Comments | the_dead_muse: wicked

hecanthurtme in the_dead_muse

wicked

Feb 13, 2008 04:12

word count: 404
warnings: drug content

Elizabeth wouldn’t even know how to roll a joint. Not that she smokes those- she probably wouldn’t have a problem with it, if Chrissie wasn’t so against them. She wouldn’t feel dirty smoking cigarettes, either, if they didn’t disgust Chrissie so much. She wouldn’t feel bad drinking so much soda and she wouldn ( Read more... )

Comments 5

elka_woof February 13 2008, 10:01:46 UTC

Squirrel cheeks! I am never going to be able to look at someone inhaling smoke the same way again.

Also, dig the music choice. I actually may have been at the concert that recording was made at, if it was the New Year's one.

wortschmiedin February 13 2008, 11:10:25 UTC

The use of present tense in the beginning did throw me off, and you didn't stick with it ;)

surria February 13 2008, 15:49:36 UTC

Each take of the challenge has been unique to this point and I have to say that I actually understand yours. I can put myself in your protagonist's shoes. I've been there.

I do agree with the use of present tense, by wortshmiedin. It was a bit put off by it in the beginning but you threw it away after the first paragraph.

Lovely! I loved it. Thank you so much and I can't wait to see more from you.

nextdrinksonme February 13 2008, 19:36:37 UTC

I enjoy the dialog here, as sparse as it is. There's a great realism to it and it definitely called up random high school memories, ha. I can also relate to Elizabeth's fear based control of her highs.

The beginning, though, is a bit hard to understand. As others have stated, you don't stick with the tense for the rest of the piece (as if I'm one to talk about that, ha), and it just seems...off. I get the basic idea of it, but it feels like you know What you wanted to say, just not How you wanted to say it. Like you wrote that before you had an actual feel for the piece.

so far.. thefaeway February 15 2008, 05:35:46 UTC

of the pieces I've read, this one is best at capturing a time, place and situation. I've never done any sort of drugs, and I abhor the idea, so the subject matter really annoys me, but you wrote it well as a whole.

With the exception, of course, to the already noted first few sentences.