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not sure
what happened to my last post. too depressing maybe? does lj censor sadness?
guess it was not worth the read.
whatever. -
this is what i did last night.
i was watching tv with cameron and getting more and more lathargic and dispondent. i was starting to self pity and i could feel th -
slightly disappointed
i used to be nervous about and reject the idea of moving alltogether. but then when cameron had an interview for a job out of state i looked up the area and almost got excited at the prospect of living there ( Read more... ) -
should i tell my husband
that i was thinking of letting go this weekend? that's stupid to do though, because i didn't let go. i suffered in silence like i do. it's just a lot harder than i thought to kick the thoughts that have so persistently been in my head for over a decade. he can understand that because i know he sometimes feels the same way. that's scary and i know ( Read more... ) -
him
i saw him last night. i was safe with cameron but he was still there closer to me than i will ever feel comfortable with. i thought it was all over. but now i am scared that i will see him again. i am not sure how to feel about this. i know i can't get sad. sadness won't help. but i am angry for still being in the same county as someone like him. i ( Read more... ) -
so i was reading through all my old entries here
and man i love the person i used to be. depression and whining and flaws and drama and all. i had passion then. i was fun to read then. whether i was right at the time or perfect is irrelevent. i was not always happy and i did have serious self esteem issues but at least i was writing ( Read more... ) -
i stopped writing
in this during college because everyone i knew had a xanga and they were making me post there and it got tiresome to post both places. and then there was facebook and myspace and this local kansas city thing... and then blogger. i still have a blogger that i keep a journal about my trying to be a healthy vegan but i have been come here more ( Read more... ) -
this is the essential part of life
hello world of disjointed teenagers and troubled young adults trying to find a place to make your name known... how i have missed you. ever wonder where the best parts of you went for so long ( Read more... ) -
i like the word connumdrum...
in a very shortly amount of time i will finally be a psychology major. no more shitty oak park high school run theatre department for me. i finally feel like i am making a decision for me. it's not about what my parents think or my brother... this is for me. and if i have to go to graduate school well then i guess i'll take that on too ( Read more... ) -
how i reinvented my eyes
there is so much to say. and i am never alone. there is always someone to talk to. but no one to hear the truth. ha... sadly, no one to speak it either. i stopped writing. there was no one left to read ( Read more... )