Vent Post: SAHM

[tabloidscully]

Comments

[seraphprowess]

I would never dare to make the mistake of even suggesting that you didn't constantly put everything you possibly can into everything you do, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your family. I'm glad that you were able to find the words to say this in your journal. I don't need to tell you that your feelings are valid, but just in case, know that your frustration and anger doesn't fall on deaf ears. You have both reason and right to feel this way, to be pissed off at others for attempting to judge you when they can't possibly know what it's like to be in your shoes

[tabloidscully]

Thanks, lady. Interestingly enough, I know the post wasn't directed at me, but it nevertheless upset me. Until I see evidence to the contrary, I generally assume EVERY person, regardless of whether they stay at home or work outside of it, is putting everything they can into making their family life the best they can. You know?

But it does stir up feelings because I've heard people comment similar things to me, and I realized that's what got to me, too. That even people in my own life don't understand just how damn lonely and isolating it can be to live this life. As I said in another comment, for me personally, the hardest part is both that I'm not financially contributing and that I can go days without seeing another person (that isn't related to me). It's a little too close to my mom's existence for my comfort.

As far as the blogs and such--I'll contact you via Facebook, okay?

[seraphprowess]

I also find myself lonely bc I go for days w/o seeing anybody but Amanda. I'm also consistently aware that my circumstances are of my own doing, and not carefully planned out, or planned at all. Not that I can "see" you, but I've got an open schedule, so feel free to call or text me at any time. My Skype username is the same as my LJ username. Maybe we can "keep each other company".

[tabloidscully]

Dude, we should totally Skype.

[alwaysamommy]

I've done both

[tabloidscully]

Your words are so true, I feel like I could have written them all myself as to the struggles facing SAHMs. Especially the alternating guilt and resentment for tasks around the house and the care for the children. And you're right that there are times where it feels like your health and sleep suffer because of SAHM duties.

I will say that's one thing that bothers me too--even when you're not a SAHM, someone has to be up with those kids. And it seems that even an overwhelming number of mom-friends I have who also work, well, they're tasked with the majority of the childcare there, too.

I know that no option is better or more ideal. Both sides are scrutinized and judged without good cause or reason. It's all so easy to say what's in the best interest for children that aren't ours.

[alwaysamommy]

Admittedly, I've been a SAHM more than I haven't, but I feel I have enough experience on the other side to stave off the people that claim SAHMs have it easy. They don't. Neither do WOHMs but often, a person doesn't have the experience of both sides, or if they do, it isn't for long so it's easy to judge a mom that stays home, as if she sits and eats bon bons all day. That's far from the truth, and if we are in our sweats eating bon bons by the truckload, it's because we're depressed and lonely because our WOHM friends don't bother to come around anymore and we're lonely and wish we had a friend outside of the computer.

[tabloidscully]

I often make reference to the bon-bon misconception, too. I don't know any SAHM who has it that easy. In fact, even after my mom had her nervous breakdown and rarely got out of bed before noon, she still made sure that dinner was had and the house was virtually pristine. That takes work. I do what I can and I'm pretty neat, but I'm a poor excuse of a housekeeper next to her, even at her worst

[idemandjustice]

I'm a SAHM, by necessity. If I had a choice, this is what I would prefer, but I don't have a choice. We'd lose money if I was working a day-job

[tabloidscully]

I'm admittedly bad about leaving the house. Part of this is due to the fact I don't reliably have transportation all the time. With just one car for us, it's difficult, as well as not really having the money to do much. I wish we had a local zoo

[northernwalker]

I never quite believe people who do the "it's all rainbows and puppies" routine in the first place, so I'd personally rather people be honest about how they feel. Yes, there's a line where it turns into navel-gazing or first-world problems, but I think you stay well on the right side of the line, FWIW.

[tabloidscully]

Well, and I know on Facebook, everybody tries to put their best facade forward. Nothing makes me get down on myself as a mother or as a person as quickly as reading other people's virtual lives that depict it's all rainbows, all the time, because it never has been with me and it never will be. I'm just not, by definition, a particularly happy person

[northernwalker]

Navel-gazing means being totally self-absorbed and narcissistic. Someone who spends all their emotional time on themself, without considering how their behavior affects others.

And don't get me started on Andrea Yates- I firmly believe her husband should have stood trial too. He knew she was unstable at best and left their children in harm's way.*cranks rant switch to off with difficulty*

You're right though, that being told a complaint isn't valid doesn't make the issue go away. A sprained ankle may hurt less than a broken leg, but that doesn't make it better.

[bestdaywelived]

I have a close friend who is Mormon and was sort of pressured into becoming a SAHM once she became pregnant. It's a cultural thing for her, but she struggles with it; she loves her life and her kids, but also is struggling with feeling like she's worthless because she's not "doing anything" and she sees so many other women working and accomplishing things. She left school after her AA in order to save money for her husband to finish dental school, which I get.

I just think that society sets up a system where women are punished for anything we choose.

[bestdaywelived]

I should also say that I think having children and raising them well is an accomplishment in and of itself.

[tabloidscully]

Well-said. It's sad that women are punished for anything that they choose, but it almost seems like that's the case across the board for everything they do.