it's over. it's done.

...at least i now can breathe, knowing the wait for the end is over. =/

AND I THOUGHT I WAS IN SHOCK AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS WEEK. O.O

....he... broke her heart...  my meghan!

that idiot who mistakes himself for someone with a SOUL was truly audacious enough to break someone as beautiful, as pure, as amazing, inspiring, and just...... o god, exquisite in every way imaginable*  (*see: special meghan glasses.)  as my ( Read more... )

so, even though it's a bit weird, i'm playing the boy's tenor. honestly, i thought it would be harder for me than it is... but i love it. it's like this is what i've been waiting for this whole time ((the whole "learning the saxophone" time)).  matt's playing was one of the things i fell in love with. it feels kind of nice to now be playing the ( Read more... )

so he is really lost. he totally doesn't know what he wants.  a normal person would blame him for that, especially when 12 hours ago he  said OVER AND OVER how being with me was  WHAT HE WANTED, that he was solid in that conviction... but i'm no  normal  gal. i'm emily. and... i can be what he needs right now. a friend, not an ailing girlfriend. ( Read more... )

driving home, i got into a car accident. 3 guesses why. =)

so, description of the event:
i was going around a curve on the on-ramp to the highway, just leaving, and idk.. the steering went crazy. the car turned dramatically right, slamming head-on into a guardrail on the front right corner, ricocheting me and my tiny saab across 2 lanes of traffic (( ( Read more... )

my matthew. the only boy i've ever truly loved... sometimes, the only reason i keep going. my reason to smile. the secret i carry around inside.. the source of my joy. the reason i feel special, feel beautiful. and most of all... feel loved by someone else, feel the amazing intense beauty of being loved by someone who is your everything.

he goes to ( Read more... )

so, like most teenage girls in my position, i have succumbed to the xylophonic* existence of the "girl left behind" as my dear matthew begins his year at college. i'm trying not to let it get to me... fail ( Read more... )

So i've basically concluded that, at this point, my lj only continues to exist for toby's sake.  I realize that his is the ONLY LJ that i ever check ((cause i'm a bucket of lame sauce to compliment his french cries.)) But anyway... crazy life. SYMS was AMAZING, incredibly worth it, refreshing, etc. etc. ((like everyone raves about camp.))

..but ( Read more... )

I haven't felt this silly nagging depression/anxiety since like, 2 years ago. its so LAME. its gets in the way...
anyway.

tonight was closing night of cheaper by the dozen! yayz.  It was pretty AMAZING, i must say. The cast pranks were choice, especially  TOBY GRABBING THE LEADING GIRL'S @$$ ONSTAGE ((yeah, thats right.)) Included in the wonderful ( Read more... )

You, know, i've come to recognize the lonely existence that it can be to have a livejournal, and yet no one to read it. The incentive isnt there.... I might as well have all of my messages marked private ((<-- yes, this is my insecure day for the month! you missed out on yesterday - paranoia!))

... mm. its so good to feel like a pariah ^.^.   -the ( Read more... )