fuck

 I haven't eaten for three days, but the strange thing is I'm not hungry. OK, let me correct that statement: I'm hungry but I have no desire whatsoever to eat. My stomach growls and bubbles beneath my ribcage and I know that I'm malnourished, but every time I think about eating I just get a sense of not wanting to. Food has no appeal anymore. I ( Read more... )

ok.. not so angry now.. how long will this last?

watch me. i will fly.. alone if i have to. i would like for you to come, but that's a choice you'll have to make.

i'll be waiting for you

 im so tired of being here!! i wish i could leave maryville today and go back to new york, but its so expensive.. i guess ill just have to see what else i can do, possibly atlanta or something ( Read more... )

im letting my apathy consume me. nothing matters anymore. im walking around in a daze and i do things for no more reason than i dont know what else to do. i feel hollow inside, as though made of really fine glass. i like to watch things break, dropping them from a shelf, but i hate to be told to clean up the mess; i suppose ill let things stay are ( Read more... )

i want to be alone right now. leave me here in the dark. i wish to ponder about life and figure about love. if there is no love the that means it is impossible for a heart to break--falter, fail, or even explode, but not break. if there is no love then there will always be a longing we cannot fulfill. we will always be alone for our entire life. ( Read more... )

i find myself sitting in a in the field, purple lights above my head smiling down. its just like i remembered, so fantastic! across the field a man with sallow skin approaches and as he draws near he faintly smiles.
i cock my head and look at him, "it's been a while."
"not too long, you're just anxious." i quitely laugh because i know it's true. i ( Read more... )

 so today, after my dream, alicia told me that i had to get up and find a job, but i didnt want to so she got mad and said that mom and dad were ready to kick me out and i said i didnt care, id just go away again and she said i had no money to go away then she left. she is right, i dont have much money, so i started to look for a job online and i ( Read more... )

SO, tonight i had a dream which i hope will influence me for a while.  before i went to sleep i had been discussing with otaku about how i was tired of life being so unfulfilling and about how i didnt want a job.  he told me that if i wanted to survive in the world that i needed a job even if i dont want one. i asked him if he hated his job and he ( Read more... )