I need some advice.

[technicolornina]

So my sister and her husband had a proposal for me tonight. This isn't a thing I can ask my emotionally-unstable mother about, and frankly I'm at a loss:

Comments

[poutytrout]

I don't have personal experience in this matter so I can't say anything on that matter but I'm a big advocate for doing the unexpected and if this opportunity is something you think will be really helpful, I say go for it. It seems like you have a level head on your shoulders to know that you might (most likely) will get roped into doing more babysitting than originally agreed upon and there are always problems when living with family like that. But if you are unhappy with your mother I don't think it would be a bad thing to live with your sister. It might not be permanent but you won't know if it's a good idea until you actually test it out. And it sounds as though it could be beneficial for you as well. The girlfriend issue is a sucky one and one I don't really know much about because long distance sucks and it doesn't seem to be an option for you but who knows, you might find someone out in Houston too. Adventures always breed fear and excitement. The unknown is terrifying but just imagine all the new things out there for you. I

[aeauna]

Okay, so the girlfriend thing sucks, but if you're not in a place where you're mentally healthy, then you're not going to be able to have a healthy relationship anyway. You've got to put yourself before relationships, especially might-one-day-be-a-relationship relationships. I mean, if you'd already been together for years that might be different. Maybe. But as heartless as it may be to say it, there will be other girls.

Would it be possible to go visit your sister for a week or so as a test-run? I do feel like getting out of your mom's house for even a little while could clear your perspective.

[technicolornina]

I'm actually here in Houston on vacation right now--seeing me in person, not the prone-to-a-breakdown-any-minute twisted version of me my mom likes to present, was part of what made them start discussing it--but other fam has been here, too. It's not exactly a trial run, and the problem with doing such a thing is that I have no vacation time left coming to do it with.

[aeauna]

Unrelatedly, Adam has gone blonde and I'm not sure how I feel about this. He kinda looks like his and Tommy's lovechild. (Tommy Lovechild being the new name of my imaginary band.)

I have changed the subject abruptly because seriously, you should just go.

[technicolornina]

New hair AND new tat. That is huge.

And I know. Logically. It's the heart that's having trouble.

[adawnrae]

You need a change, and this is a real opportunity to make one. It may or may not work out, but you know that where you are now isn't ever going to magically become good for you. You may end up keeping kosher, at least when eating with your sister and her family, but you can always go get a bacon cheeseburger (the most un-kosher thing I can think of LOL) when they are all at temple. Just make it clear that is a necessary part of your down time.

You may end up doing more nanny duty than is agreed upon, but it also gets you out of a bad situation, helps you work toward your goals and gives you a better support network from the non-batshit part of your family, who might actually be able to support you in a healthy manner.

It sounds like the major thing holding you back is Ellie, and honestly, a girl you just met, not matter how great she may seem, is still only a potential good match, and not the only one out there. You would be giving up so much for merely the hope of having a good and healthy relationship in the midst of a

[technicolornina]

You have such a firm head on your shoulders, I want to know where I can get one.

Logically I know everything you're saying is true, and after a long and weepy talk with a friend last night, I'm leaning heavily toward doing it. I just got a promotion at work, but it's a dead-end promotion--there's nowhere up the ladder for me to move except into management, which I don't want. I can get pay raises, but what is 50 cents a year? And unlike a lot of people who just up and dump the company and leave it in the lurch, I could give them 2-3 months to find, hire, and train a replacement. It's just hard to accept the price, even though I know it's not as great as it could be. I also don't want to hurt Ellie, either by leading her on or by being like "welp, I told you I was going to be in Phoenix when you got here, but GUESS WHAT I'm doing in three months!" That just doesn't seem fair.

[adawnrae]

Three months is a good chunk of time to prepare and do what you need to do to wrap things up in Phoenix. You can't take on too much responsibility for Ellie, just be honest with her about your situation and let her make her own choices. The sooner you talk with her about this possibility, the better it will be.

Pff, it is easy to have a level head when it isn't your own life and you're looking at it from an outside perspective. I have often seen you do the same thing, sweetie. :P

[technicolornina]

This is true. We're supposed to go out to Apollo's tomorrow when I get back in Phx, so maybe we can talk then.

It always amazes me when people say I'm levelheaded. Like . . . really?