I'm going to try really hard tonight to have a good time.  No tunnel vision like always, no sitting staring at everyone dancing and drinking and wondering what the hell I'm doing there.  Tonight I will try really hard to dance like I want to.  I will laugh on que, I will kiss on que, I will sing on que.  I will blend into the anonymity of the early ( Read more... )

I don't know why I gravitate towards writing in this lately.  I mean, well, that's a lie.  I know very well.

Somehow it's like writing to you.  Look how I'm writing.  It's as if you could read this or hear my words outloud.  It makes me feel better to imagine that I'm writing to you.  Instead of writing to the anonymous internet it gives my words a ( Read more... )

I threw out your lighter tonight.

I've been carrying it around with me for weeks now.  But tonight I was driving home in the dark and I rolled down the window and threw it as far as I could into the snow.  Maybe someone will find it, but most likely no one ever will and it will get swept away with the slush and the mud when spring comes.

I like ( Read more... )

I can't wait until I don't think of you anymore.  I can't wait until I go a whole day without you popping into my head or my dreams.  If I could trade anything to make that happen, right now, I would do it in a heartbeat ( Read more... )

Days go by and hours pass
The clock ticks with my heart
Seasons form a year lovelorn
And dreams are torn apart.
Weeks turn into months and too
The leaves change into snow
Steadfast I cling onto you
And firm becomes me hold.
So constant is your memory
Your face is all I see
So when I look upon the glass
You're mirrored back at me.

This is crap. 
I can't seem to ( Read more... )

It's been 22 days ( Read more... )

This state of sadness is one I have no experience with.  I know depression.  I know that pain....but this, this dull throbbing that won't go away....I don't know this.

When does it leave?
Will it lesson with time?
Will it always hurt a little?

There are still things I want to say.

And there are still a million things I had no idea that I remember.  ( Read more... )

This is the time of winter I start seriously daydreaming about warmer places.  Somewhere out west, big and open and brand new to me.  Cross country driving with the windows down and warm air and sun ( Read more... )

This is unfinished but I'm putting it in here for now so I know where it is.  It's too cliche and sing-songy and I'll probably end up hating it and deleting it, but here it is anyway ( Read more... )

I was hoping the past week was the worst I'd feel but I was wrong because this is pretty bad.  I dreamt about him last night.  That was pretty bad.  But I figure if I can still keep breathing and get out of bed tomorrow again then it will get better.  At this point I'd like to smack the crap out of anyone that smiles.....about anything.  Especially ( Read more... )