Why does "'til death do us part" mean NOTHING to him?  I said "forever and ever" and I meant every word of it.  My forever and ever isn't over yet.  I'm still alive and so is he.  Why don't I get to be happy?  The fact that it takes two people to say "I do" but only one person to say "I don't" blows my mind.  You can't force someone to marry you, ( Read more... )

Sometimes I wish he read my livejournal.  I'd love for him to know what I'm going through.  Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone if he knew what he was doing to me.  I just need him to admit what he did or how he did what he did was wrong.  That cheating on his wife was a mistake and even if he didn't want to me with me anymore, the way he went about it ( Read more... )

I wonder if he's got everything he ever wanted ( Read more... )

So for a few years now I've been randomly (and without much success) attempting to learn to play "On My Own" from Les Mis on the piano.  It's been hard because I can't read bass clef well enough and have no ability to just look at the piano keys and know what note each key is.  I've been trying to learn the song because I want to play piano, but ( Read more... )

"She" posted this as her fb status tonight:

"I can tell, I can tell how much you hate this
And deep down inside, you know it's killing me
I can call, wish you well and try to change this
But nothing I can say would change anything"

(Kelly Clarkson - "Save You")
It's funny she should post that.  I mean, isn't that exactly the way I've been feeling for ( Read more... )

Emily was right.  She asked me this weekend if I'd filed for divorce yet.  I told her that since Christopher is the one that wants it, he's the one that's going to have to file.  Immediately, she asked if I wanted the divorce and I said no.  Then she asks if I'm not ready for it all to end.  And she's right.  I don't want to file because I'm not ( Read more... )

Anyone that knows me knows that I could never wish for anything bad to happen to anyone - no matter how much I may dislike them.  But, I am honestly having a hard time not wishing that his heart would hurt as much when he sees me as mine does when I see him.  It is so hard seeing him at her house.  I can handle the meetings to drop her off, it's ( Read more... )

So tonight is the first time in a month or so that Chirstopher will be here to have dinner with Jovi and me.  I know he misses her and I know tonight is killing him because he feels like he's missing so much, what I don't get is how he can spend so much time away from her.  Maybe he's feeling guilty, maybe he doesn't want the emotional reminder of ( Read more... )

I'm a social butterfly by nature.  So, being alone is no fun for me.  And it's not even being physically alone that's the problem, it's the emotionally alone that kills me so much.  I mean, I've spent the weekend with family and I know that my week is going to be filled with spending time with friends and I'm still scared because I hate feeling ( Read more... )

I would love to just cry and fall apart.  I would love to close myself in my room and pretend the world was on hold.  I would love to throw my hands in the air and just say "whatever".  I would love to pack the car and leave.  I would love to pretend I haven't given everything I am to him for the last eight years just for him to make me feel like ( Read more... )