New Ryden Fic Coming Soon!! 

 I'm afraid. Not just afraid but terrified. Of possibly letting you in too much. And then you will see the ugliness that lies deep within my heart. This aching, hole of a heart that feels lonely 24/7/365. Even when it has love and care being poured into it. I'm afraid of falling for you too fast and becoming so addicted that it will give you the ( Read more... )

I just need a break for a while.
I can't do "this".
I feel like I can't do much of anything.

My best friend ever! called me last weekend and said he had to "disappear for a while" cause he still liked me and just couldn't handle it right now. I don't know I guess maybe I expected him to like... go into hermit mode. Hide from people. Maybe even act a little depressed. But it seems like him being away from me is better for him. And I hate it ( Read more... )

So last night I went to a friends birthday party. Dancing, Food, Craziness... Normal teenager stuff. But while I was there [a wallflower I must admit]. I realized just how NOT apart of the crowd I am. Okay. I knew that I wasn't really up to date on new music and new dancing and new... just new stuff. But I had no idea just how... not in I really am ( Read more... )

you hear about alter egos in movies, books, tv shows and so forth. But I'm wondering, is it really possible? Is it possible to have two completely opposite sides of you that clash and fight and try to win you over? Cause I feel like that's happening to me. Being bisexual, I guess that's expected. I feel like there is the "straight" side of me that ( Read more... )

Okay... brutal honesty coming. I want to feel the excitment of love. The pitter patter of the heart, the sweaty palms, the aching cheeks from too much smiling... the intoxicating infatuation. I miss it. But I feel it's hopeless. Cause you see, I'm just so repulsive. I'm repulsive to look at. From the kinda feminist kinda boyish aspect of my hair, ( Read more... )

Elvis and Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald and The Beatles and Nat King Cole and Radiohead and Coheed and Cambria and The Clash and The Cure and Staind that help me through an aching heart and a busy mind. I think too much about my life and what's around me. So I get stressed out and worried. Sometimes an over active imagination is a curse. For me ( Read more... )

very hermit crab like. I just want to get inside my shell and hide from the world for the next couple of weeks. God. Isolation. That's what I crave. A way to deal with the pain: easy. Just avoid it all together. If only it were that simple...It's funny though. In all these feelings of isolation and independence, I still have this need for comfort. ( Read more... )

Up is the world. Violence, hatred, yelling, screaming, crying, pain, anger, dsyfunction, dying, hurt... the list of things that shouldn't exist go on and on. I know that this idea seems dumb. But honestly. I hate it all. I hate that things that cause pain for people exist. Okay, lets be honest. I hate that they exist because they hurt me. And I ( Read more... )