It's an odd feeling. Knowing that other people can surpass me. Not an upsetting feeling you understand, just odd. For so long I was so wrapped up in myself, that I honestly never considered that there were other people who had suffered as much, if not more than I did. Or the possibility that they would hold up better under pressure. I'm glad that ( Read more... )

What remains afterwards ?

Something that I never thought about at the time. But something that I cannot avoid thinking about now.

For so long I stuggled to find a way to cope with the guilt and the pain of losing my father and mother. Wading through months of depression and bitterness. Until I finally was free of it.

So here I am. The wieght is gone. ( Read more... )

9:28 pm. Such a long hard day. Car is still not fixed, going to be at leat another day. Don't look forward to what the dealership will be charging me to fix it, not to mention the loner car. Big boss was coming in, but decided to come tomorrow (oh yippie-aye-fucking-ayyy). Have had a headache all day from allergies, and of course, the thing with ( Read more... )

 One of the things I never understood about people is that they fight and kill people over how to praise God. I mean one of the big ten in most all Christian religions is "Thou Shalt Not Kill" It seems to me that if you believe that someone else is not following the right religion, then killing him will be breaking one of the big rules as well as ( Read more... )

Inside a run down pawn shop In New York city ( Read more... )

Is it too late I wonder ? My body is old and weak. I get tired so quickly now. And my thoughts are clogged with the scraps of endless failures. Who could still love me ? And for what would I be loved for ? My life is a wasted wreck. My heart is filled with love and beauty, but it is within a corroded shell. Who would trust me without reservation ? ( Read more... )

 Inside my heart there is a boundless love for all things. The joy of sunlight on water, the love between two people, the sound of wind through the leaves, the joy of a simple smile.
A simple and pure love that I have always been afriad to let the world see. Because the world is always so hurtful and cruel to me. It seems there is no place for ( Read more... )

Oh my heart, my heart which hath wronged me !
Dear God I am so sorry ! So very sorry !
All these long years, lying to myself and everyone else. Hiding the pain from myself. God, it hurts so much, I gave it all up to hide inside this self I cobbled together to block it all out. But God I remember who I was now. I finally broke through the chains I ( Read more... )

This world is completely fucked up I say ( Read more... )

How I long for death sometimes. I am old,tired, forsaken, and alone. No one understands or cares. Too many years, too many people lost. Pain and madness take a little more from me every day. And the more my eyes open to the abuse people have put me through unknowing over the years, the more I feel betrayed. Looking back it seems that I fought my ( Read more... )