well I can't sleep and I know I havn't posted to my LJ in a very long time. I'm so angry and confused and sad.......to tell you the truth I am teetering on the brink of some suicide threat, attempt, expression....I just do not understand how two people can come from the same environment see the same events okay so it could be possible...I just do ( Read more... )

Isias-

Tall
Caramel skin
Brown Eyes
very well endowed!!!!!
three kids
one,two,three, maybe ten different girlfriends-
cool
arrogant
spoiled(you always get what you want, you got me right?)
yes, you got me didn't you?

to be continued.......................................................

once my lover now my friend ( Read more... )

My therapist tells me that I have been very resourceful with my life so far....I don't see how, I feel like a failure.As she would say let's look at this from reasonable mind...I'm 21. I have two kids,a girl named Angelina and a boy named Yansi Jr., I'm married and been with my husband for almost five years..... , I will be moving into a two ( Read more... )

Let's stop and call it history ( Read more... )

Well here I am. Up to my eyeballs in boxes, getting ready to move on Friday....and getting ready to climb into bed with my husband................but all I can think about is you. You Isias. All day long at the park all I thought about was you. Why did I let you back into my life? Why? I should have learned my lesson of you the first time, after ( Read more... )

These thoughts have no meaning.They are idiot mantras that exist in a prearranged cycle:I'm stupid,I can't do anything......Thinking the first thought triggers the whole circuit. Once, these thoughts must have had meaning. They must have met what they said....but repetition has blunted them. They have become back round music, a Muzak medley of self ( Read more... )

After exhaustion..................... I hear the nurse on duty you are lucky to be alive, last week a girl died over what you did. Lucky, to be alive, quite an interesting thought...I wanted to die though, so how was I lucky? My stomach was empty my head was empty and there was some relief in this emptiness...........And yes off I went to 5south... ( Read more... )

My clothes being taken off for me I remember this.....so slowly everything was moving, for me anyway.... Where were you?......... The charcoal came next. Thick black burnt wood chips topped with chocolate syrup....Why did I drink this? My senses were so weakened I had no strength but to obey orders....why wasn't I sleeping ......40 TYLENOLPM had ( Read more... )

I don't remember much about that day. No. I most remember the way my head began to spin as they gently steadied my wheelchair. I remember "irregular pulse, shallow breath". The questions that never seemed to stop and the years in between them and my answers......but most of all I can see your face as they pushed me out......Yes I thought , this is ( Read more... )