[OOC] I HAVE ARRIVED
Character: Death
Series: Discworld
Age: He has existed since the moment the universe opened its doors for business and the first one-celled customer shuffled in. So... "really old".
Job: Chief Overseer of Life Force Management
Canon: Somewhere... There is the Discworld, a flat world supported on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the shell of a giant world turtle. I could spend all day talking about the Disc (no, really, I could), but for now I'll just point out that it's a place where belief has power. If enough people believe that, for example, Death is personified by a seven-foot-tall skeleton with a scythe... then he will be.
And he is. Death's duty is to collect the souls of those who have died, allowing them to go on to their afterlife. (Canon has shown us that if he doesn't, the life force of those souls will remain in the living world, where it will inevitably cause havoc.) Space and time are largely irrelevant to him, magic is largely ineffective, and on the whole he'd just be a big bag full of god-mode if he didn't always play by the rules. Despite his intimidating appearance, Death is never cruel, only calm and steadfast in adherence to his Duty (though he can, on occasion, be provoked). Over the centuries, he has grown curious about humanity, to the point of emulating them in some ways -- although he isn't naturally aware of many things humans take for granted. He even once adopted a human child. This turned out about as well as you might expect.
And yes, he always talks like this. It's the best way we've found to represent speech that goes straight to your brain without saying hello to your ears on the way.
Sample Post:
I can certainly see why my presence was requested. Well, of course, I am everywhere, at all times. But at this moment, specifically, I am here in... "Camp Fuck You Die". What a charming name.
And what an astonishing level of life force has built up here. Buildings, furniture, aspects of the landscape, these "laptops" that are handed out; all seem to have developed not only life, but a particularly malicious form of intelligence. Even my scythe chose to express an opinion on the matter, shortly after I arrived. I am certainly not accustomed to arguing with my own tool... and I must say I don't understand why it finds my choice of wording so funny.
This build up also seems to be the cause of my domain's... impermanence, so to speak, within the camp. All these resurrections and reincarnations... I do not wish to name any names, but certain campers' hourglasses have put me in mind of an epileptic glassblower. And then, of course, there are the zombies. Understand, I have nothing against zombies in concept, but I was previously unacquainted with the variety that consumes human brain matter. On reflection, I would have preferred to remain so. You there, the tall zombie at the front of the group. Have you anything to say in your defense? ... "Come closer"? Very well. Now, what is it you wish to --
... Please remove your teeth from my pate. This is quite undignified. It's not as if you are even capable of harming me -- and no, I'm afraid it isn't just a matter of gnawing harder. Even if you managed to break my skull open, you would not find...
I am beginning to lose my patience. Heed my words: I have been tasked with a Solemn Duty. I am here to help return balance to the natural order of this dimension, and I shall start with you. Your rotted bodies shall return to the earth, and the artificial masses of life force that pass for your "souls" shall be permanently returned to the cycle.
Now. If you would all line up in an orderly queue...
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94% what? No seriously. WHAT?
Series: Discworld
Age: He has existed since the moment the universe opened its doors for business and the first one-celled customer shuffled in. So... "really old".
Job: Chief Overseer of Life Force Management
Canon: Somewhere... There is the Discworld, a flat world supported on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the shell of a giant world turtle. I could spend all day talking about the Disc (no, really, I could), but for now I'll just point out that it's a place where belief has power. If enough people believe that, for example, Death is personified by a seven-foot-tall skeleton with a scythe... then he will be.
And he is. Death's duty is to collect the souls of those who have died, allowing them to go on to their afterlife. (Canon has shown us that if he doesn't, the life force of those souls will remain in the living world, where it will inevitably cause havoc.) Space and time are largely irrelevant to him, magic is largely ineffective, and on the whole he'd just be a big bag full of god-mode if he didn't always play by the rules. Despite his intimidating appearance, Death is never cruel, only calm and steadfast in adherence to his Duty (though he can, on occasion, be provoked). Over the centuries, he has grown curious about humanity, to the point of emulating them in some ways -- although he isn't naturally aware of many things humans take for granted. He even once adopted a human child. This turned out about as well as you might expect.
And yes, he always talks like this. It's the best way we've found to represent speech that goes straight to your brain without saying hello to your ears on the way.
Sample Post:
I can certainly see why my presence was requested. Well, of course, I am everywhere, at all times. But at this moment, specifically, I am here in... "Camp Fuck You Die". What a charming name.
And what an astonishing level of life force has built up here. Buildings, furniture, aspects of the landscape, these "laptops" that are handed out; all seem to have developed not only life, but a particularly malicious form of intelligence. Even my scythe chose to express an opinion on the matter, shortly after I arrived. I am certainly not accustomed to arguing with my own tool... and I must say I don't understand why it finds my choice of wording so funny.
This build up also seems to be the cause of my domain's... impermanence, so to speak, within the camp. All these resurrections and reincarnations... I do not wish to name any names, but certain campers' hourglasses have put me in mind of an epileptic glassblower. And then, of course, there are the zombies. Understand, I have nothing against zombies in concept, but I was previously unacquainted with the variety that consumes human brain matter. On reflection, I would have preferred to remain so. You there, the tall zombie at the front of the group. Have you anything to say in your defense? ... "Come closer"? Very well. Now, what is it you wish to --
... Please remove your teeth from my pate. This is quite undignified. It's not as if you are even capable of harming me -- and no, I'm afraid it isn't just a matter of gnawing harder. Even if you managed to break my skull open, you would not find...
I am beginning to lose my patience. Heed my words: I have been tasked with a Solemn Duty. I am here to help return balance to the natural order of this dimension, and I shall start with you. Your rotted bodies shall return to the earth, and the artificial masses of life force that pass for your "souls" shall be permanently returned to the cycle.
Now. If you would all line up in an orderly queue...
------
94% what? No seriously. WHAT?