The Prank

[zia_montrose]

Part I

Title: Prod the Knot
Word Count: 897
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama

Summary: (Missing Moment as outlined in Prisoner of Azkaban) Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to Transform. Sirius thought it would be-er-amusing to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree

Comments

[duck_or_rabbit]

I think your dialogue is ideal for young boys, young boys full of tension, at that. Here are some examples of where Severus and Sirius really emerged for me:

“I went out for a little walk,” he mocked, eyes glittering dangerously from between shrouds of stringy black hair. “Or is Lupin the only one allowed to rove the grounds at this hour?”

Lupin? Had he seen-?

“At the full moon,” Snape purred.

and

“Five minutes?” he bartered, raising his eyebrows hopefully. “I’ll be right up,” he hastened to add.

And the detail about the torches flickering in their brackets unfolded into a fabulous picture!

Edited to remove words and add punctuation.

[zia_montrose]

I've never written Snape before and he's a tricky sort to try to get into the head of, so I'm really glad you cited his dialog in particular. Thanks for letting me know! : )

[shimotsuki]

This works so, so well on many levels. I have to echo duck_or_rabbit and say I was really struck by how natural the dialogue feels. Having the initial conversation with James be cut off and then resumed is a great way to build suspense, too.

And I really like the way you set up Sirius giving away the secret of the knot to Snape. Granted, I'm an unrepentant Marauder fan, but I always thought the only way Sirius would have let such an important secret slip is in a moment of hotheaded anger. And your version of the Prank makes it clear -- Never in a million years would that little scab have been sorted Gryffindor -- that Sirius doesn't actually think Snape is going to take his dare, making his indiscretion that much more plausible (if really, really stupid, heh).

[zia_montrose]

Granted, I'm an unrepentant Marauder fan
LOL on that phrasing. Me too.

I always thought the only way Sirius would have let such an important secret slip is in a moment of hotheaded anger
We're in agreement there; that's totally how I like to think of it.

if really, really stupid, heh
LOL and spot on again.

I was really struck by how natural the dialogue feels
When I first picked the pen back up a few years ago, dialog was one of the hardest things for me to write, so it's really nice to hear that I've made improvement on a previous weakness!

As I mentioned to

[werewolfsfan]

Oh, yes! This has the feel of absolute canon to me. I don't believe Sirius had a thought out plan to murder Snape! And I've never believed that the Marauders bullied Snape or even Slytherins exclusively. Hogwarts is a school full of adolescents with magic wands, energy, rivelries (that are encouraged!) and instruction books! I would imagine what made the Marauders special and admired was the creativity of their mischief vs. perhaps the outright malice of some like Snivillus.
Excellent writing as well!

[zia_montrose]

Oh, thank you for your review! After being out of town all weekend, it was a treat to come home to.

I don't believe Sirius had a thought out plan to murder Snape! No, I don't either. :) I like to think of his "Why don’t you go find a long stick, prod the knot on the trunk..." as an anger-induced, poorly thought-out version of "Why don't you go &%$# yourself"

I also like to think he was too loyal of a friend to Remus that if he'd really thought about what he was giving away, he wouldn't have done it. But Snape seemed to imply that he already had it figured, anyway.

I would imagine what made the Marauders special and admired was the creativity of their mischief Oh, I think that's true! Even if they got a little carried away at times. ;)

Thanks much for reading.