It reminded me that today is the worst day to be born.  Wished parents 38 years ago practiced safe sex.  We'd be in a much better world.  A Death Day to you, bitch.  Please die.

*deleting a birthday reminder*

Lady Gaga was there, with all her props. I noticed she had a missing tooth as she performed ‘Telephone’ with Beyonce, who was wearing a cheap two piece number, fake hair, and fake lashes. She stood 5’ 4” which already included killer stilletos and her huge belly spilled over her bikini.

Then Regine Velasquez performed, flawlessly. But that was ( Read more... )

Or was it fake teeth, tormented dentist girlfriend, stained past?
Or was it tormented teeth, stained dentist girlfriend, fake past?

Whatever it is, sounds like an ugly gay story of the provincial kind.

 'Could you just not breathe?'

- Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her

When you're born and reared in a city that manufactures cement,  somehow the anhydrous powder substance gets into your brain, and you develop a hollow block in your head; sticks to your teeth and you get ugly grey porcelains; reaches your heart and turns it to brick ( Read more... )

You were so daft to to go around telling people on June 2006, when you were already a fat and balding 33-year old,(and still a closet case),  that you discovered something you thought we didn't know, which you described in your limited vocabulary "Asteeg"

A coffee infuser.  Pakshet. What dat is?


( Read more... )

Don't take yourself too seriously.  No one ever will.  You're in the profession of selling vinegar.  Heck, I've sold more stuff than you ever will, from anti-lice shampoo to Vidal Sassoon, from fastfood to dog food,  from grass to glass, and got plenty of accolades along the way.  And I still think I'm silly.

 Grow up and make your fucking mama proud.

 Dear Fat Ugly Closet Queen ( Read more... )

 Kid (waving a pack of condom at his parents):  Mom, I found this in your room.  What is it?

Mom (momentarily stunned, looks at Dad):  It's a medicine tablet, dear.

Kid :  It's an enormous tablet!

Dad (whispers to mom): At least it's enormous.