so i haven't updated my lj in FOREVAR. because my computer died on me... much has happened since my last post, but i'm too tired to worry about it for now. =]   just reminding everyone that i exist, and will get back to the world once i obtain a computer again x.x ( Read more... )

...so now i'm so confused that i'm just going to sit back and not analyze:

...meghan and alex are back together. he asked for her back...... it's weird. but good. i'm ridiculously happy for her... especially because he seems serious to me. even more so than matt did when he asked for me back. but.... idk. i don't want to make meghan sound like a ( Read more... )

...even though i was highly emotional while writing it, and i KNEW as much, i needed to get it out there how i was feeling, in that moment. looking at the situation with a more logical view, i'm not nearly as ADAMANT that I CANNOT TRUST TOBY OR ALL OTHER BOYS THAT EXIST SNARF BLAH. ...just, i sometimes put the people i care about on pedestals, and ( Read more... )

*key: bold words are those written in pencil by toby after he printed the original letter, though before he gave it to me.*
note: letter is refering to event last night where toby was plotting an attempt to woo me and eventually kiss me while we were hanging out.

[22:45] fwugradiation: I'm still sorry D:
[22:46] fwugradiation: I was just like
[22:46] ( Read more... )

so i have my "it's complicated", matthew. and a home life full of psychotic alcoholic mom-hitting/unappreciating/disrespecting stepfathers ((ok just one, but he's enough!)). and a baby sister who definitely isn't benefiting from it. and a foreclosure notice stating that we have to be out of the house in about a month. and no apartments we can ( Read more... )

writing entry hurriedly b/c of HUGE time constraints ( Read more... )

YES, IF MATT SCREWS UP AGAIN, I WILL LEAVE HIM. HAPPILY. =)

....so we can stop worrying. sheesh.

see guys, don't think that i don't hear myself.

"i can't help it... i love him!" 
"....he killed your cat mimsy."
"but he's so sweet and kind most of the time!"
"THINK OF MIMSY, WOMAN"

...if i were my friend, i would read these posts and have similar reactions to the ones all of you are having. i'm no idiot... i recognize the IMMENSE odds of failure, ( Read more... )

so. most of my friends think i'm the biggest idiot in the world. i think i'm doing something pretty silly! but... ((and with girls, there is always this "but" )) --> i can't help it, i love him? it doesn't seem like enough, for anyone but me.

i know most people don't have the highest opinion of matt, especially those who don't know him, especially ( Read more... )

...over? really... over?

OR IS IT.  O.O*

*see  --> "i love you forever. you are my everything. i spent ALL day with her... i didn't feel a thing. i can't imagine how i could possibly have been this stupid... i know i don't deserve you. but i want you.. i love you. i need you. please.. please come back to me. i am, and always will be, so sorry. i'm ( Read more... )