’s erection brushing against his clothed bottom and he knows this is going to become bad. His cry for help, his cry for Changmin, dies somewhere in his throat when his father’s lips crushes on his.
Pairing: Changmin x Yoochun
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: When I close my eyes, they are mine.
Genre: AU, angst, drama, romance
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, rape, incest, underage sex, twisted parentship.
Summary: ‘I love you’ soon becomes a meaningless phrase for Yoochun. His mother takes him more and more often to those strange friends of hers, sometimes leaving him and sometimes watching while those strangers do those things to him. She tells him it’s normal, she tells him he has to do it in order to prove how much he loves her. So Yoochun complies.
When his mother gets remarried, she tells her son he doesn't have to prove anything anymore. Yoochun thinks this is the end of the uncomfortable experiences but he's wrong. Things escalate even more when his stepbrother comes back from the army.
Chapter 1 // Chapter 2
Chapter 3
The next day, Changmin is gone when Yoochun wakes up. He’s disappointed with himself as he had thought of several plans how he should get to know his stepbrother better. He had wanted to ask everything to Changmin the moment he would have seen him at the table, enjoying his breakfast. He had wanted to ask him how the army had been, if he felt proud for serving and protecting the country, how he had been as a child, what his favorite color was, what his dream house looked like, what his favorite animal was, his favorite number, his favorite idol and so many more things! He was so curious about so many things and he wanted to become a true brother for Changmin.
The dinner last night had been painfully awkward. Yoochun hadn’t dared to open his mouth, even though curiosity was burning inside him, afraid that he would ask too personal questions to his stepbrother. Yoochun also didn’t know how his stepbrother always behaved after a fight. The little boy always gave his mother the silent treatment when he lost one of their arguments and Yoochun was scared that he would thwart the plans of his stepbrother if he used to silence everyone as well. Thus, he held his mouth while he heard his mother attempting to make small talk.
He’s disappointed to find his stepbrother gone when he wakes up the next day. Yoochun is eating his breakfast absentmindedly and he knows that if someone were to ask him what he’s eating this very moment, he wouldn’t be able to answer that question. He tries to cover his burning curiosity when he asks his mother about the whereabouts of his stepbrother, his eyes are lingering on an advertisement leaflet, pretending to read it.
“He’s trying to get his life back on the rails,” his mother replies, her voice bored and Yoochun knows she isn’t really interested in what’s Changmin doing at the moment, “I guess he’s looking for an apartment to move into.”
Her answer stuns Yoochun for a moment. He had wanted to meet his stepbrother so badly, he had wanted to get to know him better, he had wanted to become a happy family. He hadn’t expected things to turn out this way... “Is it... is it because he doesn’t want to be with us? Is that why he got into an argument with dad yesterday?” Yoochun asks and even he can hear his own voice trembling, trembling with tears as he sees his own dream stagger, threatening to shatter.
“No, it’s not like that,” his mother shushed, “Changmin is twenty-three years old. He just wants to live on his own, become independent, study and find a girl to marry. You’ll be the same in eleven years. Dongmin said Changmin has a lot of difficulties readjusting to being in society again but that’ll eventually come. Just give your brother time to get used to normal life again and you’ll see he’ll be more accepting towards you.”
Yoochun had so many more questions. He wanted to ask if Changmin would really accept them if he didn’t know them, if he lived on his own and cut off all his ties with them. He wanted to ask if he’d never be able to know Changmin’s favorite color, his favorite idol or his favorite number. However, the glance in the eyes of his mother were enough to silence him. Her eyes were stern and cold and Yoochun knew she didn’t want to answer any more of his questions.
~
Yoochun thinks that he’s lucky when he’s able to catch small glimpses of Changmin. Sometimes, when he walks downstairs, he’s just in time to see his stepbrother leaving the house and he manages to catch a glimpse of the khaki color of Changmin’s jacket. Sometimes, when he’s lying in bed, being in a state where he’s drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness, he’s able to hear the faint sound of footsteps walking on the stairs and he knows that his stepbrother has finally returned home. And rarely, he got to exchange a few words with Changmin.
It’s four days after Changmin’s arrival that Yoochun finally seizes the chance to make some small talk with his brother. He doesn’t know how to start a conversation but when he finds his stepbrother alone in his room, studying some leaflets, he just knows he can’t let this opportunity go. He shyly knocks on the open door and when his stepbrother looks up, those big eyes piercing him, Yoochun feels the blood rushing to his cheeks.
“Errm...” he begins awkwardly, clearing his throat while he lets his eyes wander through the room. He has been into the room only a few times, secretly admiring the many awards Changmin had won for various athletic events but also for various events that required intelligence. The room is awkwardly silent with Changmin’s eyes resting on his face so the nervous Yoochun blurts out the first (and most unoriginal) thing that comes to mind, “What are you doing?”
Another silence.
Yoochun isn’t able to stand still, nervously fiddling the loose threads of his sweater, fidgeting, his eyes looking everywhere in the room except for the bed, where Changmin is sitting.
“I’m looking for an apartment,” his stepbrother answers after a short silence. Yoochun’s hesitating eyes find their way to Changmin’s face and he notices the eyes, softer and gentler than before, even though his voice remains cold. There’s another silence, one where Changmin focuses his attention again on the leaflets and the small boy doesn’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t know if the short answer is an invite to walk into the room but he guesses it isn’t.
“Can I... can I come in?” Yoochun really wants to bite his own tongue off. Was he a masochist? Did he like to have awkward conversations with someone who hated him before he even knew him? “I mean, I can give you advice. I can tell you if an apartment is nice or not! You know, I have a dream house... would you like to know about it? Later, when I’m really really reaaaaaally rich, I want to live into a big, biiiig house. It has to be white with a gray roof and it has to have many windows because I love the light! There will be multiple slides through the house so you won’t have to walk any stairs if you want to go downstairs. I want to live with mommy, with daddy and with you and we’ll become one big and happy family!”
Yoochun smiles triumphantly, staring happily to no particular point in the room while he thinks about his dream house. He had spoken so many times with Junsu about it and they both agreed on the slides part. That was definitely necessary in the most awesome house of the world.
For a second, he forgets he had been talking to Changmin. He doesn’t even realize the room has gone silent again with his stepbrother doing nothing but looking amused at him, a slight smile playing on his lips. “What? Did I say something strange?” Another silence where Changmin does nothing but look at him with amusement, his eyes slightly uneven. “Do I have something on my face? Have you forgotten who I am? Don’t worry, I’m no intruder! I’m Park Yoochun!”
The little boy is about to make a bow to once again introduce himself, thinking that it wouldn’t be strange if Changmin had really forgotten him since they had barely seen each other, but before he’s able to bow, a light chuckle startles him. Surprised, Yoochun finds himself staring at his stepbrother who’s freely laughing. “Geez, I’m not demented,” Changmin tries to take shaky breaths between his laughter, “You’ve already introduced yourself three times or something. I get it... I get it. You’re Park Yoochun, my stepbrother. You’ve heard many stories about me, you think we have a lot in common, I’ve heard it all. From you, from my father, from your mother. Geez, I think I could dream about your words by now. Fine, fine, tell me about your dream house then.”
Yoochun is astounded to see his older stepbrother patting on the empty place next to him while he uses his other hand to wipe away the tears of laughter. He’s frozen to his place for another few seconds before he’s moving his limbs to the empty place. He soon finds himself sitting next to his brother, his small frame next to the broad and muscular frame of his tan brother. A joyous smile is spreading on his face while he starts telling about the size of the rooms in his house, the wallpaper he liked to chose, his dream car parked before his dream house, the different colors of the slides and many more.
“You know... I almost forgot how it was to be like a child,” Changmin smiles when Yoochun finally leaves his room. The small boy doesn’t know if it’s good to feel like a child but he does know that the warm feeling spreading through his abdomen has nothing to do with feeling sad. Yoochun is happy that he’s become closer with his stepbrother ans suddenly, his wish of being part of one happy family doesn’t seem so unrealistic anymore.
~
Yoochun isn’t able to meet his stepbrother anymore after that day. Changmin is busy meeting up with friends, arranging social things like a new phone, reapplying for university and looking for a new apartment. Yoochun likes to think that his stepbrother is taking his advice about houses into consideration. So when Changmin comes home exactly eight days after his return from the army and announces that he’s going to live with his friend Jaejoong until he has found an apartment, Yoochun is astounded. Once again, he sees his dream, so close to becoming reality, shattering.
“Why? You don’t like it here? You don’t like mom and me?” he asks silently, his voice trembling with tears. It’s the second time they’re alone together and Yoochun is sitting on the bed of his stepbrother, staring to the ground as he feels his eyes sting with tears. “You can just... I don’t... I don’t want to be the reason why you and your father become separated...” he says, the words barely audible. Yoochun is too embarrassed to say these words but at the same time, he thinks the relationship between father and son is more important than his temporary embarrassment.
A bitter chuckle escapes from Changmin’s lips. “No. Don’t worry about it. I’d like to think my father has changed ever since I went to the army... but I realized I really can’t stand to live in the same house as him even if he has changed. It’s suffocating and my head feels like exploding... It’s not because of you but because of my father and the memories that keep haunting me when I’m walking through this house.”
Yoochun doesn’t know what to say after he has heard these words. They’re like riddles to him. He only manages to fake a slight smile and nod as if he comprehends everything though he wants to do nothing else but cry at the thought of his brother leaving, leaving him with an incomplete family. Leaving his wish unfulfilled.
“You have to tell me if my father is doing things that aren’t normal, okay?” Changmin suddenly asks. Yoochun looks into his big, round brown eyes and he has never seen this worried and gentle gaze in them. It surprises him. Changmin clears his throat nervously before he continues, hesitatingly, “He... hasn’t already... right?”
Yoochun finds himself too surprised to answer. He would have never expected these kind of questions from his stepbrother, these questions that were not about him yet seemed to be all about him. Had his stepfather done anything strange? “No, I don’t think he has... Unless you mean his strange habit of picking out the onions from his food while the onions are the most delicious part of the food?”
Changmin's tense shoulders relax and he bursts out into laughter. “You’re too... innocent,” he chuckles as he pats his little stepbrother softly on the head. “I guess... I was worried for nothing then.”
Those words make Yoochun glow from the inside. He’s happy to hear that his brother has started to care about him. The little boy feels like he can trust Changmin and for a moment, he almost opens his mouth to ask him how his childhood had been and if he also had such difficulties with proving his love for others.
However, Yoochun is still able to hear the faint voice of his mother in the back of his head, telling him that nobody would want to talk about it... It was like taking a dump after all. Yoochun doesn't want to make things more awkward with Changmin, especially not after he has finally started to warm up towards him. Talking about pooping wouldn't be the best subject for a non-awkward conversation.
The voice of his mother was followed by the clearer sound of the voice of his stepfather, slightly panting while whispering in his ear, “Don’t tell anyone about this. Not even your mother... She’ll be forced to choose between you and me and you know how much she loves the both of us. You don't want to ruin our family, right?”
Yoochun remembered he had nodded, his teary eyes fixated on the ceiling while his body was moving along with the slow but deep thrusts of his stepfather. He wanted to run, to scramble away, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get anywhere in life if he already wanted to run now... if he already wanted to flee from such a trivial challenge.
“That’s good...” Changmin says, his voice taking Yoochun back to reality. “I’ll be able to leave tomorrow without any worries...”
~
That afternoon, Yoochun doesn’t dare to steal any glances at Changmin’s room. He knows it's too tidy, he knows there's a big suitcase standing in the middle of the room and he knows the whole room is screaming that Changmin is going to depart soon. That Changmin is going to leave their lives soon, leaving Yoochun behind with an empty hole in his body where his family ought to be.
His stepbrother is gone for the evening, already busy with moving some big items to Jaejoong’s apartment. Yoochun tries not to think about it but the sharp pain in his chest is hard to ignore just like the urge to start sobbing like a crazy idiot. His mother is gone to salsa classes and his stepfather isn't at home either, something which surprises Yoochun. Dongmin had always been home on Thursday evenings especially after he had announced that they needed bonding.
Yoochun is bored and decides to go to bed, biting heavily on his lower lip to prevent himself from crying. He hated to be alone in the house.
~
“Yoochun...” a low voice is whispering into his ear. It’s a familiar voice but Yoochun isn’t exactly able to place it in his sleepy state where he tries to wake up but fails miserably, the heavy sleep pulling him back to unconsciousness. “Yoochun... my little son... At least you still care about your father... Please show me how much you love me.”
Yoochun is startled awake when he feels something big being put roughly into his mouth. His eyes flutter open but his heavy mind is still thick with sleep and he isn't able to process what's happening until he feels his father thrusting into his mouth. A muffled scream escapes from his lips, his eyes widening when he feels his father speeding up his pace.
It hurts too much. The movements of his father are disorientated and harsh without any care for the small boy beneath him. Yoochun finds his eyes pooling with tears when his father is thrusting quickly and deeply into his mouth, abusing every little corner of it.
He's gagging, gagging around the length that's pumping too fast in his mouth. He's completely caught off guard. The fast thrusting is taking all his breath away and Yoochun feels like he’s suffocating. Yoochun finds himself struggling, his small hands pushing weakly against the broad chest of his father, trying to create a space between them where he's able to breathe. However, the broad chest doesn't move along with his hands and Yoochun is sure he's turning a light tint of purple.
“Shh...” his father shushes and he wraps his big hands around Yoochun small one's, pushing them off his chest. “Don't cry, baby, don't cry.”
The low voice of his father is soothing but it doesn’t manage to calm his rapidly beating heart down. The cock slips out of his mouth, dripping with spit, as Dongmin leans closer to his face to kiss his falling tears away. Yoochun notices the heavy smell of alcohol when Dongmin's breath brushes against his skin.
Yoochun’s chest is heaving, heaving with the amount of air he tries to suck in. He doesn't even notice how hands are slipping under his shirt, lifting it before Dongmin leans down to kiss and bite the smooth skin, leaving hickeys where his lips touch.
Yoochun has long gotten used to it. He's able to shut his mind off while his father is doing these unpleasant things to him, his body on auto pilot. “I'm so glad at least one of my sons love me,” the panting voice of Dongmin continues to whisper things in his ear but the heavy smell of alcohol is unbearable and Yoochun has to use all his power not to turn his head away.
Dongmin is stripping him so fast that Yoochun doesn't even realize it, his thoughts somewhere far away, until he feels his legs being lifted. His hands automatically grip the back of his knees but Yoochun can't suppress the sudden fear flaring through him.
He's scared because his father is acting this harshly after he has drunk alcohol. Yoochun doesn't like the harsh treatment, realizing it's going to be too painful for him. He tries to relax his rigid body, knowing this is no moment to get nervous, but he's too late when he feels the length of his father intruding his entrance.
A scream filled with agony is leaving from Yoochun lips, his back arching and it takes all his strength to prevent himself from kicking his father. There isn't enough time to think around the pain flaring through his whole body and Yoochun finds himself crying, crying endlessly as he doesn't even know anymore where the pain begins and where it ends.
“Please... st-stop,” he whimpers softly, the pain choking him. His father is thrusting so fast, so deep and it hurts so much, his body doing everything to work the lump out of his body. He wants it to end so badly...
He hears his father moan above him and his moans filled with lust are contrasting starkly against Yoochun's soft whimpers of pain. The small boy feels so abused, so torn apart, that he can't even find the energy to struggle even if he wanted to.
He wants to throw up so badly when his father comes inside of him, his sperm filling Yoochun's small body. He wants to throw up so badly when his father finally slips out of him, his cock slick, but decides he hasn't ruined the boy enough. He wants to throw up so badly when he obediently opens his mouth, his whole soul breaking, and tastes the copper taste of blood mixed with sperm.
Yoochun finds himself begging, begging for this hell to stop but his begs are muffled by the lump in his mouth and he only hears his father hum in approvement when he feels the vibrations around his cock.
Yoochun feels so weak and powerless. He despises this side of himself...
And then, the lights go on.
He's still crying, sobbing endlessly around the length in his mouth, hurt ripping at every corner of his small body. Yoochun doesn't even know who has come into his room, his eyes squinting against the bright light, but he couldn’t care less either. He knows nobody is going to save him from this hard task everyone has to go through.
When the cock slips out of his mouth, Yoochun curls himself into a ball. His arms are hugging his knees protectively while he tries to make himself as small as possible, wishing he could disappear from this planet. Tears are running endlessly over his face, falling into the already soaked fabric of his pillow.
“What the fuck are you doing?” a cold voice asks. The voice is so thoroughly filled with disgust and hate that it sends shivers down Yoochun's spine. He had tried so hard to have that voice speak to him in a friendly manner... He didn't want to meet Changmin right now, not when he was in such a pitiful state where he looked so touched, so dirty and so broken.
“Changmin-ah!” the voice of his father exults, “Care to join us? At least this son loves me!”
A low growl escaped from Changmin's throat. That simple sound is so filled with anger and loathe that it makes Yoochun flinch, embarrassment filling his abused body. He knows Changmin hates him now... The small boy wants to open his mouth, wants to tell his stepbrother he had never meant to steal his father's love but his body is trembling too badly, his throat hurts too much and Yoochun knows he's going to choke on his never ending tears.
“Fucking asshole... I thought you had changed!” the words were followed by the sound of a punch and a moan of pain. “Put your useless penis back into your pants before I'm going to cut it off, bastard. Do you even have a conscience? You should be put into jail.”
Changmin's angry voice sent shivers down Yoochun's spine and he tries to make himself even smaller, knowing that this is all his fault... If only he hadn't started it all that very day... If only he hadn't wanted to make his father feel at ease...
“You're being an ignorant dog! How can you treat your father like this? I've raised you and you dare to punch me? I'll teach you...” Yoochun pinches his eyes shut, scared for what's going to happen. He has never heard two men this angry. He wants to stand up, to get up and stop the two men. He wants to apologize for his stupid actions but he doesn't even have the energy to force his voice to pronounce coherent words.
The sounds of a short fight follows, with fists making contact with skin and Yoochun is so so scared. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, more tears streaming down his cheeks and his body starts to tremble even more. He feels like a big mess, a mess who isn't even able to man up and stop the fighting men.
He's so scared when he hears a heavy body fall to the ground. When the weight slaps against the floor and there are no more sounds except for the huffing of the winner of the fight mixed with the sound of Yoochun choking on his own tears, footsteps move closer to his body.
“Hey... are you okay?” a hesitating but gentle voice asks and Yoochun knows it's Changmin. He doesn't want to open his eyes, too scared to face his stepbrother. He's too embarrassed with himself so he does the only thing he can think of: become a coward. Yoochun hugs his knees even tighter to his small chest, choking on his own tears as he refuses to speak to Changmin.
A sigh escapes from Changmin's lips as he moves closer. Yoochun can feel the tall body of his stepbrother hovering over him even with his eyes shut. “Is it okay... if I touch you?” the voice sounds hesitating once again and when Yoochun finally has the guts to open his eyes, he sees Changmin's hand hovering just above his skin, careful not to touch his abused body until he has gotten the permission for it.
“I'm... I'm s-s-sorry,” Yoochun cries. His voice is hitching, breaking and it doesn't even sound like his own. “I-I-I never... wanted to-to c-come between you and your-your father. It-it's all my f-fault.”
A low chuckle escapes from Changmin's throat. “Tch, you didn't come between us. My father screwed up a long time ago... It's not your fault, okay? Don't ever think that.” Changmin reaches his hand out and his soft fingertips make contact with Yoochun's cheek. The small boy knows it's meant as a sweet gesture but he flinches anyway, trying to shrink away in mattress.
“Sorry,” Changmin says, an apologetic look appearing on his face while he quickly pulls his hand back. “Fuck, you're such a mess.”
The words are followed by a silence, one where Changmin is hovering awkwardly over Yoochun’s naked body. The small boy is looking at his stepbrother, tears slipping out of the corners of his eyes, as he observes the movements of him. He feels so disgusted with himself, nausea spreading through his body and he wants to throw up so badly.
“Can you... can you walk?” the hesitating voice asks once again.
Yoochun wants to say something, answer his brother, but he can’t find his voice and he doesn’t dare to open his mouth, afraid he’s going to puke all over him. At the same time, he doesn’t want to say something either, scared that Changmin will be too disgusted by him. He remains silently in his fetal position, tears still running over his face. He shivers when a cool breeze brushes past his ass, realization seeping in that there had been liquid dripping out of his hole all along. Yoochun doesn’t know if the liquid was his blood or his stepfather’s semen but he finds himself gagging just at the thought of it.
“Shit, I’m going to touch you, okay?” Changmin says, distraught when he sees his father moving in his sleep. Before Yoochun can protest against it, he feels strong arms wrapping a thin blanket around his naked body, careful not to touch his skin.
“No...” he says, his breath hitching through his tears and he’s relieved to see that Changmin immediately pulls his arms back. Finally, realization seeps in and he knows he doesn’t want anyone to touch him when he’s in this kind of state. “I’m... I... just give me a moment, okay?”
Yoochun doesn’t know what’s wrong with him but he finally comes out of his fetal position, the blood rushing back to his arms and legs, before he stands up, attempting to make his way to the bathroom. However, he hasn’t even taken two steps or he finds himself flailing, his feet sleeping and the pain shooting through his spine too unbearable. Yoochun staggers but he already knows he’s going to end up on the floor so he doesn’t even fight it when his legs give out under his weight, preparing to take the fall with his body.
“Yah, watch out!” Changmin screams and Yoochun feels strong arms catch him. His surroundings become blurry and it makes his head spin and that only increases his nausea more. Before he can catch himself, he’s thrown up all over his caring stepbrother.
Well, hello there, as if things weren’t awkward enough already.
~
Yoochun feels bad when he finally sits in Changmin’s car. He had apologized at least hundred times and his brother had only shrugged though the small child was able to see the carefully hidden look of disgust painted on Changmin’s face. They hadn’t gotten the time to clean themselves properly as his stepbrother was in a rush to get them out of the house. Changmin had quickly scribbled a note for Yoochun’s mother before they had left and Yoochun couldn’t help himself but marvel over the neat and beautiful handwriting.
“Where are we going?” the small boy asks as he puts on his seat belt. He wants to do nothing else than get back into his protective fetal pose, hugging his own body to prevent it from falling apart, and sob his heart out. Yet, he doesn’t want to show his weak side in the presence of Changmin. Yoochun wants to appear as a strong person.
“Just give me a moment,” Changmin says and he’s already busy dialing a number while he starts the engine of the car. It was a nice car - a black and slick Jaguar - where Yoochun had sat in many times before. He had never realized that this car was Changmin’s as his father had always used it. Or maybe Changmin was borrowing it from him right now..
His stepbrother starts the car, navigating it to the road while he puts in his earphone. He starts to talk softly on the phone and Yoochun tries with all his might to decipher the words even though he’s fixing his eyes on the road. It’s very uncomfortable in the car with the slight stench of puke filling the space but Yoochun knows better than to say anything about it.
“Hi... it’s me. You mind if I’m going to sleep at your place tonight? Yeah, things changed a little bit... guess so. I’m bringing Yoochun with me... Yeah, my stepbrother. Ha-ha-ha, don’t try to become too funny, will you? No, something bad happened. What, you think I’d love to hold a slumber party at your place? I’m not crazy to bring a small child with me if there would be a party at your place, I know how sex-deprived you are even after you’ve fucked all the attractive women and men in Ibiza. Yeah... see you in a few minutes.”
Changmin pulls the earphone out of his ear and sighs as he fixates his gaze on the road. “We’re going to Jaejoong now. I hope you won’t mind... but I can’t let you behind, not after what has happened. I’ll apologize on behalf of my father... though I don’t think an apology is enough to make things alright. I can understand if you’re shocked with what happened today.” There’s a silence, one where Changmin steals some nervous glances at Yoochun but the small boy is only left more confused with these words. His mother had never said these things when he was younger.
Yoochun remembers the voice of his mother, a warm but distant voice, telling him, “Don’t cry, Yoochun. I love you. Do you love me too?” and he remembers his own broken voice telling her in an almost robotic tone, “I love you.”
Changmin’s words are so different than his mother’s, his voice is filled with real remorse though the small boy doesn’t realize the reason why since his stepbrother has no fault, and Changmin gives him so much room... so much room to breathe, to wrap his mind around the events, to think about what happened... Changmin’s words are a stark contrast against his mother’s, his mother who always tried to force the right words out of him.
“Don’t worry about it...” Yoochun finally manages to say and he’s proud to hear that his voice has regained its normal stability. His voice doesn’t sound as if it could break at any moment anymore, as if he could break at any moment anymore. He has finally managed to calm himself down, even though the disgusting and used feeling remains, and there has finally come an end to the tears that seemed to be endless. “There’s... there’s no need to blame your father. Please don’t hate him for this... I never intended to come between you two... Just give me a night of sleep and I’ve forgotten this.”
He tries to smile, tries to flash one of his fake smiles, but Changmin looks so astounded, so surprised but also... angry, that it makes Yoochun think his stepbrother can see right through his fake smiles. Nevertheless, he’s still smiling. Smiling because that’s all he seems to be able to do after having cried so much.
“Why are you... why are you saying these things?” Changmin says after a short silence. Yoochun is astounded by the question and his eyes linger to the face of his stepbrother, trying to read the emotions, but Changmin’s big, round eyes look cold. “Why are you thinking about other people when you’ve just been raped? Why are you ignoring your own feelings? Aren’t you... shocked? Disgusted? How can you forget this after a night of sleep? How are you even going to be able to sleep tonight?”
That’s the moment where Yoochun realizes he doesn’t understand Changmin at all. They’re on two completely different wavelengths... The small boy wants to open his mouth, wants to ask what ‘rape’ means, wants to ask why he would feel shocked and disgusted with showing his never ending love to others... He wants to say that this is just a phase where he has to go through, that he has to ignore his feelings for a short period of time - that he has to suffer for a short period - because he knows that he’ll be rewarded for his persistence on the long run.
However, he’s too scared to talk when he sees the aggression in the eyes of his brother and his mouth remains shut. The conversation ends with an awkward silence and Yoochun can do nothing but stare out of the window. His eyes go blank when he looks outside, the yellow headlights of other cars passing by, and it’s the first time since he has met Changmin that he realizes that maybe, just maybe, they were not that much alike after all.
~
When Yoochun meets Jaejoong for the first time, he's mesmerized by his beauty. When the door to the apartment opens, revealing the man living inside, Yoochun finds himself marveling over his smooth and creamy complexion, his big eyes brimming with innocent mischieve, his raven hair messy but glossy, his perfect nose high and straight, his lips full and rosy and his shoulders broad and muscled. He had never thought a guy this perfect could exist.
"Yah, calling your friend in the middle of the night... You should be glad I didn't have any plans for tonight," the walking piece of perfection says, frowning in Changmin's direction. Then, he turns to Yoochun, a friendly smile appearing on his face, "Hi, I'm Kim Jaejoong. Nice to meet you."
Yoochun's cheeks flush a bright red and he can’t think of anything coherently to say (because ‘what color of underpants are you wearing?’ isn’t something to ask anyone at the first meeting... it’s not really something you’d ask someone anyway). It was like his first awkward meeting with Changmin... Deciding that he has to make a good impression, the small boy bows deeply (he swore his nose almost hit the floor), and he stammers, "I'm Park Yoochun, it-it's nice to meet you too!"
"Enough with the introductory stuff," Changmin says, a bored tone painting his voice, "I really can't believe you're still able to talk about that. Really, I think everyone in Ibiza knows you right now. Knows you really really well..."
A light chuckle escapes from Jaejoong's lips and he gives Changmin a playful punch on the shoulder. "You jealous, bro?" when his friend answers with a scornful laugh, Jaejoong continues, "Anyway, enough about me or else we’d be standing the whole night on my doorstep... Please, come in."
~
Jaejoong lives in a small apartment. He has all the necessary space and room but if Yoochun had to be honest, he had actually expected lawyers to make more money. Jaejoong had declared he was just starting out as a lawyer, that he had just finished his study, but the small boy finds himself thinking secretly that Jaejoong isn't a good lawyer. Why else would he still be living in such a small apartment?
The apartment reminded Yoochun of one of their old apartments, one where he and his mother had lived after his father's death but before his mother had met Dongmin. The apartment had been theirs just after Yoochun had gotten the hard task to prove his love. It had been a lot better than their old and also worst apartment.
When Changmin tells him to take a shower, Yoochun can't help but protest that he has no clean clothes with him. It doesn't really become a big problem as Jaejoong puts some clean clothing in his hand and Yoochun embarrassingly notes that there's even clean underwear. Maybe he could have asked about his underpants color after all, seeing that they’re close enough to share the same underwear.
When the refreshingly cool water leaving the showerhead hits his tired body, Yoochun finally realizes how tense he had been all this time. He lets out a hiss as he relaxes his body. His mind involuntary flashes back to the events of the past few hours and only then does it really hit him. Only then does it hit him what the hell had just happened.
The pain shooting through his body is unbearable. Yoochun finds himself squatting, a desperate attempt to curl into a ball, to keep himself together, to prevent himself from falling apart. The cool water is falling on him, numbing his body but he doesn’t care. Tears are fighting a way to the outside and his eyes are stinging but Yoochun refuses to cry.
Today had been a Thursday, yes. Yoochun understood that this was a day where he always did these things with his father, this bonding. However, he had never expected that his father still wanted to bond with him that late at night. When he had been sleeping. When he had been so caught off guard.
Yoochun's fingers trail off, trail to his entrance where he can still feel it. He feels the crusts of dried blood, he remembers the feeling when his father filled him and he remembers the feeling of limping around, liquid trickling down his legs. Yoochun feels disgusted with himself, feels so torn apart, broken, and so powerless.
The tears he had been fighting finally find their way down, mingling with the cold water from the shower. The cold water makes him feel so numb, a feeling he’s welcoming, a feeling where he can hide himself into. A low hiss escapes from Yoochun's mouth when he puts his finger into his hole. It hurts, every abused nerve screaming to him to stop. Yet, the small boy knows this is necessary if he wants to feel clean. If he wants to feel cleaner.
More tears escape from his eyes when he puts in a second finger and he almost throws up at the thought that this is what every man had felt before intruding him. Before breaking him.
The small boy starts scissoring himself, ignoring the sharp sting of pain, and then carefully starts to clean his hole with the cold water. The whole thing fills him with nauseatingly disgust but he knows it's necessary.
~
"Where will you sleep?" Yoochun asks, his soft brown eyes looking at his brother. He knows how lifeless he sounds and looks, he knows how the whites of his eyes are slightly red, betraying how much he has actually cried, and he knows that Changmin sees everything, his own eyes soft and gentle but also filled with sadness and agitating hurt.
"I'll sleep on the couch today. Don't feel bad about it, okay?" an encouraging smile appears on Changmin's lips though his eyes remain sad. "You're more important to me than anything else." And Yoochun wants to believe him so badly, wants to drown himself in love so badly, wants to tell about his past so badly... But something in him tells him not to, tells him that Changmin is just saying things because he feels guilty about the actions of his father.
So Yoochun just smiles sadly and says, “Good night, hyung,” even though he knows he's too disgusted with himself to be able to sleep. Even though he knows he wants nothing but to be held protectively, to be protected against the hunting demons from the outside.
~
It's the third day staying in Jaejoong's house that Yoochun overhears something not meant for his ears. It's really early in the morning when he wakes up, his throat screaming for water. After debating with himself for a few seconds whether he should leave his warm and cozy bed or not, he decides to get some water to drink.
His head spins when he suddenly stands up, black spots dancing before his vision, as he feels the blood rush from his head to other parts of his body. After a few seconds, he's able to continue his path to the kitchen.
The last three days had been strange, so different from his usual pattern. Changmin had decided to call him sick for school which Yoochun hadn't minded, though he did feel bad for his friend, Junsu. Yet, Yoochun realized he could get to know his stepbrother better like this and even though his admiration for him had taken a few hits, it was still undying.
Jaejoong had proven himself to be a good guy as well, one who loved to bicker around with Changmin. The man would leave early in the morning and return late in the afternoon but he never complained. He still found the energy to answer Yoochun's questions patiently, to tease Changmin and to cook the most delicious food Yoochun had ever tasted. He had never expected someone to cook better than his mother but he was proven wrong.
Yoochun is surprised when he doesn't find his brother sleeping peacefully on the couch. Instead, he finds a mess of tangled and twisted sheets on the couch. Thinking his brother could have gone to the toilet, he ignores it and continues to walk to the kitchen.
He opens the door to the fridge and grabs the milk. After pouring himself a cup, he closes the fridge door and drinks the content eagerly. The soft taste hits his tongue, eases his dry throat and satisfied, he places the empty cup in the sink, knowing that Jaejoong-hyung would wash it when he wakes up.
He stumbles back to his room, still disappointed when he notices that his brother hasn't returned to sleep, but he's stopped in his tracks when he hears mumbling voices from Jaejoong's room. Yoochun wants to ignore it, wants to go to his room, but he swears he hears his name being dropped in the conversation and that's enough to peak his interest.
Curious, he puts his ear on the door, trying to decipher what Jaejoong is saying. Only then does Yoochun realize it's the voice of his own brother. "...can't believe it... acts as if nothing’s wrong... Jae, tell me... how is it possible for a child to behave this maturely? How can he still smile? How is he... to pretend like nothing has happened? What's wrong with him? Isn't he devastated? Doesn't he feel ruined? I can't even imagine the pain he must be going through and yet... he manages to smile."
"Shhh..." the voice of Jaejoong is soft, almost too hard to hear in comparison with Changmin's upset voice. "Maybe that's how he copes with it. I can't believe... your father... to such a young boy... sorry... asshole... should be put into prison... especially after what he did to your mother... can't let someone like that walk around and marry others..."
"I know what you're saying... I'm not intending to let him go... I know something... But Yoochun... you didn't see how lifeless, how broken, he looked that night... it was so bad... when I found them..." Changmin's voice breaks and it makes Yoochun cringe. He wants to get away, wants to stop listening to this intimate conversation but he isn't able to. His heart breaks just at the thought that Changmin is hurting... hurting over him. "He refused to... I don't think he realizes... Don't know what the hell they did to him... No, I swear... his mother... strange... I don't know if she knows about it... She called me yesterday, telling me to give her son back... said she would... police... kidnapping... Well, if that's what it takes to prevent him from being raped again..."
"I would have never thought... reason why you'd come here with him... unbelievable... But, Min-ah... What if Yoochun's mother doesn't know? Maybe she is in danger as well... After all, your father raped and killed your mother before your own eyes..."
And that's where Yoochun stops listening. His heart is thumping into his throat and he feels fear spreading as fast like a disease through his body. He still doesn't understand the word 'rape', but he did catch the negative connotations, and the word 'kill' is enough to send shivers down his spine.
Scared, he tries to shuffle back to his room as silently as possible. His heart is thumping so fast, threatening to jump out of his chest, that it's clouding his ability to think clearly. Yoochun has to save his mother. His mother, the person he loved the most in the world... How could he have been so irresponsible?! How could he have left her behind like this...
Yoochun changes into clothes as fast as possible, not even caring that he’s wearing his shirt inside out. His mind is in a chaotic state and he’s scared for his mother, too scared that Dongmin could have done something to her. He tries to walk as silently as possible to the exit, closing the door to his room behind him, as he tries to flee the house. He’s relieved when he sees that Changmin is still with Jaejoong, his place on the couch empty.
When Yoochun sees money lying on the table, he hesitates for a moment. The small boy doesn’t want to steal, doesn’t want to steal from Jaejoong who has always been nice and caring towards him nor does he wants to steal from his stepbrother who has had his mood swings but who also had nothing but good intentions for him. And yet... Yoochun knows he won’t be able to get anywhere without money.
Without giving it a second thought, he grabs the money lying on the table (a good 30,000 Won) and puts his shoes on. He opens the door as silently as possible, scared that it might creak, but to his relief the door opens soundlessly. When he finally closes the door softly, he lets out a relieved breath. And then, Yoochun is running, running downstairs to catch the bus or the first taxi he’s able to see.
~
“Thanks ahjussi,” Yoochun says as he hands the stolen money over to the cab driver. He realized he had been lucky that Jaejoong lived so close to a station, a place where cabs always were, no matter how late it was. The small boy hadn’t expected to find a cab at 6.45 am but he had been proven wrong and a friendly man had been willing to bring him to his address for 30,000 Won.
He’s running towards his house, his hands trembling when he sees the screen of the lock lighting up in the dark, encouraging him to press the right numbers for the passwords. His hands are trembling uncontrollably, scared that something might have happened to his mother, but at the same time Yoochun knows he has to be the courageous man for his mother. After all, when his father died, he had become the man of their family.
When the door finally unlocks, Yoochun just storms inside, not bothering to take his shoes off. He has already wasted enough time ever since the moment he had heard about his stepfather being a murderer and he wants nothing else but to get his mother out of this house. He steals a quick glance at his watch, noting that the time is 7.15. He’s relieved because that’d mean that his mother would be the only one in the house; Dongmin should already be at work, trying to arrange things with other companies as the CEO, and there might already be some maids busy with the house choirs.
Yoochun is glad to know he can get his mother out of here safely. Run away with her to a safe place where nobody would be able to hurt them.
He makes his way upstairs, to the room of his parents. Yoochun can barely contain his thumping heart and he’s almost running. He knows that he’s going to die for running around in house with his shoes on but he couldn’t care less. “Mom, mommy!” he says when he opens the door to her bedroom. “We’ve got to get out of he-”
His heart almost stops beating.
Before his eyes, his stepfather is kissing his mother passionately. She’s kissing him back, needy moans escaping from her mouth as she swings her legs around his waist, clinging onto him. He’s pressing her to the wall, thrusting deeply, fucking her against the wall. She bites his lip, not even bothering to look at the sound of her son coming to the rescue, her loose hair falling before her eyes when she turns her head to bite the neck of her husband.
Yoochun feels a possessive sting running through his body when he sees his father thrusting harder and harsher into his mother, his hands moving to touch her breasts, his mouth moving to devastate the smooth and creamy skin of his mother. The small boy doesn’t want anyone to touch his mother like this, he doesn’t want her to feel the same sickening disgust he feels every time after he had been used like a dirty tissue.
Yet, he doesn’t know what he should do in order for his mother not to go through the same pain.
Dongmin turns his head slightly to Yoochun’s direction, eyeing his son while he kisses his wife passionately and the small boy knows this daring glance of him. It angers him so much that he wants to run forward, wants to push the man off his mother, but he’s frozen to the ground when he finally hears his father speak, his low voice overpowering the soft and lustful moans of his mother, “Your son is here, Hana-yah. Shouldn’t we let him join our little party?”
Yoochun isn’t able to move a single limb when he sees his father slipping out of his mother, his mother moaning disapprovingly, before making his way to him. He can’t keep his eyes off of his father’s naked body, his rock hard penis pointing right at his face and the smirk on his father’s face. Yoochun can still feel the stinging pain in his ass from three days ago and that’s the moment where he decides he has to run, no matter what. That’s the moment where he realizes that his mother should have sided with him, should have protected him and yet, she did nothing.
His small feet started turning, started running towards the stairs to make his escape. He can hear his father panting behind him, his long legs taking long strides and Yoochun already knows he isn’t able to outrun his father.
He can feel strong arms around him, curling possessively around his small form, crushing his small body into a strong chest. Tears of fear fall down Yoochun’s cheeks when he feels his father’s erection brushing against his clothed bottom and he knows this is going to become bad. His cry for help, his cry for Changmin, dies somewhere in his throat when his father’s lips crushes on his.