The cake

[teenagewitch]

Cookies and candy, they piled up high. Her face in the window, her hand by her side

Comments

[whipchick]

Interesting beginning!

Your owner changes from he to she and vice versa - is that a story point? I couldn't figure it out if it was :)

[teenagewitch]

Oh no I missed one. It started as a male owner and I changed it to a girl and thought I got all the "hes" out.

[karmasoup]

There's a point where " 'she' made 'his' way." It might flow more naturally, honestly, if it was a he, because, for one, I think one more naturally imagines a kindly old man when thinking of a candyshopkeeper, and, two, it wouldn't confuse the pronouns when the subject of the girl in the story intersects with the shopkeeper... the shes and hers get all mixed up, and it's difficult to determine who's who. But the first few sentences of this piece read like poetry.

[not_hothead_yet]

smooth beginning, I'm interested to hear the rest!

[basric]

A lovely story.

[myrna_bird]

A lovely little story. I could just picture it all.