I used to be a force. I used to make things happen. I was happy with my life because I made my life happy. But in the past 4 months or so, there are very few times I have been happy. And I said it was just a momentary setback until I passed quals. And I think it was for nothing ( Read more... )

Okay, so it's only the middle of December, but the next two weeks I will be locked up studying with maybe a few social breaks. Nothing interesting will happen, so I think I can look at the year I've had now. I went back and read my entry from January 1 last year. We toasted to 2009 sucking less, and mine certainly did not. Except for the summer ( Read more... )

It's funny. I have this list of things I want to be, values I want to attain: passion, patience, compassion, forgiveness, initiative, spirit, faith, confidence, kindness, and focus. And I think self improvement is the journey towards them. And I've realized this semester (and probably realized it because I've grown a lot this semester) that ( Read more... )

Knowing what to say to people going through hard times is not my strong suit.  All I can do is listen, which is usually good enough.  But, well, okay, maybe it's good enough.

Hugging though, not so good with the hugging.

 As a friend pointed out today, how we deal with the challenges, the hardest times.  Those are what make us.  Those are the moments who speak to who we are.  I think I needed a few days of sulking.  But I think I need to stop.  I think I need to show who i am.

And I think I need to reconnect with God.  But I'm still not sure how to do that.

I've been having a tough time and it's been complicated by my isolation.  I feel so alone, even when I'm with people.  I don't really have anyone I can talk to, at least not right now.  The people I usually talk to are 1) studying for quals or 2) don't seem to care/seem to be annoyed with me.  I've found someone I've been opening up to.  I really ( Read more... )

I don't ever do these, but here it goes:

1. What did you dream of being when you were a little child?
A meteorologist.  Yup, I was a nerdy kid.
2. What did you think you might become when you were between the ages of 12-13?
You know, I never knew what I was going to be.  But I liked math, but I didn't think you could have a job doing math, so I wasn't ( Read more... )

So I failed my comps.  Again.  I just ran into the grad coordinator and he apologized and said I improved over last time.  Awesome, well okay then.  That still means I Have a rough semester ahead of me.  But I'm trying a new approach, kind of like the approach I've had to running and swimming.  Do everything with a purpose.  Take breaks with a ( Read more... )

So I took a qual yesterday and I have another next Friday.  It's really hard to sit down and study today right after coming off of that.  But I need to, I'm not really planning on passing this one this time, but i need to feel prepared for it.  I need to practice for next time, which is my last chance to pass.  Basically, I need to go through this ( Read more... )

I've found I do well with reward systems... until I give up on them.  I'm currently working with one: I can watch an episode of TV for every practice qual I complete.  But I did 2.5 quals today and am quickly tiring of them, even though I'm several days behind in my studying ( Read more... )