I have clearly had a minor obsession with the notion of and practice of pedophilia lately. I didn't think much of it when I saw Lolita on a friend's shelf and decided that I was really craving for that book. In Lolita, I was shocked by some of the candid sexual writing about very young girls, and the honest desire of youthful sexuality. Humbert ( Read more... )

lately I have been spending a lot of time doing things that seem like a complete waste of time - entertainment for its own sake, killing time, getting caught up in things - and have slight glances at the possibility of feeling guilty about it. but these glances don't last long because i end up having a bigger picture moment where i realize that ( Read more... )

I feel like my heart was hanging on 7 strings in my chest. Seven ( Read more... )

of course this is not a new topic for me in any way. not only have i been living with it since i left the womb (i assume since i do not have any direct memory of this, i feel it in all of my will), i have also either used it as a topic or had it as an underlying topic for everything and anything that i've ever written and created otherwise ( Read more... )

i've always thought of bruises, bite marks, soreness and other discomforts that may come as an aftermath of a good time as great souvenirs to take with you and use to remember. but, i guess i never considered rug burns.....

i like the rest of them better. this shit sucks.

1) i don't want a baby, i never wanna have kids, i hope and pray to jesus that i will never get pregnant, BUT i kinda wanna give birth just to see if my period cramps are similar or the same as labor pains. i have heard that this is true. the only way of finding out is to actually give birth. so, i guess i will never know. but, i will continue to ( Read more... )

there are certain patterns in my life that occur incessantly. over and over and over again. i have been predicting events since consciousness. i've come to the realization that by expecting that these patters will occur probably perpetuates their occurrence. life is not a pattern. i am not a pattern. i feel like once i realize that, i gain a ( Read more... )

I came home last night exhausted from work (both of them) all day, and just the hotness, and riding home and me and chris are laying in bed, he's falling asleep and I decide to just check my email before going to bed cause I had emailed my supervisor earlier on in the day with a survey I had written trying to get her help to get it out in the ( Read more... )

i found your "camera lucidia" in english at a used book store in nyc yesterday. it was thrilling. on so many different levels. you were the beginning ofmy experience with theory - you took my virgin intellect and warped it into something obscure, uncomfortable, even dirty on some levels ( Read more... )

a major issue with me, as you might have read if you've been keeping up, is attachment. this is the major reason relationships scare the fucking crap out of me. because i have a problem with becoming too consumed and all-consumed and tend to ignore myself and what's important to me and put all of my energy into the other person and the needs of the ( Read more... )