Comments | syanorra: Violent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice

syanorra

Violent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice

Sep 27, 2007 00:04

Hello my name is Nikki, and I am an abuse survivor.
Here is my story.

( Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner. )

abuse survivor, public entry

Comments 44

collette September 27 2007, 07:38:59 UTC

I'm so sorry you went through all that. I'm glad you were able to get away and to be able to talk about it now.

syanorra September 28 2007, 01:19:46 UTC

It's surreal to think about now. When I typed that all out last night, I kept thinking to myself "no one is going to believe this !" Honestly, I'm sure there's stuff I've forgotten too, which makes it seem even worse ! I read it over last night and thought "HOLY SHIT ! How could I have stayed with him that long ?!" but I always kept thinking things would change. Clearly, they never did.

citizen_x_1936 September 27 2007, 08:03:12 UTC

That is horrible. Domestic abuse is NEVER ok. I like your charts and the other info. maybe this post will help others wake up to Domestic abuse and the pain it causes.

syanorra September 28 2007, 01:04:08 UTC

That's what I'm hoping, honestly. I know a few people who worry that they're seeing signs of the beginnings, and if my story can help *anyone*, then it's good.

LOL that and I was getting sick of people asking for details all the time. hahaha

quitecontraree September 27 2007, 10:49:19 UTC

*hugs* so sorry you had to go through all of that

syanorra September 28 2007, 01:24:42 UTC

So am I, but hopefully someone else will read this and it will help them. I've actually had people tell me that my story helped them get out of an abusive relationship ... that feels pretty good.

greener September 27 2007, 12:09:53 UTC

Good for you for not kicking him in the 'nards when you saw him a couple of weeks ago.

syanorra September 28 2007, 01:17:17 UTC

Believe me, I was sorely tempted. The only thing that really held me back was that I was physically holding Ciara. If I had met up with him when I was on my own, or even just with Wryan or anyone else, I don't know what I would have done, but I'm sure I'd probably be in jail or something !

bunnalina September 27 2007, 14:01:09 UTC

Wow...what a freak. You should have had him charged. I didn't realize how bad it was.

I can't believe you stayed with him for that long...but I guess people like that are very good at manipulating.

syanorra September 28 2007, 01:09:17 UTC

battered woman syndrome:
"the psychological, emotional and behavioural reactions and deficits of victims and their inablity to respond effectively to repeated physical and psychological violence (Walker, 1979).

Yeah, it's a real thing ... post traumatic stress, the four stages (denial, guilt, enlightenment and responsibility) ... I always told myself that he loved me and bought into his speeches afterwards. I always thought "he really means it this time", like I was holding out hope or something. Nothing ever changed, it only got worse. It sucks, and I feel so stupid now, but it was an amazing learning experience too ... hopefully I can be of help to someone now.