#91: Fix You [2/7]
===
When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
===
‘KRIS WU YIFAN - IRENE BAE JOOHYUN ENGAGEMENT CEREMONY | STAFF PASS’
He shifts on the bench he has been sitting on, reading the fancily designed off-white pass card for the upcoming elite and intensely guarded engagement party - it’s said to be the fanciest ceremony in the town for the year. He flips the card back and forth, examining every single detail.
“Just like a golden ticket, huh.”
He looks up, finding his friend is towering over him with a grin. “I’m not sure, man,” he laughs as he looks at the card again, “won’t it be like any other ceremonies we’ve played in?”
“Are you serious, Huang Zitao??” Baekhyun shrieks. “This, my man, is the engagement ceremony of Kris Wu, the one and only heir for the Chairman throne of Wu Enterprise; it’s going to be packed with hundreds of upper-class men and women who either will not pay attention to you because you’re doing good or torture you mentally because you do something visibly stupid. This is the biggest shit we will ever deal with so far. Mistakes are going to be the eighth biggest sin.”
Tao blinks at Baekhyun. “Whoa, now I’m freaking out.”
“No, no, you are going to the amazing.” Baekhyun points at him, stepping aside as a guy excuses himself to sit on the other end of the bench - hopefully he won’t be scared by Baekhyun’s high-pitched voice. “You have to be amazing for the sake of the entire orchestra, Tao. For once in a while, the piano will be the one that holds your life, not the other way around.”
“That sounds… stressing.” Tao frowns, staring at the card again. “Should I pass it to Seulgi th - “
“What??? No!! What the hell are you talking about?!” Baekhyun takes the card off of Tao’s fingers forcefully and shoves it ‘gently’ into the pocket of his jacket. Tao almost laughed when the guy at the other end flinches in shock from Baekhyun’s dolphin scream. “You’re going to keep the card, and come to the practice tomorrow, you understand? Big shit, Tao, big shit.”
“Big… shit.”
“Big shit!” Baekhyun huffs. “Now excuse me because stupid Chanyeol has been texting me just to tell me to hurry up. Geez, Seoul is such a big place, does he really expect me to be home by like five minutes?”
“It’s your fourth anniversary though. Maybe he’s already eager to do something with you…?”
“Yep, something, something that you shouldn’t be wondering about.” Baekhyun pinches Tao’s already thin cheek before he walks away. “See you tomorrow, peach.”
Tao is left alone again; if the guy at the other end of the bench was not going to be counted. He stares ahead, at the gleaming surface of Han River under the light of four p.m. sun, before he fishes out the card and stares at it again. “What’s so great about it?”
“Yeah, what’s so great about it?”
He immediately looks to his side, frowning at the stranger. “Excuse me?” he muses up. The stranger’s face is hidden under his navy blue baseball cap, which is so contrast together with the angry blonde locks peeking out at the sides and the back of his head. He then notices that the stranger’s outfit is mostly in navy blue, from the jacket, to his jeans, and lastly the pair of sneakers on his feet. And wow, what a pair of long legs in -
“Let me tell you,” the stranger speaks up and Tao realizes that he has been staring blatantly, “the big shit won’t be fun.”
Tao, instead of feeling annoyed because some stranger decided to talk to him as if they’ve known each other for years, smirks as he leans back on his seat. “Oh really?”
The stranger nods, face still hidden. “There will be a lot of animals there. Not people, but animals. Ones that love to suck on whatever they can find in order to keep their life on the clouds. Snakes can’t even compare to their ability in changing their skin in every occasion where they need it. What a bunch of annoying animals. And the guy who will be engaged,” the stranger points at the card between the frictions of Tao’s fingers, “is the saddest animal of them all. Like an alpha in a wolf pack, surrounded by many, but howls alone in the middle of the night.”
An alpha in a wolf pack, Tao repeats in his head, failing to see the connection. And instead of asking how does the stranger know the party - or if they’re talking about the same party at all, Tao nods in acknowledgement towards him. “So… you’re suggesting that I shouldn’t come?”
Thinking for a while, the stranger tsked as he tilts his head, feeding Tao the sight of his perfectly sculptured jaw. “The food will be great, though.” he chuckles. “Just come for the food.”
“Why do you know so much about the party?” Tao points out. “It’s like you’re the one to be engaged instead.”
Surprisingly not to his surprise - because Tao’s got this superstition thing about being able to feel something particular coming up - the stranger smiles, but rather bitterly. “Yeah.” he mumbles. “Would’ve been cool if only I am not.”
Tao holds his breath, trying hard not to gasp and end up looking like an idiot. No, this man can’t be him. Isn’t he supposed to be wearing suits and stuff? And does he really have such free time, strolling along the side of Han River in the early evening while he has a lot of things to take care of? But, Tao’s eyes linger at the tiny tuft of blonde at the side and the back of the stranger’s head, this kind of blonde is -
“Nice talking to you.” the stranger smiles, albeit genuinely but rather awkwardly, before he stands up from the bench, still looking at the gaping Tao. “Please do come to the party, though. I promise the food will be great.”
Tao can’t even nod or say yes as he watches the stranger turns around and walks away from him casually. But one thing that he notes first as he watch the slightly hunched shoulder furthering away from him is that -
- Kris Wu is really tall.
===
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
===
The engagement ceremony is being held on the thirty fifth floor of BW Tower, not actually the tallest in town but is surely one of the fanciest there is. At the staff room, Tao is checking his own appearance in the mirror while the others are busy shuffling behind him; Baekhyun is fanning himself although the air conditioner is already at its coldest degree, violin resting abandoned on the couch next to him, while Chanyeol carelessly picks on the strings of his big, dark brown cello. He was staring in boredom at his short black locks when Minseok, the conductor, comes next to him and hands him the rundown of the songs they’re about to play today.
“We’ve got an additional sheet.” Minseok says, slightly tense. “Apparently the male fiancé-to-be loves Yiruma’s piece of River Flows In You a lot, and the female fiancé-to-be asked me to slip the song for the time slot where they will be walking together to the front podium to exchange rings. Supposed to be a surprise.”
Hearing the mention of the male fiancé-to-be, Tao can’t help remembering their encounter a week ago. Does he still remember him? Maybe not, considering how he is just a very tiny speck in that person’s memory. But what gives him this weird, fuzzy feeling inside his stomach is that Kris Wu shares the same favorite piece with him. “Okay then. We’ve played it last month, it should be enough for us later, right?”
Minseok nods. “I’m going to ask the others if they’re good with it. We can’t make any mistake today, Tao.”
“I know.”
Baekhyun, in order to fight his anxiety away, asks Tao to accompany him to the restroom. Tao agrees since it’s still around forty minutes until they need to start preparing with their music instruments. Once they found the restroom, Tao sends the restless Baekhyun away as he waits at the other side of the wall in the corridor, near the door to the fire exit stairs. And good thing that he is not a noisy person because he was about to open the door when he hears someone, or maybe a couple, arguing at the other side.
“ - thought we’ve passed through this thing, Sean.”
“Sean? I’m Sehun. Why are you calling me with that name, Joohyun noona?”
“Don’t call me that. It’s Irene to you.”
“Since when did you become Irene to me and I become Sean to you?”
“Since I was signed to become your sister-in-law.”
Tao hardly holds his gasp. He can’t believe what he just heard. So at the other side of the door is Irene Bae and Sean Wu. Sean Wu Shixun.
Kris Wu’s half-brother.
“Why do I feel that you want this engagement too, noona? You said you love me - “
She said what???
“ - but you look so happy that you’re going to be married off with hyung. Wow. What a waste of years believing that I’ll always be the one who own your heart - that we will actually have something in the end.”
“Stop this, Sehun. Just - stop.”
He is too immersed with looking at the door as if he can see through it, too immersed that he barely realizes that someone is joining him, listening to the conversation as well. And when he recognizes who the person is, he almost gasped loudly.
Kris Wu is also eavesdropping to the convo.
“Sehun, I told you, this is something that even I don’t have any control of. The engagement was made years before you even came to the family, before you were confirmed as Chairman Wu’s legitimate child. I was already meant to be married to Yifan even before you were discovered. What do you expect?? Me turning into a riot against my parents?”
Tao’s eyes widen, and he unknowingly stares at Kris, but the other is smirking at him instead, as if he’s not affected by the fact that his future wife since forever was and still is involved in a love affair with his half-brother.
“You know what? I take it back. You can call me Sean or whatever. Don’t call me Sehun from now on, it will only remind me of how I used to be stupidly in love with someone who I thought would fight for the both of us hard enough. See you at the party.”
A silence.
“I’m pathetic and I know it, noona. For loving you even until now. I’m pathetic, and I’m brave enough to admit it. What ‘bout you, huh?”
Then the door bursts open, and a guy that he guesses to be Sean Wu walks past him in hurry. He then hears a faint sound of sobs, and then realizes that Irene Bae must be crying on the stairs. He searches for Kris again, and what he sees, although only for a few seconds, is a face of someone who is in a dilemma between being sympathetic and being resentful instead.
Kris wears his casual façade again and sighs. “Do you mind if you leave?” he whispers, asking in a polite way. Tao immediately nods and walks away from the scene, trying not to make even a single sound. Right at the moment Baekhyun walks out of the restroom, and Tao snatches his arm and literally drags him away.
His heart is still thumping hard even after they’re secluded inside the staff room once more.
==
Irene Bae walks into the hall, hand in hand with Kris Wu, wearing a bright smile on her rosy lips.
They got the cue to start playing Yiruma’s River Flows In You about ten seconds before the enormous door was opened to reveal the hero and heroine of the day. Tao snorts silently as he sees Irene Bae throwing smile here and there. Upper-class people are always so good at acting; honesty is equal to self-destruction. There’s no trace of the crying young lady behind the fire exit door.
He steals glance at Kris, who is apparently asking something at Irene Bae as they are nearing the podium, and Irene Bae grins at him in return. Maybe the conversation went like; ‘did you get them to play this?’ ‘of course, this is my surprise for you’. Ew.
Sean Wu, though, is having a hard time keeping his composure. It’s the time when both parts are going to exchange their engagement ring, so the orchestra is put to hold. Tao watches secretly as Sean Wu starts to slowly step backwards, disappearing second by second, and by the moment Kris slips the shiny golden ring into Irene Bae’s ring finger, Sean Wu flies through the back door.
Tao sighs. It must be tiring, being stuck in that kind of relationship where love is not enough to make everyone happy. He feels nauseous inside as he sees Kris and Irene Bae kiss each other shyly, mostly because he knows the truth, slash the lies behind their gummy smiles. Cameras are flashing around the podium, capturing every single moment of the nation’s hottest couple of the year. Tao grunts. Can this ceremony get any more boring?
He eyes the banquet table. At least the food looks delicious and expensive.
==
The staffs are still having a feast at the backstage with ton loads of foods, but Tao excuses himself to find some peace and heads for the rooftop, which is just a floor above.
His eyes drink in the view of Seoul at seven pm, just right when the sun is at the bottom edge of the horizon, and its color is a strange mixture of bright, reddish orange, while the sky around it is painted in heavy hues of semi dark lilac, slowly turning into black. He fishes out a pack of cigarette, pulling one out and tries to make the lighter work. But the wind is too strong at the thirty sixth floor, and at the fifth attempt, he gives up. Maybe it’s God’s way to slap him on the face while He says ‘if you die because of this thing don’t beg for Me to give you more time by then’.
“Hi.”
He shrieks, almost jumping a meter away out of shock as he tries to find the source of the unexpected heavy, husky voice. And voila, who he finds is somehow not really that surprising.
“How come the host of the party leaves the party itself?” Tao muses up, fingers playing with the unlit cigarette.
Kris Wu snorts as he leans against the railing next to him. He has no answer for Tao’s remark, apparently. Kris Wu, from the side, looks like he can easily make it to supermodel stuff with that kind of inhumanely handsome face and height. His golden blonde locks are dancing along the pace of the wind, and they really makes a beautiful contrast with his navy blue dress shirt. Navy blue again.
“You were like this too back then.” Kris says without even looking at him. “Staring at me like you were going to devour me.”
Tao blinks for a moment then he shakes his head vigorously. “Sorry. It was rude, sorry.” he flails his hand.
Taciturnly, Kris stares back at him, observing something he can’t seem to know. “You’re sorry because it was rude?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Not because I’m never wrong and everyone has always to be the one to apologize?”
Tao frowns. “That sounds like tyrant shit.”
Kris Wu laughs. Like, really laughs. With that slightly creepy gummy smile, and hand resting against his abdomen as he lurches forward to contain his laughter. “I fucking know, right?” Kris says, out of breath. “Right?”
“I’ve lost you right after you started laughing out of something I still don’t understand about. Sorry.”
“Hm, feisty.” Kris grins. “Cool. You can be my very best buddy.”
“You’re actually creeping me out right now. It feels like you’re going to kidnap me and rape me somewhere any second from now.”
Kris rests a hand against his chest as he fakes an insulted gasp. “Why you gotta be so rude?”
“Don’t you know I’m human too - sorry, can’t help it, it’s my jam.”
Chuckling, Kris leans against the railing again. Tao stares at Kris again, as if he can see Kris’ thoughts drifting away into the hectic wind. “Can I ask you to, you know,” Kris speaks again, and he barely notices it, “to forget what happened earlier, at the fire exit?”
Tao feels his heart softens. Somehow he can tell that Kris Wu is asking him to forget the incident not because of his own image only, but on the behalf of his fiancé and his brother too. “It’s no big deal.” Tao waves his hand nonchalantly. “Telling random people about it seems like a trashy thing to do anyway, so.”
Kris smiles, although not directly at him. “You can’t blame Joohyun, though.” he says with a sigh.
“I’m not actually judging any of you.”
“Psh. I saw how you stared at us as if we were committing a sin.” Kris chuckles. “But that’s okay, really. If I were you, I would’ve splashed a drink at myself, or maybe at Joohyun too.”
Tao thinks for a while. Did Kris Wu really have the time to even glance at him in the middle of the cameras flashing at him? “I really didn’t mean to stare.”
“Anyway, as I said, Joohyun doesn’t really have the fault on her. She’s been unofficially engaged to me ever since we were kids, and we are the type of children who can’t say no to our parents, so we always went along the plan.” Kris closes his eyes, savoring the wind. “Unfortunately she met Sehun, my brother, and as much as a human she is, she started to want something out of her league; the freedom to choose who to love.”
“What about you?” Tao asks. “Have you met someone who makes you want something out of your league too?”
Kris opens his eyes slowly. “I never met that person. And I never tried to look for them. Joohyun is enough as a lesson for me.” he looks down, over the world beneath their feet. Hundreds of lights are decorating the streets. “Do you think,” he glances at Tao, “that our marriage would work?”
“Hm,” Tao taps his chin, “judging by how you talked fondly about her, you must care for her too, although not really in that way she has with your brother. I think if you’re with a person who can tolerate you as much as you tolerate her, then yes, your marriage could work just fine.”
“So love isn’t that necessary?”
Tao snorts. “Marriage and love has degraded their relationship to acquaintances since like decades ago.”
And Kris laughs once more. “I really like you. I’m sure we can get along great. What do you say about lunch or dinner sometime?”
“Whoa, wait, this escalated quickly.” Tao backs away. “And you sounded like you really have a lot of spare time.”
Kris shrugs. “I make my own schedule.”
“Well, I don’t. I have someone who arranges my schedules for me, and he’s really strict about it. He said I can’t be late to practice, can’t be late to work, can’t even steal more than an hour to video-chat with my mom, and can’t be too immersed with something that looks like a fairy-tale because it will be just a waste of time.”
“The fuck is this guy?”
“I know right? His name is life.” Tao laughs when Kris looks betrayed. He shoves the unlit cigarette into the pocket of his pants. “I was being hyperbolic, by the way. I’m free at Friday. Actually on Thursday too, but I only count it as half.”
Kris frowns. “What about weekends? Saturday and Sunday, I mean.”
“Well, my job requires me to serve those who are free on weekends, so.”
The sky is dark enough now, and stars are already showing up. Kris smiles. “Friday it is, then.”
“Wait, so you’re really serious about hanging out with me?”
“Consider it as a date.” Kris winks. Winks. Winks. And just that. Because in the next second, he turns around and struts away from the railings, leaving Tao gaping like a fish in need of water.
“You don’t even know my name” Tao shouts at him.
Kris glances back. “Who says I don’t, Huang Zitao?”
“… well, then, you don’t even have my phone number!”
As unexpectedly expected, Kris smirks. “I have all the three of them.” he says. “Even the one you just bought two days ago.”
Kris Wu disappears behind the metal door to the stairs. Tao still can’t gather his thoughts, still not believing the fact that he just got asked for a date by Kris Wu, has his name and phone number known by Kris Wu, and for the basic of them all, just had a long conversation with Kris Wu. Of course he doesn’t worship that guy but still, this is Kris Wu, whose net earnings per month equals a quarter of his whole life-time saving. He’s like the pauper being wooed by the prince. Big shit, Baekhyun’s words echo in his head. Big shit, big shit, big -
Baekhyun?
- shit… SHIT. Now he’s sure who the fuck told his name and gave his number to Kris Wu; Baekhyun was the one who bought the new phone number for him and he hasn’t even used it yet.
===
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
===
It’s already Thursday night when Tao realizes the real deal.
Kris Wu is an engaged man.
Yet he’s having a date with that man tomorrow.
Or maybe, coming to the theory he had built for the whole week, Kris Wu was just joking about it. Of course. Upper-class people and their shitty personality. Thinking that they can play with other person’s feelings and will be forgiven for it in the end because that’s just how life works for them.
Tao was drowning in his own demons when his phone rings. Maybe it’s Baekhyun, or Minseok. Or maybe even Chanyeol because they will have the same shift this Saturday at the downtown bar. He picks up his phone and turns on the screen. From an unknown number.
Will pick u up at six tomorrow
He gasps. No. Shit can’t be real.
You don’t even have my address
Who says?
Tao was about to snort, because no way Baekhyun will go to that extent, giving his address to some stranger, but then another text comes.
I’m in front of ur apartment rn
I don’t believe u
Will honk twice
And just as he was about to type his reply, he hears the honking sound. Twice. He immediately runs to his window and yanks the curtain away, looking down at the parking lot. A shiny red Ferrari is chilling in front of the entrance gate.
Too shiny?
Are u a stalker?
Maybe I am
Tao frowns really hard. What the hell is Kris Wu doing?
Anw see u tomorrow
==
To his expectations, somehow, Kris Wu appears in his casual attire, just like in their first meeting.
Which is, again, so different from the image of the current CEO of the mega corporation Wu Enterprise that has been embedded in everyone’s head. Kris Wu is supposed to be wearing specially tailored suits, not the navy blue Adidas hoodie he’s wearing right now. He’s supposed to be walking with shiny dress shoes, not the white sneakers on his feet. And his obnoxious blonde hair is supposed to be gelled neatly instead of being hidden under the navy blue baseball cap which Tao notices he also wore last time.
“I’m flattered,” Kris smiles smugly, “I can always make you stare at me in awe.”
Realizing how stupid he must seem, Tao immediately hisses. “Definitely not in awe with you.”
They’re strolling around at the side of Han River - both couldn’t be creative enough to find any other place to go to. It’s around three pm, the season is in the transition from summer to autumn, and the sky is not really the clearest blue, painted in white, dull shades. Somehow Tao finds it quite melancholic, the view. “I like it when someone defies me.” Kris smirks.
“What? Why? So you can bit them back later?”
A short silence. “So I can be reminded that real communication do exist.” Kris says rather carefully, and somehow Tao finds Kris’ smile is a little bit melancholic, just like the sky above them, as he says this. “Y’know, where people can agree and disagree with each other, where both parts are equal in the conversation?”
Tao finds it quite odd, how Kris describes it. But then he understands something hidden behind those words. “You’re saying that all your life, people agree with you easily.”
“Either that, or I would have no saying in the conversation. Mostly with my dad. And my mom. And my brother.”
Tao considers to say ‘poor you’ but then how can he say that to a Wu? He then thinks he can say ‘isn’t it great that people agree with you all the time’ but then it might be a little bit too snappy. So he ends up saying; “well you can have a real communication with me. I will occasionally agree with you and disagree with you most of the other times.”
Taciturnly, Tao notices that Kris is glancing at him, and if he’s not mistaken, he sees fondness in Kris’ eyes. “Yeah.” the other mumbles. “That will be cool.”
The atmosphere is getting awkward, so Tao settles up a sigh as he stretches his arms outwards. “Why are we here again?”
They eventually stop at some spot, slightly leaning against the railings. Kris kicks the tip of his sneakers against the ground beneath them out of habit, and Tao really thought he was going to say some cheesy lines like ‘because we met here the first time’ or ‘because the river reminds me of you’, but he notices the small smirk on Kris’ plump lips. Oh holy plump lips - what? “Because you couldn’t pick any better place.”
“Excuse me? You were the one who stalked for my phone number and my address and asked me to go with you for a date,” Tao presses his index finger gently against Kris’ broad chest, “how was it my responsibility to choose the place?”
“But I said ‘we can go wherever you like’, I gave you the luxury to choose, yet you didn’t use it well.”
“I’m starting to believe that it was just a spur of moment when you asked me out. You never asked anybody to go on a date before, huh?”
“How can you know me so well in the span of like, thirty minutes?”
Their first date ever, technically, is filled with nonsense bickers and some bets - ‘I bet you never swam before’ ‘I bet you can’t cook’ ‘excuse you I can play piano really well’ ‘you won’t believe how neat my closet is so shut up because you seem like you’re no better than me in when it comes to tidiness’. Weird, Tao thinks, as the night finally dwells further and he’s finally on his bed, unknowingly smiling goofily over some pictures he snapped with Kris just a few hours before. Isn’t first dates supposed to be calm and collected? Like, the both of you would sit down in a café, on a table right next to the window where people would occasionally pass by at the outside, and some calming songs would play at the background. A cup coffee or maybe an iced chocolate blend will rest on the table in front of the both of you, and you will talk about things you like and you don’t like, your opinions about things, and you will smile from minute to minute, because it’s something new, something refreshing.
Yet Tao thinks back again, and all he can remember about their first day is their bickers about who is smarter between him and Kris, and how he had spent good five minutes laughing over how Kris had said that he’s an alpha in a wolf pack’ to describe himself when they first met, and the soft, warm smile on Kris’ lips that lasted for no more than five seconds when he said to the blonde haired guy ‘I believe that people, be it good or bad, rich or poor, old or young, has their life as complex as everyone else, so basically no one has the right to judge the others, aren’t I right?’
And as he starts to fall asleep, Tao recalls how he never mentioned to Kris about his thoughts regarding the latter being engaged.
===
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