Here it is, one day until Christmas. Theres a bit of an air of stale joy residing in my room. Half of me is excited, half of me is depressed. We've made it so far to lose. Yes, I said "we", as in my altering mindsets. Everything hangs in such a delicate balance when your at 50/50. I think its time I step aside from LJ for awhile. Maybe I'll beat my ( Read more... )

Some people probably think I'm completely incapable of opening up. Can't say I've haven't thought the same either. Its possible to get halfway there though. I wish I would have acted on impulse during many occasions, even if it would have gotten me in trouble. I wish I could have kissed you, even if you would have stabbed me in the face for doing ( Read more... )

I had an interesting Sunday/Monday, but when is it not interesting with Craig around? On an hour or so walk in 30 degree weather, I watched him pick up a dead raccon with a dirty glove which was lying on the roadside, he "violated" a tree with a giant branch, and made a pass at a kid on a bike named Billy who quickly responded to him with, "Call Me ( Read more... )

Christmas break is here. It's so relieving. It started out well. Came home, watched a movie, then headed to a Christmas party, followed by watching another movie. Not having homework is wonderful. My New Year's resolution is to become more positive about things. I should be counting blessings rather than curses, and making more resolutions to get ( Read more... )

Two weeks of freedom are upon us. I bet its all a cruel joke on their part. Giving hope and then taking it away. I'm gonna lock myself inside if I feel like it, or I'll go outside in the freezing cold in shorts and a t-shirt. We all need to find something else. Gotta stop lying like this. You know how it is, we've all done it. False hope: My anti-

Some say it might be an acquired ability to shoot your own hopes down. Only God knows how good I've gotten at it. You never know how that not only have you blown yourself out of the sky, but taken someone else's with you. Theres always a vicious cycle to be found. Theres a time to give up but I know when I say, "I surrender", you'll know that I'm ( Read more... )

Murray and Ed screwed us over last night. Myself, along with John, Tommy, and Candice got tired of waiting for them at the theatre, so we left and explored Goodwill. After Tommy and Candice left, John and I tried to go into Joe Muggs at the book store while waiting for dad. You know we live in a screwed up world when Books-A-Million refuses to let ( Read more... )

This is the longest I have ever gone without writing an entry. Personally, I can't say I've missed it. It seems like the last two weeks have made me age a good 5 to 10 years. My insides feel like they'll explode. The guilt, worry, and overloading hasn't done a bit for me either. I feel like I'm missing something, and it feels like a part of me is ( Read more... )

Today I went to the doctor for a follow-up. The office was in Myers Park. It was amazing to see all the people who just wander the streets of West Charlotte. I was the only white person in a crowd of about 15 people there. I know that doesn't matter, but I felt sort of awkward. Finally the doc called me back to the room. For once I started to ( Read more... )

I got a phone call from my partner in crime. We have a secret project in the works now. Both of us have high expectations here. Craig and I are on a creative spill. Project Random is underway. Just don't be suprised if you get pulled into this one.