#91: Fix You [3/7]
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When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
===
There’s a wedding anniversary party at one of the most prestigious Italian restaurant in Gangnam, precisely at the VIP floor. The entire space is decorated in the grandest way possible, the combination of silver and gold, with fancy looking main courses and treats. This whole thing is no surprise for Tao, since the orchestra group he has been playing for years in has always been contracted for such occasions. They’re trained for high-class parties like this, nothing less, a little bit more. So Tao isn’t supposed to be nervous as his fingers dance swiftly on the black and white blocks, reciting Fur Elise smoothly, backed up by the violinists and cellists behind him. He knows the music sheets to the end and back, the scores, the tempo, he aces it well.
Thus, again, he isn’t supposed to be nervous like this.
He still can control his fingers so it won’t affect his performance, but he’s literally sweating cold, and his heart is thumping fast inside his ribcage, because right there, less than three meters from the grand piano he’s hiding behind, is the ever so glorious looking Kris Wu, with his rich, obnoxious blonde hair and such height that makes him stands out like a sore thumb. His right hand is holding a glass of red classic wine, which is such a graceful match to his inky black suit. And the smirk, oh, that sinful smirk Kris Wu is showing off at him is tempting him to stand up and shove the music sheets into that alligator mouth of his.
Why are you looking at me, Tao groans internally as he finishes off the session, look somewhere else, look somewhere else, look -
“Tao, you okay?” Baekhyun whispers from the back. “You look quite pale.”
He decides to just give a thumb up to Baekhyun and signs that he can carry on. He doesn’t want to look at Baekhyun in the eyes because maybe, just maybe, he might burst into a frantic mess in front of almost a hundred pairs of eyes. He can’t ruin the night.
But Kris Wu is still boring holes all over his face, with that damned smirk on his plump lips.
Tao almost loses it when he had to switch fingers on the E block when he looks up again and notices that Irene Bae is already standing behind Kris. And Kris’ hand is gracefully draped on the young lady’s petite shoulder. They’re talking to the celebrating couple, probably something like ‘you two will be like us too someday!’ and stuffs like that. Tao almost snorted.
He casts away the weird, slightly burning feeling in his heart as he keeps making magic on the piano for the whole night.
“You played fucking great tonight.”
Tao almost dropped his cigarette as he jumps forward, cursing in the process. “What the -“ he turns around, finding Kris Wu with all his glory standing right before him, under the dim light of the back door of the restaurant building, “what’s with you and scaring people off??”
Kris shrugs casually. “I was just saying hi.”
“Why are you still here?” Tao grunts before he gives up on his cigarette and tosses it onto the ground, stepping on it afterwards. “The guests are supposed to be leaving.”
“Yeah.” Kris’ voice is already a familiar sound in his ears. “But I had to find you.”
“Why?”
“Just because.”
“What about your fiancé?” Tao asks nonchalantly, probably due to the coagulated sleepiness that is already melting and seeping into his veins. “Shouldn’t you be taking her home?”
Summer night’s air is still cold enough to make him shiver slightly. He notices from the corner of his eyes that Kris’s own orbs are lost into the inky black sky above them. “Yeah.” he mumbles. “Her own chauffeur picked her up.”
Tao frowns. “No way. Why didn’t you…?”
“As I said,” Kris turns his eyes over him instead, and he holds a gasp, “I had to find you.”
Truthfully, he doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s either he doesn’t know what to say, or he couldn’t say anything because his mind is a mess right now and his heart is beating vigorously against his ribcage for the nth time tonight. He can’t pick which one.
“Anyway, why aren’t you eating with your crew?” Kris takes off the jacket of his suit, and nonchalantly hands it to him.
“Uh, the foods aren’t really in my favor. And what does this mean?”
“I’m lending you my jacket.”
“Because…?”
“You’re shivering.”
Tao immediately shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants, trying to calm them down. “Sorry. Not really a fan of cold. Anyway, thank you, really, but you should wear them back. I’m fine.”
“If you said so.” Kris smirks as he retreats his hand back.
“Whoa, that was fast.” Tao snorts, and Kris stares at him curiously. “You, giving up.”
Kris laughs amusedly, showing off his gums and the double rows of perfect teeth. His laughter subsides as each seconds passed by, but his eyes never left Tao’s own. “If you haven’t eaten yet,” Kris speaks again, “should we head somewhere else to eat?”
Tao eyes him. “You’re treating me to a dinner.” he states the obvious.
“Yep.” Kris nods excitedly. “Consider it as our second date.”
“Wow. It’s the second already.”
Somehow they end up at McDonalds.
Tao never, in his life, ever, imagined that Kris Wu will be eating a double cheese burger like a hungry cow and gulps down his coke in a rather vigorous way, simultaneously. More than that, he never imagined himself sitting on the same table with Kris Wu who is eating a double cheese burger like a hungry cow and gulping down his coke in a rather vigorous way, simultaneously. Oh wait, did he say it twice already?
“I swear, dude, if you choke, I will leave you here.” Tao hisses as he puts down his own cheese burger on the tray, suddenly feeling full just by watching Kris devours his own meal.
Fortunately Kris is wearing his favorite baseball cap, so it helps a lot to press down his high profile, although his blonde locks still found their way to the world. Three upper buttons of his pristine white shirt are popped open, the sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, and the hems are left outside his pants, creating a rather messed look. Or humane look.
Somehow Tao really, very, surely likes this kind of look.
“I don’t eat this often so just let me be.” Kris says, remnants of the bun is still on his tongue. He raises an eyebrow when Tao hisses at him in disgust.
“You are a disgrace. I’m very ashamed to be seen with you.”
“Oh fuck it, Huang Zitao. I know you like being with me.”
“I’m very disgusted by your whole fiasco right now. Wow, just like NatGeo Wild happening right before my eyes.”
“Well you’re watching an alpha eating his prey so what.”
It’s good that Tao didn’t drink his coke yet because he bursts into laughter in the matter of second. “What,” Tao slaps his palm against the table repeatedly as he doubles into laughter more, “the fucking hell!”
Kris shrugs nonchalantly and finishes off his burger. “Gosh this shit is gross but is so good.”
“Yeah and it also kills you slowly.”
“But everything that kills me makes me feel alive.”
Tao throws his head back laughing. The lyrics fit so well. “So billionaires eat this kind of stuff too, huh.” he comments, not really aiming for a relevant answer.
“Hm.” Kris snorts before he gulps down his coke again. “I never really had someone to eat McD with, though. My friends never liked this stuff. My parents loathed it. Joohyun doesn’t eat greasy foods. Sehun,” his eyes wander over the plastic lid of the coke’s carton cup, “I can barely remember but I’m sure he ever ate burger at some point of his life.”
He can distinct the sudden bitterness in Kris’ eyes, as if he’s reading a book written in simple vocabularies. “You talked like burgers are a very important issue.” Tao says instead, because Tao plus emotional moments equal a mess.
A success. Kris raises an eyebrow at him. “Because they are.”
God, this man is such a contradiction, Tao huffs before he chuckles in amusement. “Are you, you know, close with your brother?” he asks, hoping the topic is not too sensitive - wait, since when did I want to know more about him?
It’s a short moment of silence, and Tao was starting to regret his decision to ask when Kris answers it with a smile. A rather melancholic one. “We used to be, like, real close.” he starts. “I’m sure you’ve heard his… conversation with Joohyun at the fire exit. He’s, well, we’re not from the same mother. Apparently his mother was involved in an affair with my father. One-night stands and shits. Cool, though, it brought me a baby brother one day right after I sent my friends home from my sixth birthday party. He was one or two years old back then, if I’m not mistaken. A few weeks after he was brought to our house, my father got married with her mother, which also had become my legal mother until now.”
“Wait,” Tao leans forward, “I’m sorry if I’m going to be insensitive, but, your mom, is not your mom? Then how about your real mom?”
Kris looks a little bit lost for a few seconds. “Ah, I didn’t mention it yet?” he says with a chuckle. “My mother died when I was five.”
Tao’s blood goes cold.
“Don’t worry, she wasn’t killed or stuffs like that. It was a car accident. She died on the scene. And voila, I was motherless for a week before I got the replacement.” Kris sighs softly. “Am never satisfied with the service even until now, though. Anyway, back to my story with my brother. He was two back then, and I was mesmerized by how tiny and cute he was, so without knowing, I kept wanting to be with him and play with him all the time. So it’s safe to say that he grew up being glued by my side. Plus Joohyun, we did almost everything possible together.”
Somehow Tao can imagine little Kris, little Irene and little Sehun running around on the garden of their house. And his imagination is vivid enough, much to his surprise.
“But even the closest people will grow apart one day. That was what I learned. Life just happens. Things would happen and be in the way, and you would always try to ignore it, to endure it, until one day you realize that nothing’s going to work between the two of you anymore. For me and Sehun, it was natural. My grandfather had inherited the Chairman position on paper to me when I was ten, the paper was made official when I was twenty, mother got furious because it wasn’t fair that I got the position just because I’ve always been grandfather’s favorite, she got more furious that father was also happy with the decision without even considering Sehun, and Sehun finally understood the unfairness as well. It was a major point to our distance.” Kris pauses for a while. “And also, Sehun has been in love with Joohyun since forever but he only was sure about it when he was eighteen, and Joohyun also had the same feeling, and they were dating secretly for years until three months ago, my grandfather decided to announce to the family that I and Joohyun are getting engaged. So, there we are.”
“But it’s not like you’re the one who wanted everything in the first place.” Tao comments with a frown. “You were just swept along with things you had no control of.”
Kris’ smile is bitter. “But still. If Sehun has one person to hate the most, it would always be me. And it’s because we have no control of everything that he hates me even more.”
“But what’s so cool about the Chairman position anyway??”
“I know right? That was what I thought about when I first realized that the source of my problem with mother is the Chairman thing. I even told my grandfather that I would be fine if he inherit the position to Sehun instead, but I got scolded in exchange.” Kris laughs. “Then I came to understand. If I become the Chairman, it means I have the control over every single thing that the company owns, every single thing my grandfather had built from dirt. Everything the company ever had, has, or will have in the future, is attached on my fingertips. That’s the point; I have control, and it’s given to me just like that, taxes free. A lot of people in this city could kill each other to get to that position if it’s what it takes, yet it was given to me even before I understood how powerful it was. But Sehun, on the other hand, was always the second option to my grandfather. If grandfather always asked me how my day was or if I was tired or not, Sehun was told not to slack off and to attend every class that was assigned for him diligently so he won’t bring shame to the family. If I was directly signed to be Chairman, Sehun was told to study hard in order to become my CEO. Let me ask you,” Kris leans forward as he stares up at Tao, “if you were Sehun, what would be the first word you’d think of the situation?”
Tao stares at Kris back. “Unfair.” he answers truthfully.
Kris leans back with a satisfied smile. “Now you see the real deal is?”
“It sucks.”
“Yeah. Life sucks.” Kris sighs heavily this time. “If only everyone is selfless and satisfied of their lives, hatred won’t ever exist.”
“But still, it wasn’t your fault that your grandfather loves you more or you were born as… as you.”
“Yet it’s easier for him to hate me than to understand me. If he doesn’t hate me, then where would he put all his hatred towards all of the unfairness on?”
Tao folds his hands in front of his abdomen. “It’s unfair to you then.”
“It doesn’t seem so unfair once you understand from my point of view, though.”
Trying to cast the sudden anger away, Tao huffs as he looks out of the window. It’s already past twelve pm. Another day has just started. “You know what,” he says as he turns to Kris again, “you can eat here with me at least once a week. You can eat burgers as much as your stomach can afford. I won’t judge because I like burgers too, I love it even, and I’m okay with greasy foods. And you can be easy because I won’t hate you over things you can’t control of.”
He notices in awe, how Kris’ eyes are starting to glisten.
“You know, like how disgusting you look when you eat burgers, or how stupid you are if you think that cap can hide your blonde hair. Those things just can’t be helped, right?”
“Fuck it, Tao, you broke the moment!”
Tao almost falls asleep on their way to his apartment. His head is resting against the window, which causes his forehead to bump against the glass when the car takes a left turn, and he can barely hear Kris’ evil laugh next to him on the driver seat. Twenty minutes or so, and they finally arrive in front of his apartment building.
“Just in case we won’t be able to meet for the days few days,” Kris says as they stand right before Tao’s front door, “I’m taking you to McD again next week. On the same day, at the same time.”
“Huh,” Tao mumbles sleepily, “don’t you have another exciting place to take me to?”
“But you said you will eat burgers with me at least for onc-“
“Okay okay okay shut up. Now shoo I’m going in because I’m so fucking sleepy.”
“Okay okay okay bye.”
As he watches Kris walking back to his car from the window of his bedroom, Tao notices something that makes him wide awake once more.
Kris never really wore his jacket again ever since he took it off for him.
===
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
===
Kris Wu is indeed a busy man. He only meets him whenever he’s the one who calls to meet, like the late night ‘dates’ they started to build a habit for ever since the McD one. Other than that, Kris is a no show, alias he’s like someone whose path doesn’t collide with Tao’s. It feels like Kris is just an imagination because he came without warning and left with no traces. Kris doesn’t even appear often in any media because apparently he doesn’t really like unnecessary publication.
It’s one of those Kris-less days when Tao receives a sudden call from his cousin. And she just had to call him to her office so they can have a lunch together since ‘you have been running away from me for centuries and I need to see how my baby had grown up!’
And of course his cousin just had to work at the headquarters of Wu Enterprise.
So here he is, in front of the gigantic tower of Wu Enterprise’s HQ, with his jaw almost reaching the ground beneath him. The building is really tall, with all its grandiose design and shining gold letters of its name and a silver symbol of ‘WE’ being the center of the attention. Tao can’t even imagine how much this building costs each day. Or where does the money that pays off the cost fruits from. He can barely have spare allowance to buy the latest smartphone in the market, how can he dare to imagine himself running the company?
Shivering in horror, Tao walks into the building with hesitating steps. What if the guards kick him out because he looks frankly out of place? Everyone is wearing suits and formal dresses while he himself is clutching onto his slightly worn-out leather jacket, trying so hard not to make his sneaker screech even a decibel against the perfectly polished marble floor. He can feel a few people are staring at him, probably in spontaneous disgust. It’s completely understandable. Really.
“You must be Victoria’s cousin!”
He almost shrieked in shock, and his sneaker finally makes a screech. In front of him is a fine young man, very tall - probably taller than Kris - why am I thinking of him? - and probably around his cousin’s age. “I - I - I - yes I am.”
The guy laughs. “I surprised you, sorry. Anyway, I’m Changmin. Shim Changmin. Ever heard of me?”
Tao blinks at the man for a little while before he nods. “You’re Qian’s boyfriend!!”
“Correction, fiancé. Our boss is not the only man engaged in this building.” Changmin winks at him. “Come on. Victoria is already waiting for you. I can’t believe someone still calls her Qian.” he says as he leads Tao towards the lift.
“It’s her real Chinese name.” Tao shrugs.
Suddenly people’s stares are not that cold anymore. It seems like Changmin is quite famous around the place, because people keep greeting him and inevitably ask who is the sloth walking behind him, while Changmin throws his charming smile and says ‘my future cousin-in-law’ proudly. Some of the girls even smile at him brightly. Tao sighs.
“ - me a second chance, CEO Wu. I promise you this will be my last mistake, I promise you!”
Changmin halts his step as they finally reach the waiting area for the elevator, and Tao stops behind him. He looks for the source of the pleading voice, and finds a man is already on his knees, head hanging low. Tao gasps, but Changmin’s hand is quick enough to cover his mouth.
“Be quiet.” Changmin whispers at him. “It’s a common sight in this place so bear with it until the elevator arrives.”
A common sight?! Tao’s eyes widen as he watches the man keep saying his apologies. He then shifts his eyes to see what kind of an evil man that has the heart to let someone beg on their knees.
Then he recognizes the tuft of blonde locks right away.
“I’m surprised you’re still here, Mr. Yoon.” Kris’ voice is very familiar in his ears, but somehow it’s not the same. It’s… a whole lot colder. It doesn’t even have malicious intention in it but it sounds so… cold.
“I can’t give up my ten years position just because of one mistake, CEO Wu, please give me another chance to prove that I’m still worth it - “
“Mr. Yoon,” Kris looks down at the man, slightly tilting his head, “are you, perhaps, questioning my judgment and my authority in this company?”
Silence.
“I hope this kind of ruckus won’t ever happen again, Mr. Yoon. What is the short way to say this, hm?” Kris steps back. “We’re done with you.”
Tao gulps as a couple of bulky men come in sight and literally drag the man away from Kris’ feet. Then another man in suit, probably the secretary, comes in sight. “The VIP elevator is still on maintenance, sir.”
“Let’s use one here then. When is the meeting with KJ Corporation again?”
“One forty, sir, which is twenty minutes from now.”
He hears Kris sighs. Then the elevator doors open, and a few people who have been waiting for their turn, including him and Changmin, make a way for Kris, his secretary, and a couple of his bodyguards to get in. Tao holds his breath, slowly scooting back behind Changmin’s broad shoulder.
“Luhan,” he hears Kris’ voice again, “why are we the only people here?”
Tao watches Luhan the secretary hurriedly signals everyone outside the elevator doors to get in as well. He follows Changmin inside, trying not to tremble too much because what will happen if Kris sees him here? He scoots onto the corner of the space, behind the bulky men, and bites his lip as he looks up slowly, only to nearly gasp.
He and Changmin are the only ones who got into the elevator.
“Well then. I can’t be late, so.”
Changmin is the one who swipes his ID card over the scanner and presses the button for them and for Kris’ floor. “Good afternoon, sir.” the tall guy says in boredom. What??
Tao watches as Kris glances at Changmin. “I’m sorry you had to see that, dude.”
Somehow the voice is not so cold anymore - d-d-d-dude??
“Well, I can’t say he deserves it but he has been acting as a pain in everyone’s ass lately.” Changmin shrugs. “I think I’ve said enough in the meeting last week.”
“Which was why I took the drastic way.” Kris says softly before he turns to his secretary. “Make sure you prepare his recommendation later.”
Changmin laughs. “You know what our ex-employees said?” Tao blinks. “You might kill someone in the company and got fired, and still can find a proper job because your recommendation was written by Wu Enterprise.”
“So you’re saying that…?”
“Stop giving recommendations for those you fired just because you feel like you’ve just ended someone’s life by cutting their income source.” Changmin sighs. “It was their fault, and you were just doing your job.”
“It’s easy for you to say because you don’t have three kids and a demanding wife to feed.” Kris says. “Not everyone is as lucky as us.”
“And not everyone is as competent in their job as us. So whose fault it will be if they ever make a mess?”
“Sometimes I think you’re a better person for my job. Ever considered about being the CEO?”
Changmin snorts. “Nah. I’m already content with my job now. Besides if I’m a CEO in this kind of company then I can’t lead a happy and mushy life with my future wife.”
Tao watches as Kris stays silent for a while. “You’re really marrying Victoria?”
“Of course, who else then, you?” Changmin laughs before he reaches for something or someone behind him - no no no - “Right, this is her cousin. Zitao, say hi to my boss.”
What the fucking fuck -
“I still think she’s an idiot for giving up her job just to marry a dandy boy like -“ he hears Kris pauses when he’s finally in front of him, “… you.”
“You’re just sad you’re losing a very pretty employee. Anyway, this is Huang Zitao. Zitao, this is Kris Wu, our CEO, soon to be Chairman.”
Tao can’t even look up properly. “N-nice to meet you, sir.”
Then he sees Kris’ hand reaching for a handshake. “I think you owe me something.”
“Kid, it’s alright, take his hand. He won’t bite.” Changmin nudges his back. “It’s your fault. He’s traumatized by what happened earlier.”
Tao can’t really see Kris’ face as he’s looking down over his sneakers, but he can vividly imagine Kris’ smirk as he hears him snorting. “Is he really?”
“Don’t scare him please.”
“I’m just shaking his hand.”
“You can let go of him now.” Changmin chuckles. “We’re on our floor, anyway. See you later, boss.”
It feels cold out of sudden as Kris lets his hand go for real. “See you some time, Zitao.” Kris says.
Even as he’s walking away from the elevator, he can feel Kris’ smirk etched on his back.
Tao spent the afternoon being pampered by his cousin. Victoria is a young lady with a strong motherly sense, so it was a natural thing if three hours with her made Tao ate big meal twice, had three large cups of a very rich chocolate milkshake from the company’s cafeteria, got complained about his hair which hasn’t been trimmed for two months, and a makeshift session of solitary life survival 101. Tao wanted to stop her because come on, he had lived in Seoul for almost five years now, he’s already accustomed to the involuntary solitude in such a big city. But seeing Victoria reminds him of his mother a lot, and he misses her quite much, if not a lot. So he let Victoria treated him like a little son he was. At least Changmin was good at playing pretend as the cool father who lets him do everything.
A short story about Kris Wu also came out during their conversation. Victoria talked about how Kris was actually her and Changmin’s junior in high school, how Kris always look up to Changmin as a honorable senior, how Kris was actually the one who persuaded Changmin to propose because that way they would be able to be married in the same year, and stuffs Tao didn’t really dare to imagine. Changmin also talked about how Kris was actually a very simple person who hated spotlight and unnecessary exploitation of his background, and about how it all eventually changed once Kris was handed the full burden as the CEO of the company.
Tao wanted to ask Changmin about Sean Wu, but he thought that it would be insensitive of him.
Shortly to say, he spent the afternoon in Changmin’s spacious office room without any problem. He actually had fun, although he’s quite shy to admit it. He never really felt close to family in five years like he did in three hours.
He’s on his way out of the building, just the both of him and Changmin, when the other asks something that almost made him choke.
“So you and Kris already know each other, huh?”
He almost trips on his own feet as they walks pass the grand glass doors. He hears Changmin laughing as they keep walking until they stop just right before the asphalt ground in front of the marble terrace. “H-how do you know?”
“I’ve been friends with him for like, hm, seven years? His eyes, his smirk, and the way he approached you without even thinking twice. Geez, everyone’s an open book, Zitao.” Changmin chuckles. “If you had seen how you and he had interacted earlier, you would’ve understood too.”
Tao shyly looks down over his sneakers. “We’re just acquaintances.”
He thought Changmin would let it slip away, but then he hears him talking again. “I’m not gonna ask you what kind of relationship you have with him actually or how you two met, stuffs like that. But I’m just telling you,” Changmin pauses for a while, “to stop involving yourself with him.”
This gets Tao’s attention as he finally looks up, curious eyes meeting Changmin’s suddenly hardened ones.
“What..?”
“I saw your texts with him. I’ve known he had this… secret affair going on for the past weeks,” Changmin sighs, “and I knew the person’s name is Huang Zitao. I just never thought the person is you, I mean, this world is so spacious, there are probably billions of Huang Zitaos in it, but why does it have to be you?”
“You can’t even call it a secret affair because there’s literally nothing between us.”
Changmin raises an eyebrow. “Have I told you that I saw your texts with him?”
“But I swear it’s not like - “
“And have I told you that I’ve been friends with him for seven years? I know almost everything about him, Zitao. Which means I would know if he’s up to something dangerous like, like this.” Changmin steps back. “He’s not good for your life, Zitao. He’s not good for you.”
Tao stares at his cousin’s fiancé with betrayed face. Why is he trying so hard to make Changmin stop saying things about him and Kris having to stop seeing each other if he doesn’t even feel that attached to Kris? “Why is he not good for me?”
“It’s not about him.” Changmin says quietly. “But it’s about his life. His background. You’re aware that he’s already an engaged man, right?”
Ah, the scarily significant fact that he had kind of forgotten.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I suppose that you stay away from him. Something will end badly if you keep pursuing… whatever you have with him. I can feel it already.”
“I’m not even in that kind of relationship with - “
“Zitao, can you just, listen to me?” Changmin almost sounded like he’s pleading. “I promise you this will be my first and last nag to you. Just this one.”
Sighing heavily, Tao kicks the tip of his sneaker against the marble floor, creating a screeching sound. He sees no proper end in this conversation. “I get it, okay. But I’m also telling you again, we’re not in that kind of relationship. He’s just… a loner who finally found a friend who defies his perception about everyone around him.”
He thought Changmin was going to drop it, but then his soon to be cousin-in-law speaks his last sentence. “Just don’t let any of you get attached with another.”
And Changmin walks back into the building, disappearing behind the glass doors, while Tao stares at his back helplessly. Is this some kind of prophecy?
===
And I will try
to fix you
===
Their usual Friday date arrives.
And Tao tries with all his might to act as usual as well in front of Kris. And actually he really thinks he pulled it off just fine. He laughs mockingly at Kris’ lame jokes, listens carefully to Kris’ deep thoughts, occasionally disses Kris for fun, just usual things they do whenever they’re together.
But somehow Kris’ eyes are much sharper than an eagle’s.
“Did I do something wrong?” Kris asks as they walks out of the ramyun shop Tao had introduced to Kris last week.
Tao stiffens, of course, and he really tries not to make it obvious. “What? What do you mean?”
“Don’t lie to me.” Kris says softly. “I saw it in your eyes. In everything you do tonight.”
Suppressing the adrenaline in his veins, Tao fishes out a cigarette pack from the pocket of his washed out jeans and picks out one. “I don’t understand.” he mumbles, shoving the pack back before he searches for a lighter.
Kris doesn’t say anything at first, but as Tao lights up his cigarette, the words come. “You were staring at me like I’m a stranger. An intimidating stranger.”
Tao looks up at him.
“It was in a mere of seconds, but I saw it.” Kris says. “If it’s because what you saw in the elevator a few days ago then I’m sorry if you were shocked because of it. In such company, those kind of things could be common. They can happen as often as your meal time.”
“What a harsh world.” Tao mumbles again.
“It really is.”
“I’m sorry if I stared at you like that. I just… I never saw that side of you.”
He notices how Kris’ expression hardens eventually. “And you don’t like it.”
“I don’t like it, yes. But I don’t hate it either. I mean… that’s something I have no right to judge or feel anything about, I guess.” Tao shrugs, fingers playing with the slowly burning cigarette. “I… really don’t know how to react to that.”
“So it’s not a problem, then?”
Tao shakes his head. “A problem to what?”
“To our relationship.”
That finally gets Tao stiffening. He looks down over his tattered black sneakers, and then his eyes shift to the clean, bright white Nike shoes on Kris’ feet. “What kind of… relationship, do we have actually?”
Ah, I finally dropped the bomb.
Of course Kris doesn’t answer right away. What are they exactly? They’re way past acquaintances. They’re more than just friends who hang around together. But they’re not lovers because they’re not even in love with each other - or at least they never confirmed their feelings to each other.
This might be the right time to make things clear, and probably also end them in one go.
“Zitao,” Kris calls his name like a child spelling alphabet carefully, and it sends millions of electrical jolts into his veins, because Kris never called his full name in such way, “look at me.”
And so he does. “What.”
“I like you.”
Wow, that was fast. “I… like you too. If not then I wouldn’t have followed you around.”
“I like you more than I should have. I like you in the way that I want to hug you and kiss you. I like you in the way that it’s only a step ahead to love you.”
That makes Tao gasp loudly. He takes a step back, but Kris takes a step forward to match him.
Kris’s expression is still as unreadable as ever. “I’m falling in love with you, Tao.”
Tao blinks at him. “You’re engaged.”
“And I hope you feel the same too.”
“You’re an engaged man.”
“Wouldn’t be a problem if you don’t feel the same with me after all.”
“But I do.” Tao replies firmly somehow. He doesn’t know where on earth did he get such courage, confessing to someone who already have a fiancé and is actually out of his league from every single aspect. “I do feel the same.”
There’s this glint in Kris’ eyes. “Is it selfish of me,” he whispers, “if I want something more of us?”
Tao observes Kris’ face. There are some readable emotions on them - determination. He takes a step forward this time, looking up at the other with slightly blushing cheeks. “I think,” he says gently, “I think it’s not called selfish if someone else wants it too.”
And true to his hope, it’s more than a clear answer for Kris. The relief is clear in Kris’ eyes as the blonde man reduces the distance between them to the point that their noses almost touched. They’re in that position for a while until Kris speaks something Tao unexpectedly expected. “I think I’d like to mark my territory now.”
Can’t hold his smile anymore, Tao dares Kris by leaning up. “Please do.”
Kris kisses Tao full on his lips.
Kris kisses Tao on their way back to his car.
Kris kisses Tao after he fixes Tao’s seatbelt.
Kris kisses Tao on the red light stop.
Kris kisses Tao once he parks in front of Tao’s apartment building.
“You know, that,” Kris whispers breathlessly, the warm puffs hitting the apple of Tao’s cheek softly, “things won’t be the same after this, right?”
Tao nods slowly.
“Our date next week won’t be the same like this.” Kris says again as he leans back. “I’m just telling this to make you think twice.”
“Of what?”
“Of being with me.”
Pulling the handle to open the car’s door, Tao doesn’t really look at Kris as he speaks. “The moment I said I feel the same was the moment I made my mind, Kris.”
Silence. “Yifan.”
Tao finally looks at him.
“It’s Yifan to you.”
“Yifan.” Tao smiles fondly at the name. “I won’t think twice of being with you. And I wish you won’t think twice of being with me too.”
Kris doesn’t really smile. But the emotion in his eyes are so vivid for Tao to dive through. “I won’t.”
Tao steps out of the car and closes the door before he waves at Kris through the window. The light from the street lamp is rather deem, but even under such lightning, the look on Kris face still gets him almost bursting out of adrenaline rush. Kris has become such a thrilling adventure for him, and it has just escalated more. An addictive sugar rush.
As he plops himself down onto the matrass of his bed, hair wet from a cold shower yet cheeks blushing hot nonetheless, the summary of today finally comes into Tao’s head, as clear as raindrops - they hit them softly then pours hard on him in one go at the next second.
He’s probably feeding himself to something dangerous.
==
It takes no more than three days for Byun Baekhyun to notice something suspicious from Tao.
“You’re either,” Baekhyun says, spreading out his fingers one by one as he lists the possibilities of the cause of Tao’s constant blushing and occasional space outs, “having a crush, having a boyfriend, having you crush as your boyfriend, having a fuckboy - “
“Hyung!!”
“ - or having your boyfriend as your fuckboy too.” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him. “But since I believe you’re still the innocent Peach I know, let’s take out the last two options. So,” he leans closer, too close that Tao has to lean back in response, “who is the man, toddler?”
“There’s no one.” Tao answers, and he realizes it was too rushed, so he clears his throat and tries to act more calmly. There are only the two of them in the dance practice room of the building - their favorite place to hang out at. “You know love is a luxury for me.”
“What?? Psh,” Baekhyun snorts, slapping Tao’s back, “everybody deserves to love and to be loved, Peach, be it living things or objects, tangible or intangible. I mean, even someone can love his own imagination.”
Tao shrugs. “I’m just saying that I’m not really interested in that kind of thing for now.”
“But the symptoms were clear! You kept blushing from time to time, you kept checking your phone, and for God’s sake, you hummed some cheery berry songs all along the hall! The symptoms were clear!”
“So you’re saying that being in love is an illness then.”
“HA! Got you, you fucking smartarse,” Baekhyun locks Tao’s neck with his left arm, “you better tell me who the person is or I’m not letting you go.”
Just right when Tao was about to push Baekhyun away, his phone rings loudly in his hand, and Baekhyun uses his experience in hapkido to turn Tao’s entire body around and flip his hand upside down to easily snatch the latter’s phone away. “Is it him? Is it him??” he shrieks as he taps the screen to open the message from who he presumes is the mysterious man Tao has been hiding from him. “Ooh, Yifan.” Baekhyun smirks. “He says he can’t wait to see you, Peach!”
“Give me back that - “
However the satisfied smile on Baekhyun’s face immediately evaporates through the thin air as he scrolls up to the see the previous chats.
“He looks like Kris Wu.” Baekhyun comments. “His name is Yifan, huh? Why does he look so similar to Kr - “
Tao immediately snatches back his phone to see the photo Baekhyun just saw. Much to his doom, it’s a photo of Kris showing off his brand new name plate on his working desk. Is life supposed to be full of ridiculous coincidences like this?
“Zitao,” Baekhyun calls him by his full name, and it means something not good, “is he really… Kris Wu, that Kris Wu?”
Gulping nervously, Tao slides his phone into the back pocket of his jeans, facing the horrified Baekhyun. This is too fast, he holds his breath, even in K-dramas, the main character’s friend will find out about this kind of thing only after three or even four episodes!
“So he really looked for you, huh.” Baekhyun blinks. “On his engagement party, he asked me for your number but he told me not to tell you about it.”
“Why did you give him my number then?”
“Because I thought he won’t do something bad to you since, you know, why would he?”
“Then why do you look so shocked?” Tao frowns. “You should’ve expected this, right?”
“I have not.”
Tao’s eyes widen. “W-why?”
The look Baekhyun gives him is so foreign. Baekhyun never gave him this kind of detached, cold look before. “Because I thought you’re smarter than this.” Baekhyun says without hesitation. “I’ve already known that Kris Wu must’ve felt something… unusual about you that he asked for your number, and seriously, I kind of overheard both of you talking on the rooftop when I was looking for you, but I never expected it to be this far because - because you are you, Zitao. You’re full of calculation and doesn’t do cliché shits. Then why are you - how did you - how did the both of you get into this step??”
“It’s not even that - “
“It’s my fault. I was the one who gave him your number. It’s my f - “
“What’s so wrong about this anyway??”
Baekhyun looks at Tao for a quite long time. It’s like he’s considering very hard about telling Tao the thing he should tell Tao about or not telling Tao about it because it might ruin him.
“He’s,” Baekhyun pauses awkwardly, “he’s an engaged man, Zitao.”
Tao rolls his eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“What are you doing with someone’s fiancé, Zitao?”
“A fiancé she doesn’t even love, who doesn’t love her as well?” Tao turns his face away. “I like him a lot, Baekhyun. And he likes me a lot too. Why can’t we be together when our feelings are already clear for each other?” Wow, and it’s only three days since we confessed to each other yet I’m already talking like this.
“Well then,” Baekhyun steps back, scooting to the door of the practice room, “you’re free to think like that on his wedding day in three months.”
That successfully makes Tao turn his head back to his friend.
“It’s on the news.” Baekhyun says solemnly. “You’re dating a man who’s going to be married in three months, Huang Zitao. What were you thinking when you agreed to be with him?”
Tao looks down over the polished wooden floor. “I’m not so sure,” he mumbles, “but what I’m sure about is that I didn’t think twice when I said yes to him.”
He doesn’t even dare to see Baekhyun’s face. He didn’t expect Baekhyun to react harshly to his decision. He thought Baekhyun would only scold him or even root for him if he ever finds out. “Good luck, then.” He hears Baekhyun pushing the door. “I hope you’re at least not doing something that will end pretty bad, Zitao.”
Things escalate so fast in his life lately.
===
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